Okay, I'll be very honest with you, my dear readers: there's a very VERY good chance that I'm having more fun than you are. I'm sorry, but it's true.
You see, earlier tonight I went to a comedy show with some friends. It was a last-minute invite, cheap tickets, and I figured what the hell, I could use a laugh. Little did I know that before the end of the night I'd be on stage with a member of the cast of Jersey Shore, doing a dramatic reading of a transcript from the show.
Oh you want to see it? Sure! In this video, I'm playing Snooki, and Vinny G is playing Deena.
I do believe I've found my new calling. Jersey Shore re-enactments!
So yeah, I'm having more fun than you. More tomorrow, kittens. Good night!
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Okay, I'll be very honest with you, my dear readers: there's a very VERY good chance that I'm having more fun than you are. I'm sorry, but it's true.
Monday, September 15, 2014
I was so busy this weekend that I was too tired to blog last night. I KNOW, RIGHT? So what was I up to? Oh, I'll tell you!
|Did somebody say booty?|
We got rained on and it was a little cold, but the Ren Faire has hot mulled wine, which is just the thing to get rid of that chill. Either that or it made me really not care about the chill. I drank several of those, along with some lobster soup and several pickles-on-a-stick. And a good time was had by all.
I also somehow ended up on stage during one of the asterisk-rated shows because I was able to correctly identify a song they were clapping. They put a sticker on me. I won't tell you where, but it was hilarious, and if you're on the Facebook, you can see pictures of me laughing my booty off while that was going on.
I'd never become one of those Ren Faire people (or "Rennies") because that's just weird, but I have to say that I would kinda like to go back to the fair another time before it's over. Another day of dressing like a pirate and sipping mulled wine all day sounds pretty freaking awesome to me.
My friend Chairish had been to this painting place and asked me if I want to go with her to do a coffee-themed painting, to which I said hells yeah.
Mind you, I hadn't painted since I was in 7th grade, and that did not go well. The art teacher was kind of a bitch and ended up giving me a C for my efforts and keeping me off the honor roll that semester. She was a major crabbyass and I think she did not quite appreciate my sense of humor, and 13 year old Lesleygirl was pretty much the same laugh riot that I am now.
Unlike the 7th grade, this painting place is really fun. Seriously, you should go. There were about ten women in the class and everyone had brought snacks and wine and coffee. One of the other women offered me wine, but I explained that I had spent the previous day drinking a ton of mulled wine and that I really needed some coffee, and so a different woman in the class offered me some Tia Maria to spike my coffee! Her painting ended up having the quote of "Every coffee needs a shot" on it. Yeah, go figure.
|We have created art!!!|
It's the little things some days, you know...
Good night, my loves. xo
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 10:44 PM
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Oh I'm right here, my babies! I'll think of four things to tell you.
1. I've been working a metric fuck-ton of hours this week. Plus, my project team is in Australia so I've been keeping some odd hours so that I can have video conferences with them. Oh yeah, that's really something. Me, sitting at my dining room table with my laptop in the middle of the night, trying to keep my eyes open. And hey, I always make sure I put a normal shirt on for these calls. They don't have to know that I'm wearing pajama pants, though. Shhh... our secret!
2. The job search continues. I'm feeling pretty zen about it, though. Something will come my way, or I'll be staying where I am, who knows? But all I know is that it will all work out, I'll have a new contract soon, and all will be well in Lesleyworld.
3. All the job searching and conference calls has left me with some really shitty sleep, though. I hate when that happens. I thought once my sleep apnea went away that my tossing and turning was gone and I'd always wake up feeling rested. Yeah, not this week. So tonight we are trying several sleep aids: hot bath with epsom salts and lavender essential oil, magnesium supplement, Sleepytime tea, and a melatonin. Now hopefully I can sleep for six solid hours. Please, Baby Jesus!
From the way my parents are smiling in this picture, they obviously had no idea that eight or so years later they'd bring the Lesleygirl into the world.
And the world will never be the same!
Good night, loves. Be well.
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 11:37 PM
Sunday, September 07, 2014
|Look! A river!|
Oh yeah, that's me there, to the right. Hey, I'm outdoorsy!
2. I tried watching tonight's Boardwalk Empire but I couldn't get into it. I kinda think they should have quit two seasons ago (because once Michael Penn was gone, why would anyone watch?), and I'm still mad at them for killing off Richard Harrow. That's in addition for being mad at them for killing off Jimmy Darmody. Masters of Sex was pretty boring tonight, too. Or maybe I'm just easily bored. That could be.
3. I have plans to go to the Renaissance Faire next weekend with a friend. I've never been to one, but I'm guessing that the people watching will be awesome. It's a pirate theme that day, so I think I have no choice but to go in costume. We're starting the day at Cracker Barrel because we needed a central meeting place, and I am thinking that if I'm wearing a costume to the Ren Faire then I'm wearing it to the Cracker Barrel, too. In for a penny, in for a pound, and all that. Besides, pirates need to eat breakfast, too! (btw, Mom, I need your help with a costume -- thanks for reading!)
That's three. Good night, my loves.
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 11:23 PM
Wednesday, September 03, 2014
This fish came to live with me at work.
Every week at the Monday morning all-staff meeting, the fish is given to someone who's done something extraordinary. I was given it for my work on the project that is trying to kill me right now. The good part is that I never thought I'd get the fish during my brief tenure, so it was completely unexpected. The even better part is that since there was no work on Monday this week, there was no Monday meeting, and I get to keep the fish for two whole weeks!
It's silly, but it really makes me feel appreciated. Some days it's the little things, people.
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 11:11 PM
Monday, September 01, 2014
So here's what I did. Well, some of what I did. I can't tell you everything, you know. I need to preserve some of my mystery!
1. Tried two new recipes -- one delicious, one not so much. The delicious one was this Creamsicle-type custard thing. It's hard to explain, but trust me, it was good. The base for it was supposed to be sugar-free Jello, but I used a different brand that I bought online because Jello has aspartame (yuck!) and the other brand uses sucralose (yay!). I'd look up the name of the other brand, but I have the lazy. So I won't. But anyway, it was good. The not so good recipe was for a crustless cheeseburger pie. Other people had raved about it but to me it was meh. It was a paleo recipe, although I of course added cheese so that made it not paleo (but still keto), and the taste was just odd. Not good, but not horrible either. It made eight servings, so I'll slog through all eight of them. I can't be wasting perfectly good cheeseburger pie. Needs must, and all that.
2. Speaking of needs must, I updated my resume this weekend. Ah, the life of an independent contractor! I added lots of references to the cloud. That'll make me sound super smart. As I was updating, it occurred to me that project management is something that's hard to describe and hard to quantify at times. I think it really comes down to that you're either good at it or you're not. And I'm excellent at it, natch. Oh and don't you worry, I still have a contract for now. I just need to start looking.
3. Finished watching Orange is the New Black. And now I have to wait until June for season 3? Come on, Netflix! I'm not that patient! Oh and in totally unrelated news, I need recommendations for other shows to stream now.
That's three. That's enough for now. I'm a little out of practice after a few days of not blogging. Go easy on me, would ya?
Good night, loves. xo
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 10:46 PM
Sunday, August 24, 2014
I was going to numbered-list yas, but I'm not feeling it tonight.
So what I'll tell you instead is that this was a rough weekend, and though I never say this, I'm glad it's over. And I will tell you a little story!
See, on August 25th, 2008, I had my innards all re-routed. This day has become almost as important as the sacred festival of Lesleymas. It really feels like a re-birthday to me. Anyway, that day in 2008 was also a Monday.
On the Saturday before said surgery, I had to do some, uh, preparation. This meant that after I'd eaten my Last Supper, I had to drink a bottle of Fleet's Phospho-Soda and, well, let it do its work. Not exactly a pleasant memory, but really not as bad as everyone who'd had surgery before me made it sound.
I was thinking about this just this past Saturday, and I thought this means that there's an historical precedent for me getting rid of a lot of shit on August 23rd. And this year? No exception. Except it was much more metaphorical this time. And no Phospho-Soda involved, thank you Baby Jesus.
In other news, yeah, it's six years. As I do most years, I'm working on some reflections. I didn't buy myself something pretty yet, but that will be rectified very soon. Stay tuned for further developments.
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 11:53 PM
Thursday, August 21, 2014
1. This was a very long and draining day. I put in 11 hours at the office, and by the time I left I probably could have still stayed on and done a few more hours of work, but I was too tired to be useful at that point, and besides, I had to go to a dinner the LesleyFamily was having for my niece, Noodles, as she is leaving for college on Saturday. It's always good to see the family. I've been having a very difficult week for a few reasons, and having my family around me was a comfort.
2. I've been back to wearing my Bodymedia band for about a week now. Yes, this is the same one they wore on Biggest Loser. They used to be called Bodybuggs. I like the data, and just wearing it reminds me be more active, which is never a bad thing. Not that I've been slacking off, but well, I see how many people have regained their weight after weight-loss surgery and it scares the living shit out of me. I can't have that. I want better for myself. And so anything I can use to keep my motivation up is a good thing. Since it's still short-sleeve weather, some people have noticed the Bodymedia monitor and they've asked what it is. Usually, I'll just say it's a Bodybugg, and hope they've heard of that. Lately, though, I've been thinking I should get more creative with my answers. Something more like "Oh that? Well, I'm under house arrest, and this is my tracking device. It was a crime of passion. I don't want to talk about it" and then look away. Yeah, I think I'll go with that.
Good night, and peace out, girl scouts. xo
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 10:51 PM
Monday, August 18, 2014
What is "mwahahahah?" Oh, that's my evil laugh, of course! Because sometimes you just need to laugh like Dr. Evil.
1. On Sunday I road-tripped with two friends for a day in Hershey, PA for a visit to the museum and then of course the cheesy "chocolate world" tour, and the even cheesier trolley tour around town. I feel like I deserve a medal because I spent the day in the chocolate capital of the United States and I did not go over 30 grams of carbs. Some days I think I really do have nerves of steel.
2. Before going to Hershey, we toured a nearby cavern. I'd only gone on a cavern tour one other time in my life, and while that tour was pretty cool, I have to say that it was much more enjoyable touring a cavern now that I can do things like walk up and down about five flights of stairs without feeling like I want to kill myself. Since it was a Sunday, there were a lot of kids in our tour group, so we really had to censor what we were saying, especially while pointing out some of the more phallic rock formations (and there were a lot of those for some reason). I said they should have an uncensored / unplugged cavern tour, where you can make any comment you want, no matter how inappropriate. I'd even pay an upcharge for that. But a small upcharge, mind you. I mean, what am I, made of money?
3. I spent most of my day today in meetings for a huge project I'm managing which is close to launch now. After the first meeting of the day, I said to a coworker I've spent many hours with on this project "If I take up drinking before the end of this project, you won't judge, will you?" He assured me that he'd only judge me if I didn't share. Fair enough. By the end of the day I told him that this might amount to me sticking a giant straw in a box of wine like it's a Capri Sun, and again, he said he wouldn't judge, and also pointed out that I should buy my booze in New Jersey (where I live) and not in Pennsylvania (where I work) because PA charges hella taxes on booze. I love that my coworkers look out for me like this!
In all seriousness, I'm not taking up drinking, don't you worry. If I did, I wouldn't be able to drive to Zumba after work, and you know I can't have that. But I do like to joke about such things. I blame it on my Irish sense of humor.
Good night, kittens.
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 11:07 PM
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Thursday, bitches! Three things:
1. Work feels like a big game of Justify Your Existence. Ah, the life of a consultant! And you know, I'm not even complaining, because I feel like I'm having fun with it. They keep lobbing new projects at me -- generally, stuff that had no project management done on it yet and was stalling out -- and I'm hitting them right out of the park. Those of you who know what sorts of lines of business my company has will be amused to hear that their top expert told me rather confidently that I'm not going anywhere. And they can't contradict her, now can they?
2. I've been on a mission to improve my nutritional habits -- not that they were bad, mind you, but I knew they could be better. I need to watch carbs, and I'd been keeping them under 100 grams per day, which is not a whole hell of a lot, but I was starting to think it's too much for me. I'm sure this is controversial, but what works best for me is a ketogenic approach. Sort of like Atkins. The past week or so I've stayed under 30 net carbs per day (very VERY good) and now that I'm past the initial "Atkins flu" I am so full of energy it's unreal! Like I said, Keto is controversial because it's so different than the Standard American Diet, but it's a very good solution for people with insulin issues, Exotic Ovary Disease, and inflammation-related things. Today I read an interesting article about how Jack Osbourne is doing a Keto diet to help with his MS. Interesting stuff. Except he's doing Keto plus Paleo, and while I use a lot of Paleo recipes, I can't go full-out Paleo because I'd miss dairy too much. I need my cheese and I need cream in my coffee, or someone gonna get hurt!
But anyway, yeah, feeling good. And really happy to be past the initial adjustment!
3. I really need to find a way to become more of a morning person. The problem is that I love the nights so much. I love the night life. I like to boogie. Oh wait... anyway, I've realized that it's not that I hate getting up in the morning, I just hate going to bed, which makes the whole "getting up in the morning" that much more difficult.
Anyway, that is three. Good night, people.
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 10:59 PM
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
1. I made a new kickass recipe for dessert tonight. And this time, I actually wrote down what I was doing so I can recreate it later! It was sort-of like a cheesecake (the non-ricotta variety) and sort of like a fluff. I used a new variety of Torani syrup in it, the sugar-free salted caramel. If you like the sugar-free syrups like I do, YOU NEED TO TRY THIS FLAVOR. Now! I'd post the recipe, but I don't have pictures. Next time, kittens.
2. As I have done the past five years, I've been going back and reading the things I wrote in August 2008, leading up to my big rerouting o' the innards surgery. Yup, that's right, people: it will soon be SIX years since I started my very own amazing journey (to use an overused phrase from The Bachelor & The Bachelorette). I felt very emotional while reading my thoughts from six years ago and remembering how excited yet scared I was. I bought myself a very nice Tiffany's bracelet as my reward for my five year surgiversary, since it was a big milestone, and I'm thinking I may need to get myself something equally nice for this year. In many ways, this year felt harder than the one before. And besides, I need some pretty!
3. THIS. This times infinity:
And now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to wearing whatever the fuck I want. In this bikini body of mine.
Good night, loves.
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 11:15 PM
Monday, August 11, 2014
First, I will tell you that if you recognize where the lyrics in today's subject line come from, then let's just say that you and I have plans. Oh and I owe you a beer and a punch in the arm. Because a punch in the arm from me is like a Hallmark card!
STILL LIFE, WITH PICTURES!
It is pretty amusing, though. And I do like getting a fortune that sounds like a bad pickup line. Sometimes when I'm bored at work, I make up cheesy pickup lines to entertain myself. Things like "Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd tap that!" or "Are you the US-Mexico border? Because you are not secure!"
Yeah, that second one may need some work. Maybe I'm not so good with the pickup lines, and hey, that's cool, because at least I'm good with the fortune cookies, right?
So perhaps instead of knitting cat hoodies, I should try something else? Well, all righty then!
Wait, what? They make me feel pink and not purple?
Yes, true story. Such is the power of the purple tulips!
Good night, my special snowflakes. Much love on yas.
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 11:38 PM
Wednesday, August 06, 2014
Oh that song in the title? I'm kinda sick of it, but it's stuck in my noggin.
Since I returned home, Luna has been a big feline ball o' needy. Whenever I sit down, she has to sit next to me and rest her head on my leg. When I've gone to bed, she has to curl up next to me. Hell, even when I take a bath or shower, she has to cuddle up on the bath rug. Yup, a ball o' needy, but it's cute that way she does it. She keeps poking me to get me to pet her and making little chirpy noises that are about two octaves too high to be a meow.
On the other hand, Clementine just seems annoyed. She keeps doing things like going into another room and meowing loudly like a distress signal until I check on her. She seems annoyed, but honestly I'm not sure if she's annoyed that I was away for a week, or annoyed that I returned. Either scenario is quite likely.
IN OTHER NEWS
I meant to blog last night, I really did, but I opened up a page and the next thing I knew it was almost an hour later, the Big Bang Theory was over, and Conan O'Brien was on, so I just went to bed. See, I'm just such a party animal. I lead the glamorous life, just like Sheila E.
Actually, I had gone out to an outdoor Zumba event in the crazy heat, then out for sushi (sashimi for me, I can't do rice), and some of Princeton's finest ice cream. I think I was tired from all that. Yes, once again, the glamorous life...
IN STILL YET OTHER NEWS
Some of you know this already, but here is Lesley's Back-to-Work After Vacation Tip #1: When you set your alarm for that first day back, make sure you set it for 6:30 AM and not 6:30 PM. The more you know...
That's enough for now. I should probably go do the whole "work" thing anyway.
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 8:33 AM
Sunday, August 03, 2014
Vacation / Weekend Roundup:
1. Vacation was most excellent. I went to the beach and sat on my ass, just like I wanted. I also had a lot of laughs with the family, read some very good books, and just relaxed. Vacation was good for my soul.
2. On Saturday, Oldest Nephew and I drove home together. It was so much better doing the drive home with a passenger, unlike the drive down when I was all alone. I learned a few valuable tricks during this drive, like that one should take 113 and not stay on 13 from Maryland into Delaware, and also a way to beat the clusterfuck that is Delaware 1 into 295 on a Saturday.
3. After the big drive, I quickly changed and went out with my friend JM to see Billy Joel in Philadelphia. This concert was amazeballs. So amazeballs that I really can't say enough good things about it. JM and I had seen Billy back in 1990 for the Storm Front tour -- first concert I was ever allowed to drive to, which required a phone call home to LesleyMom to say we arrived in one piece -- so this was a reunion of sorts. Boys II Men came on stage for "Longest Time," which was very cool, and after having the audience vote, Billy sang "Vienna," which is in my personal Top Ten, so I was thrilled to hear it played live.
4. Today I had breakfast with two of my high school friends (including JM, who'd driven up from DC for the concert), relaxed, and then enjoyed a nice dinner at Iron Hill. I figure that I'm still on vacation until 9:00 AM Monday morning, so I might as well live it up.
That's all for now. Good night.
I am just saying.
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 11:05 PM
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Hey, 'member me? Yeah, I haven't been posting on account of all the vacation, you know. But I did have some things to share.
The beach is just beautiful, and it's nice having the vacation time with the family. If you know the extended LesleyFamily, you have no trouble believing that!
And now you must excuse me, as I need to go back to sipping coffee out on the deck and watching the waves hit the beach. Much love on yas, people. xoxo
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 9:16 AM
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Four things? Yeah, let's go with four.
1. I've said this before, and I'll say it again: the last week at work before vacation is always hideous. This is so that you will appreciate your vacation all the more. Yeah, no problem. I am quite sure I will appreciate the fuck out of this vacation!
2. Tonight when I finally got home after work, the gym, and errands, I got a text from my credit card company asking if I made multiple purchases on my Visa card at Canadian online pharmacies. No, no I did not, but based on how much they charged, I'm guessing whoever did is planning quite a party! Viagra and Oxy for everyone! Score! Well, actually I'm a little miffed that they didn't invite me to this party I'm paying for. Also a little miffed about spending almost an hour on the phone untangling this mess, as they had to read me each charge and I had to say yes or no. They were all "no" but I usually followed them with "Whaaaaat?!! Are you kidding me?!!!"
3. There's some movie coming out tomorrow where Scarlett Johansson has discovered some super smarts and can use 100% of her brain, unlike the rest of us schlubs who only use 10%. (10% on a good day, I'd say.) The commercials for this movie look odd. ScarJo is using her super smarts to go Carrie on a bunch of people and Morgan Freeman is there, too. No way in hell am I plunking down twelve bucks for this action. I mean, I'm sure ScarJo wants to be a serious thespian now, but I prefer her doing things like selling mahhhble columns on SNL. I very much appreciate the fact that she does a genuine Lawn Guyland accent in that skit. I laugh every time I watch it.
4. For a long time, I've felt very strongly that no working woman should ever have to cook dinner on a Friday night. I may be amending this rule to include Thursdays as well. It's Thursday, I'm beat, and it's 7:30 by the time I get home from the gym. I had originally planned to make my famous chicken stuffed with green onion cream cheese, but after getting home, feeding the cats, going through the mail, and stripping off my gym clothes I thought fuhgedaboudit. So instead, dinner ended up being scrambled eggs with a side of guacamole. I almost went with another lazy-ass choice, the can o' sardines, but the guac had to be eaten tonight so the eggs won. The bad part about not cooking is now I have no leftovers to take for lunch tomorrow, which makes it entirely likely that my lunch will be the can o' sardines consumed at my desk. I'm sure my coworkers will appreciate that!
Later much for you, kittens.
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 11:42 PM
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Yes, again with the boy band lyrics. Again, don't judge.
I heard today was the 4th anniversary of One Direction, so I'm quoting them. I guess that on this day four years ago, a music producer put five funny-looking lads together and said "This. This will sell!" I really don't get it. I find it weird to hear five guys all singing about the same chick. Unless they're advocating polyandry or reverse-Mormonism or something. Because I could totally get behind that. I think multiple husbands would be an excellent life, but I'd build a well-rounded team and not settle for five funny-looking lads. See, I would need a Nate Berkus type to decorate, and a Bobby Flay to cook my dinner, and a Ty Pennington to fix stuff around the house, and a Beto Perez to do Zumba with me, and a Bob Harper to get me to do strength-training. Wow, I will need quite a team! I'd better get moving on this!
Where was I? Oh yes, One Direction. Those funny-looking lads will not age well, mark my words. That Harry Styles? Some day in the not too distant future, he will start looking like Mick Jagger's ugly younger brother. Good luck marketing that action, music producers of four years ago!
In other news, I was thinking about the frappuccinos after I wrote yesterday's blog and today I think I came up with an acceptable substitute. I am totes excited about this! See, I used my treat receipt to order a triple grande iced breve latte with two pumps of sugar-free vanilla. In other words, it was three shots of espresso, half and half, and the sugar-free vanilla. THEN -- this is the genius part -- I asked them if they would blend it for me. And they did! The result was quite amazeballs. Not as heavy as a frappuccino, but still delicious and more importantly, it stayed within my macronutrient ratios. I think I shall call it the Lesleyccino.
And in still yet other news, my vacation has been moved one day earlier. Yup, on Sunday I'll be gassing up the Jetta and driving south. I feel like I have a thousand things to do between now and then, but hey, it'll all get done. I need to get a pedicure, do laundry, pack, make sure the beasts have enough food and litter for while I'm gone, and probably some other things I'm forgetting. On Saturday, I'm spending a good chunk of the day in NYC at a film festival. A good friend from my high school days is starring in an indie movie at this festival, so a few of us are getting together and all going to see it, and then I'm sure we'll move on for dinner and drinks after that. Good times. So yeah, a thousand things to do and a big day in the big city.
That's enough for now. Be well, my dears. Good night.
in accordance with the prophecy of Lesley at 11:14 PM