funk

I'm not even going to go through the formality of acknowledging that it's been a long time since I've blogged. I mean, sure, it's been a long time. I've been one poor correspondent. I've been too too hard to find. But it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind...**

**That particular song is in my personal top forty. If you like it, too, then we might be soulmates.

You know what sounds like a whole lot of fun? Funk! You know what's actually not fun? Being in a funk. True story. As I've mentioned before, I realized I've been in a bit of one for a little over two years now. It's not really any one thing, I'm just really tired of things not working out. And then I get melancholy and think I hate my job, I hate my house, I hate my car, I hate everything! But really, that's not me. It's the funk talking.

However, the funk does not get the last word. I do. And I think that's why I need to get myself back to writing on a regular basis. It's my cheap therapy, after all. Besides, I like having a venue to say things. And on that note, I have to say that I am flattered at how fiercely loyal you people are. I mean, I haven't written in weeks, and yet around 100 of you stop by every day. *sniff* You like me! You really like me!

I used to do this thing where I'd list all the things that were making me happy that particular day. I'm sort of going to do that now, but it'll be more of a list of things that are NOT all funked up in my life. Happy reading.

Not Funked Up List

1. I look better at age 40 than I did at 30. Or even 25, for that matter. I've lost more weight than most of you reading this will ever even weigh (yeah, um, wrap your mind around that one, people) and even better, I have kept it the fuck off. Some days it's a struggle, I'm not going to lie. When I feel stressed out or just melancholy, I find myself craving sugar and I have to talk myself out of it like I've seen movie people talk themselves out of relapsing on their drug of choice. I guess for me, sugar is my cocaine.

2. I've recovered rather nicely from my reconstructive surgeries. We had a little bump in the road this week, and I won't bore you with the details, but it involved cellulitis and my right boob, let's just say. I am a couple days in to a round of antibiotics, so yay, getting better. I still have a lot of moments when I look in the mirror and think "Wait... what?" but those are getting to be fewer. The best part about this second round of surgery is that I can finally actually see the change in myself. Previously, I would look in the mirror and still see 400 lbs, and think people were lying to me when they said I looked good. Now I look in the mirror and think "ohhhh, now I can see why someone might find this attractive." And then I'll do a little dance. Usually a cumbia. And if you've ever seen my cumbia, you know what a treat that is.

3. I have an awesome family and awesome friends. Even my felines are pretty awesome, too.


That's three, and it's actually quite a bit. I need to ease back in to this blogging thing, you know.

two weeks?

I haven't blogged in two whole weeks? Where the hell have I been?

Oh, I'll tell you. I've been in a bit of a funk. Actually, said funk has not just been for two weeks. More like two years. But that's another blogpost that will need more time than I can give during just my lunch break!

So I think I need a numbered list. How about six (6) things?

1. I am collecting Cats. Not of the feline variety, either. I've sort of alluded to this before, which is funny because the "Cats" moniker is cryptic to begin with! The only update is (redacted -- email me for details!) We shall see.

2. I am finally blogging today because everyone at work is bugging me. Well, not everyone, just certain people who are physically incapable of shutting the fuck up. And I no longer have an office mate to vent to when people are bothering me.

3. People who are bugging me at work are doing things like yammering on about their plant-based diet which I totally need to try and their emerging church which I need to visit. Uh no, no I don't. I'm really not comfortable discussing religion in the workplace. And as for the unsolicited diet business, she can kiss my ass. It's not a plant-based ass, but it is free-range. So there's that.

4. Luna has developed a new habit of begging for food. I've never seen a cat do this, but every time I go into the kitchen she follows me in, then stands up using either the cabinet or my leg as a support and meows pathetically in her little squeaky two-octaves-too-high meow. This morning she did this as I was getting ready to leave and I accidentally stepped on her tail while wearing clogs. Poor Luna screamed and ran away. I still feel bad about it, but the good part is that when I get home she'll be happy to see me and won't even mention it again. Felines are cool like that.

5. I need to enhance the color of my hair. I wish I could hire someone to do this for me while I'm asleep or something because I hate doing it, and I hate sitting around waiting for it to be done. I'd much rather sleep through it. Someone should offer this service. They could call it "Lay Down and Dye". OMG DON'T STEAL MY IDEA.

6. I need to create some sort of filtered list on Facebook for people who are unoffendable and can handle the really, REALLY snarky (or sometimes, pervy) things that I think and don't currently post. Hmmm, I think I'll do this. Let me know if you want in.


That's all for now. Be well, my kittens! (And Cats!)

weekend wrap up, by the numbers

Tax returns completed and filed: Three (3). As in federal, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania. Booyah.

Cups of tea consumed: 12. Most were decaf. Now that I'm a grown-up Lesleygirl, I just can't handle the caffeine at night but I hated the taste of decaf tea. Well, it turns out that Trader Joe's makes an excellent decaf Irish breakfast tea. Way better than Twinings. This is why Trader Joe is so my boyfriend. 

Zumba classes attended: Two. One of them featured a brand-new sparkly skirt from yours truly. I tried to post a picture of said skirt to Facebook, but the picture didn't do it justice. I asked if it was acceptable attire for a quick trip to Wegman's, and someone cracked wise about how people go to Walmart in worse attire. Comparing me to people of Walmart? That's the sort of thing that will get your ass unfriended. Immediately and without regret, ya'll. And besides, I looked completely cute in that skirt. But I deleted the picture. Walmart, my ass.

Grams of protein consumed: NOT ENOUGH. I'm usually good about maintaining my normal routine over the weekend, but this weekend was a fail. I didn't feel like eating, so I didn't. And my water consumption wasn't great, either. Monday will be a day of protein and hydration.

Shore vacations booked: One (1). More like a mini-break than a full-fledged vacation, but hey, I'M EXCITED! 

Jogs: One (1). I had not been out for a run since my surgery so Saturday morning, I put on my new purple running kicks, and a purple under armour shirt, and hit the road. I didn't feel up to jogging my usual three mile route, so I did walking/running intervals. It was easier than I expected. TMI alert: I'm still getting some pain in the incisions in my groin creases, which is even less fun than it sounds. I snickered the first few times I heard the term "groin crease" but now I'm used to it. All part of the oh-so-dignified reconstructive surgery process. In fact, it's right up there with having your surgeon flick your nipples and ask "Did you feel that?" 

Dresses purchased: Zero (0). I'm going to a wedding on Friday and since I'm going as an "and guest" I figure I should look snazzy. One brief shopping trip on Saturday produced nothing. I will try again tomorrow. If I don't find anything I love, though, I'll just wear what I wore to my cousin's wedding a few months ago. It's a pretty color and looks nice on me, but I'm not crazy about the length. It's mid-calf, and I'd prefer it a little shorter, so as to show off my killer Zumba legs. Yes, this is my thought process when it comes to purchasing fancy occasion wear.

That's enough numbers. I need sleep. I have a few blogposts brewing in my pretty little head, but they're not ready for public consumption just yet. Soon, my pretties.

Good night, and peace out, girl scouts.

(nearly) wordless wednesday

So if you were me (which you're not) (but I am) this would be how you spent Easter:

This fine looking gentleman is my youngest nephew, sometimes known as Baby Kangaroo. He and I both wore orange shirts on Easter. Plus, I felt moved to pass along my tradition of napkins on heads. It's not a party without them. And I love love LOVE that the Baby Kangaroo is always willing to take crazy pictures with his aunt!

(Nearly) Wordless Wednesday OUT!

tell it to ya tuesday

My feet hurt. And my calves hurt, too. I need a massage, people.

In other news, there is bacon in my oven right now. Once it's done I'mma go to bed, then first thing tomorrow morning I'm going to assemble a crustless quiche and bake it while I'm getting ready for work. There will also be Jarlsberg cheese involved. Bacon + Jarlsberg = OMG AWESOME.

And in still yet other news, bacon is done! SLEEP.

i've been around enough to know that dreams don't turn to gold...

I decided tonight that my subject line would come from whatever song iTunes played next. And that's a line from the song that played. Interesting.

I'm feeling less melancholy than yesterday. I had a decent day at work, meaning that people left me alone, and I had lots of time to joke around with Work Cat. And the dude who owns the consulting firm I work for took me to lunch to a really nice sushi place I've never been to before. Free lunch = noms.

In other news, the weather may finally be Spring weather here. In order to properly celebrate, I am going to wear a skirt to work tomorrow. And I'll shave my legs and everything. It's a banner day!

Meh. That's all I've got. You can see yourself out.

pancakes in the age of enlightenment

That subject line there is the proper order when one is offered "Breakfast Any Time." If you know what movie that is from, well, let's just say that you and I have plans. PLANS!

I am doing my Lesley goddamned bestest to fight this, but I've been in a bit of a funk the last few days. And I am not a fan. The usual things are bothering me. I love the new job, love the new company, but what do I not love? (redacted -- I guess you missed the good stuff!)

I'm just tired. I know that things could be much, much worse. I do. I know that I'm lucky in many ways. And I have to say that another factor in my being tired is that I think it actually takes a bit of energy to keep myself from thinking things like "this is NOT the life I thought I would have when I'm 40." Yeah, cheerful, right? I am not going to think about it.

From the Department of Not Bad News, despite the funk I managed to have some fun this weekend. On Friday I had some much-needed fun and frivolity with friends I hadn't seen in a while, and some crazy fun + girl talk really helped me quite a bit. On Saturday, I went to an awesome Irish pub I had never been to before, and had corned beef & cabbage spring rolls and cider, as well as fun conversation and some laughs. And then today, I went to a kickass Zumba class (and I even went up front to lead a few songs), then to a Gregorian chant Mass that I like going to, and picked up the best tomato pie in New Jersey for dinner.

So that's all the news that's fit to print. Peace out, Girl Scouts.

saturday mbr

Yes, another minimum blog requirement. Which is odd because I have lots to say, I just haven't had the time to sit down and type it all out.

But soon I will, kittens. Soon.

friday mbr

Minimum blog requirement, yo. I am out having fun. More later.

thirsty thursday

Things You Would Have Drunk Today If You Were Me, In Order Of Appearance:

- coffee (duh)
- protein shake
- coffee
- water with Mio arctic grape. I am not exactly sure how a grape can be described as "arctic" but this is delicious nonetheless
- seltzer
- more water with Mio
- MORE COFFEEE! All your coffee are belong to me!!!
- water without Mio. It was sad.
- Irish breakfast tea (regular)
- water with cucumber slices. Because sometimes I pretend I'm at a spa!
- coffee milkshake protein shake that I MacGuyvered out of vanilla protein, Starbucks Via, and ice.
- Irish breakfast tea (decaf)

And... scene!

In other news, my plantar fasciitis had been back with a vengeance, but tonight after going to yoga, it has stopped hurting. YOGA MAGIC! It's a Festivus miracle! It's still a little tender but not too bad, so I think I'll be careful in my footwear choices, but I'm going to re-think whether I need the previously-scheduled cortisone shot I'm supposed to get next week. I'd rather avoid the steroid shots when I can. You wouldn't want to see me with Roid Rage!

And in still yet other news, it's sleepytime, and I have a date with the Sandman. Good night!

(nearly) wordless wednesday

Heh.

No, this doesn't hit too close to home or anything. Why do you ask?

though i know i'll never lose affection for people and things that went before...

Tuesday! Two things!

1. I took a different bridge home from Philadelphia than I normally do when crossing the river. It was quite unfamiliar terrain. I should mention that my new car is pretty fast and accelerates quite easily. As I crossed into New Jersey, I saw flashing lights in my rearview mirror. To my great surprise, I was informed that the speed limit on the bridge was 45 mph, and yours truly here crossed the bridge at a cool 72 mph. I told the cop that I was totally unfamiliar with the area, and thank God he was here because I had no idea where I was and I was scared, as the city I would be passing through is the crime capital of the northeast, and it was late and I just want to get back home (sniff, sniff, fake tear). And that, boys and girls, is how you get out of a $200, four point ticket.

2. I won't elaborate just yet, mostly because I am tired and OMG NEED TO GO TO BED, but I've now learned that when all else fails, listen to your mother. But don't tell her I said that, okay?


Okay, that's two. Enough already. Sleep tight, kittens.

back in the saddle again...

Oh yes, I know I've been quite the bad little blogger of late. Oddly enough, I've had quite a bit to talk about, but then I was all "oh noes, I can't blog THAT." Well, whatever. Blogging is my cheap therapy. So for the month of April, I'mma blog every day. Let's see what happens. Dun dun dun...

So today happened. I wrote documentation, pretended to be busy, sang "Mr. Brightside" and "Minnie the Moocher" a few times with my office mate (yes, we sing out loud in my office, which is pretty much a dream come true), and I picked up lunch at Cosi. After work I got in a workout, then got myself cleaned up and changed and drove to Philadelphia so I could pay my condolences on the loss of a dear friend's mother.

In other news... hey, other news will have to wait. April has 30 days and I need material for each and every one!

Good night. xoxo

i'd rather take a blow, at least then i would know...

It's been a rough few days. Well, maybe "rough" isn't quite the right word. Nevertheless, the kind of days that make a girl want to laugh, cry, scream "What the hell is this supposed to mean?" and maybe belt out Ally McBeal soundtrack songs as loudly as she can, and then laugh again. Or maybe that's just me.

In other news, my resume has been submitted for the permanent job in my work group. I haven't asked any of the other consultants if they're applying, but I'm the best qualified for this particular job so I'm not worried. I think another consultant who I don't really like may have applied because I keep seeing him kissing a lot of ass, but I've been to his meetings and his documentation sucks and he's terrible at running meetings. Whereas I rock the casbah in both regards. I'm not even bragging. It's the truth.

And in yet other news... I think that's all the news I have for right now! Good night.

dis and dat

I would number this list but numbers? That's been done. I'mma blog this freestyle!

So, I'm not bragging or anything, but I'm really, really happy about how I've been able to get back into my usual gym routine once again. In fact, I'm really quite proud of myself for this. It may be unseemly for me to feel that way and even say it out loud, but oh well. I can live with that.

Now that I'm more recovered from my surgery, I realize that my posture has drastically improved now that the Pointer Sisters have been reduced by so much. I know I've said before that I didn't realize how bad my neck and back pain was, but I also didn't realize how bad my posture was. So another motivation I have to work out is that I want to get some good strong muscles in my back and shoulders. I'm increasing my strength training to this end. I lift things up and put them down.

I'm at Snazzy New Job as a contractor through the end of June, and recently a permanent job has opened up on my team. I am, of course, applying for this job, and I would be the logical choice for it since I've been doing this job for six months and have a lot of the knowledge that the person who is leaving has, but I still have to apply and interview like everyone else. Being that this is both an academic and a non-profit institution, I expect that the hiring process will be rather slow, but I would appreciate your good thoughts, prayers, and swinging chickens here. Having a permanent, full-time employee gig would be a huge, HUGE weight off me. It would be nice to have little luxuries like paid holidays and time off once again, and not have to pay ridiculous sums out of my own pocket for Cobra anymore.

I went after work today and did a little shopping. I need new everything. EVERYTHING. If you'd like to contribute to the United Lesley Needs Clothes Fund, let me know.


That's all for now. Sleep well, loves.

someone is waiting for me...

1. That subject line comes from this song, which I've probably listened to so many times recently that the cats could probably pick up a ukulele and plunk it out themselves:
 
2. Well, after that I'd better tell you something cheerful, and it's this: I have decided that once the temperature is consistently above 60 degrees that I am wearing nothing but camisoles as tops. These snazzy new arms and cute new boobs need some showing off. No bras, no sleeves, just me and my CAMISOLES! You've been warned.

3. In other news, I realized that it's less than four weeks until tax day, and I'm not even close to having started mine. And they're going to suck. Two W-4s, an unemployment income form, and for added fun: a 1099! So while the taxes aren't coming along so well, the procrastination is going quite well!



And now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my ukulele-playing felines. Good night.

weekend wrap-up

Except not really. I don't feel like blogging. I had all good intentions of writing something tonight, but I'm just not feelin' it, dawg.

Maybe tomorrow. We shall see.

two for tuesday!

Yes, two. For you. And you!

1. I keep meaning to post pictures, but then I come up with excuses like, I'm too swollen (actually, that happens to be true), or I don't have any clothes to wear, blah blah. Well, today I'll be brave. This is me, standing in the living room at Casa de LesleyParents. The lighting ain't the greatest, and this is probably taken from an odd angle, but whatever. I can see where I'm swollen but you probably can't so that's cool. This will just be our secret, okay? I call this look "Early 21st Century Professional-Yet-Cute."

2. Creative writing project is still a bust. I'm starting to feel a little hopeless about it, which I know isn't completely rational, but I can't help it. Why yes, this is cryptic! Why do you ask?

That's two. Now I need sleep. xoxo

and you can send me dead flowers every morning...

I haven't blogged since Wednesday? Whose idea was this? Well, regardless, you are getting a list.

1. I went back to Zumba for the first time today, and it was fabulous!!! I did better than I expected, although I was aware that my stamina isn't where it was two months ago. My friends said they couldn't tell, but I knew. You know that weird feeling you get if you run outside and it's cold and you're not quite used to it and it makes your lungs feel funny? That was the feeling I had. I didn't wheeze, and I didn't need my inhaler, but it was odd. My friend D was teaching the class, and I hadn't told her I'd be there, but as luck would have it, the second song we did was one of my most favoritest cumbias EVER. I'm not bragging or anything, but I really do dance a sexy little cumbia. (I'm not just saying that. LesleyMom said so. And everyone else agrees.) You all totally should have been there to see me rolling my hips in a sparkly teal skirt.

2. The plot that the creative writing project is related to has been a disappointment so far. And that's all I'll say about that. On here, at least.

3. I really need to de-carb this week. I haven't eaten anything too terrible, but I've had a few days where I've gone over my self-imposed limit of 60 grams per day. Actually, 60 is what I aim for; as long as I keep it under 100, I'm happy. And even 100 grams isn't a whole hell of a lot. Most people eat that in one meal. I bought some de-carbing groceries today in preparation. Nothing too exciting: meat, cheese, fish, ricotta, vegetables, sugar-free Jello, and some macadamias as a treat. I also bought bouillon, which is my secret weapon against the inevitable de-carbing headache. Two bouillon cubes (one vegetable, the other either chicken or beef) in a big mug of hot water with a side of two tylenols. Weird but it works. Oh and YES, I know the bouillon has a metric fuckton of sodium. However, my blood pressure is low, so the sodium isn't an issue for me.

4. I didn't mind losing an hour of sleep to daylight saving time because this means spring is on its way. And that means that yours truly can start buying some new clothes for her warmer-weather wardrobe! Being the researcher that I am, I've been studying up on spring fashion. I have to say, I'm rather pleased with the tertiary color trend, especially that orangey begonia color and celery green. Oh and scarves! Yay, scarves! I need to get some more work shoes as well. I used to swear by my Danskos but then their quality seemed to slip, so I switched to Sanitas, which is their European cousin. Of course, I love them and they keep my feet happy, but I've never found a pair I like for under $100. Although I suppose $100 isn't too much to pay to keep my feet happy. Whenever my plantar fasciitis gets aggravated it makes me walk like a gimp and definitely makes Zumba a lot less fun, so maybe $100 is actually a bargain. Hmmm.


That's four. And with that, I bid you good night and much love.

cupid, draw back your bow...

Why that title? Because I'm in the mood for some Sam Cooke, yo. I am attempting to type this with a tiny tabby cat wedged between my laptop and me. She stole a piece of cheddar from me and is now trying to bat my hand away from the keyboard so I'll pet her. Bossy little thing. She's lucky she's cute.

I'm tired and I don't have a whole lot to say. Once again, I'm blogging for the sake of blogging. Or meta-blogging, if you will.

My creative writing project is done. Thank you to those of you who helped with that. I feel better about my decision to do this, but still sad, I'll admit. (Oh wait, LesleyMom doesn't like it when I'm sad and I know she'll read this, so hey! Just kidding, Mom!) (To those of you who are not LesleyMom, I am so not kidding. The sads, I have them. But I am trying to be a grownup about it.)

Oh was that vague? Yeah, sorry about that.

In other news, I am wondering if Facebook could please create filters for the following:
- Stupid re-posted pictures
- "If we get 1,000,000 likes, then we can get a puppy!"
- Pictures of abused animals
- Hateful political ranting
- Something that will only allow smart people to comment on my stuff

That last one is actually the most important one to me. If Facebook could accommodate that last one, I'd be quite thankful.

In yet other news, we're getting some sort of Snowgasm here tonight. Allegedly. Supposedly. If the Weather Channel can be believed. So I'd better get some sleep now just in case I have to leave uber-early for the office in the AM.

Good night.

weekend wrap up

Well, not really a wrap up per se, but I realized I don't feel blogging (no sir, no blogging today...) and I took that to mean that I should blog anyway because I need to keep the creative juices flowing and so hey, I'm making a list. Five (5) things.

1. Speaking of creative, I've got a little creative writing exercise that I need to do and I have a self-imposed deadline of Wednesday evening. I need your help, if you are willing to give help. Yes, this is vague, however, if you've ever been someone I've called upon as part of my very own advisory council, then feel free to volunteer. Also, if you believe you could provide helpful feedback about things one should know when they first meet the one and only Lesleygirl, then you should also feel free to volunteer.

2. I know I haven't done any "after" pictures yet but I took this one to the right about a week ago. It's blurry and, I cannot understate this, but I was (and still am) very, very swollen, but I was feeling pretty good about myself that day and thought this picture showed off my cute little hourglass figure pretty well. Trust me, I look much cuter in person. This is one of those pictures I look at and think "ummm, who is that? Oh yeah, I know: ME!!!" Better pictures will be taken very, very soon.

3. The aforementioned swelling has been quite a crazy thing to deal with. At its worst, I had about 20 - 25 lbs of extra water bloat. No, I am not making that up. These days, I estimate it's between 5 - 10 lbs on a given day. Today is a puffy day. I have no idea why, but tomorrow I will fill up on water and coffee and some hot lemonade-ish concoction, as those all seem to help flush things out.

4. I am really, really hoping that this week I will be cleared by my surgeon to go back to the gym. The lack of cardio is making me feel a wee bit crazy. And besides, I purchased the skirt you see to the right there for my triumphant return to Zumba. Yes, I'm sticking with the whole workout skirt thing. Originally, I did it because I wanted to wear compression shorts yet keep my thighs covered, plus, before I discovered my true love, Zumba, I had kicked around the idea of joining a roller derby team, partially because I like the idea of kicking some ass while wearing a skirt. And now, it's become my thing. I mean, just because you're working out like a beast doesn't mean you can't also look cute. So l really can't wait to wear this skirt!!!

btw, the skirt is from Sparkle Skirts and I cannot even tell you how much I love their stuff. If you order one, tell them Lesley from New Jersey sent you.

5. I'm quite tired of the whole "KEEP CALM AND (whatever)" meme. Can we be done with that one now? I especially feel this way because as someone who's Irish and Italian and from New York and from New Jersey, I can't keep calm! Keeping calm is so overrated, anyway. Sometimes you need to stir the pot. I'm quite good at stirring the pot, and yet I feel no need to start an internet meme about it or print it on shirts. Funny how that is.


Good night, my lovelies. I've got a big, big week ahead so please send me some good thoughts, if you have good thoughts to spare. xxoo

let go your heart, let go your head...

Why am I singing David Gray tonight? Oh me. It's a long story. Mostly good, though.

And on that note, I need sleep. Good night.

i could never see tomorrow, i was never told about the sorrow...

Three things.

1. I dropped off the Jetta tonight for its 10,000 mile service. *sniff* How quickly they grow up! The guy who sold it to me asked how I like it, and I made the mistake of saying that well, it's okay, but I miss the hell out of my Beetle and I especially miss having a diesel. And now I'm quite sure that I'll be getting some phone calls and emails asking if I'm interested in trading up. Trading in a six month old car? I don't think so.

2. I still have that same stupid headache from earlier this week. Either that or my neck got run over and there are invisible knives stabbing my eyes. I think a massage would really help, but I don't think I'm healed enough from surgery to lie face-down on a massage table for an hour. Maybe in another week or so. Also, I have my yoga class tomorrow, and I'm hoping that will help.

3. I've been thinking a lot about Schroedinger's Cat. That's the kind of nerdy thing I like to do when I'm trying to make sense out of things. So the cat is in a box. And the cat is either dead or it's alive, but it can't be both at the same time. The only way to find out which is to open the box. Sometimes, though, you open the box and find that the cat is indeed alive but feels it is unable to be your cat because the cat has a kitten to raise. Disappointing, yes, but you had to know what's in the box. (NB: that phrase is best said in the manner of Brad Pitt at the end of "Se7en.")


That's enough cryptic for one night. Much love to you, and you know who you are.

i has headache

I won't write much tonight because I have some bullshit headache that is slowly sucking my will to live. I hardly ever get headaches other than the occasional migraine -- and hey, anyone who gets migraines deserve NOT to get the regular kind, too -- and I think this is some kind of stress headache because my neck muscles are also killing me. Stress headache? Ain't nobody got time for that!

It took me pretty much all day to figure out that this was a stress headache, and then to figure out what was stressing me. I'll admit it: I feel sad. And I really don't want to talk about it just yet. An evening of sitting on the couch with a huge down quilt and two felines snuggling with me has helped, though. Now I just need a good night's sleep. And for this goddamn headache to go away. I also wouldn't mind a week at a tropical resort and to win the publishers' clearing house, but for now I'll settle for the sleep and the headache going away.

Be well, loves.

the weight of the things that remain unspoken...

So that's a part of a line from "Won't Go Home Without You" by Maroon 5. Normally, I don't like a lot of their stuff and I honestly don't get what the appeal is of Adam Levine, however that song? It's been in my noggin ALL DAY.

Not only did I wake up with Maroon 5 in my head, but I think I left the cap off the funny today and I'll admit, most of it ended up on the book of faces. So yes, I'm numbered-listing ya's tonight, and some of it will sound familiar to those of you who are my Facebook friends, but hey, I can't limit this much entertainment to Facebook alone, now can I?

1. I went out for breakfast and after that I went to Trader Joe's. When will I ever learn to avoid that place on the weekend? Sweet fancy Moses, it was a nightmare in there. Well, it was a nightmare if your nightmares involve WASPy Princetonians who have an odd sense of personal space and pull rather than push their shopping carts. (Don't get me started on that one.) I really only needed Tuna For Cats, so I grabbed a hand basket, filled it up with cat food and a few other items for me, and got on line in the express lane. The express lane clearly says "one hand basket ONLY." After I got in line I noticed that the person in front of me had a full cart o' groceries. In the express lane? And more specifically in MY express lane? No. Not on my watch. Not today. Not any day! So I spoke up and said "This is the express lane. You do not belong here." "Oh, this is express? I didn't know... (hemming hawing blah blah)" so I repeated "This is the express lane. You do not belong here." They relocated. Lesley 1, Inconsiderate Trader Joe's Shopper 0.

2. When I visit Trader Joe's, I always secretly suspect that the people who work there are judging everyone for their purchases. And ya know, I can't fault them for that because I would totally do the same, and probably even start to say things like "oh no, honey! A person does not go through my checkout lane with White Zinfindel. It simply isn't done." So I figure, hey, I'll give them something worth judging, so thus you will see my hand basket on the right there. It contains:
One box of Irish breakfast tea*
One container of dark chocolate covered caramels**
One bottle of Dr. Bronner's magic peppermint soap
One jar of organic virgin coconut oil***
One six-pack of hard cider
Fifteen cans of Tuna For Cats

Why all this? Because I know how to party!

*Irish breakfast tea is awesome, and I prefer its taste over any sort of English tea. But then I'm Irish. Also, the Irish consume the most tea per capita, not the British. Just so you know.
**I can eat one. Just one. As a special treat. And then they live on top of my refrigerator, along with unfinished knitting projects that are doing some thinking, and any toys that Luna has stashed up there.
***This has taken care of my eczema and has been fabulous for my surgery incisions. But I'll blog about that another time.

3. After Trader Joe's I swung by Casa de LesleyParents for a visit. LesleyMom had gone to J.Jill recently and bought a few shirts, and told me I should try them on. I haven't been shopping since my big surgery, however, I know I am smaller than I used to be. I just didn't realize how much smaller. She held up one shirt and said "it's a medium. Try it on." I thought there was no way that would work, but I tried it on. And IT FIT ME. And I looked pretty cute in it. Now, people, I never EVER thought I would see the day that a freaking SIZE MEDIUM fit me, so I immediately said to LesleyMom "Excuse me, but I have to go die now." And of course I had to then tell Facebook about it. One of my friends commented that it must be amazing and scary. Scary? No, not really. Just amazing. Except not amazing, it's awesome.****

****I prefer "awesome" over "amazing." Mostly because "amazing" has been ruined for me by the Bachelor and the Bachelorette and all of the amazing connections and amazing journeys that happen on those shows. Hey, don't judge me for watching them. I just watch them for the articles.

4. After all that, I went home, took a nap, reheated this morning's omelet for dinner and watched the Oscars while keeping an eye on my Facebook feed. In light of this, I felt like instead of asking "How's it going, Lesley?" Facebook should ask "Who are you wearing?" In my case, it was Chico's, Old Navy, and a post-surgical, um, garment (which is pretty much the sexiest thing EVER). Also, my hair was brought to you by "OMG, get off your ass and color that mess already, it's been over two months!" It's quite a fetching look, really. Also, speaking of fetching looks, I would like to know where one could purchase the outfit that Catherine Zeta-Jones was wearing when she sang "All That Jazz." Because I need that action right there. LesleyMom asked me where I'd wear that, and I said a better question is where WOULDN'T I wear it? I'd wear it to Zumba, to work, to the grocery store, EVERYWHERE!

I think this may be my best numbered list ever. I've had the numbered list of my liiiiiiiife, and I owe it all to youuuuuuuuu...

Good night, my loves.

the wild and windy night that the rain washed away...

A list? Why yes. Three things.

1. Today marks six weeks since the big surgery. And since I'm tired of hearing myself complain, instead I will say that I am thankful for how well I've healed and grateful that I was able to get this done and how proud I am of myself for all the weight I've lost and how hard I've worked to get this smokin' hot little bod of mine. Yes, the getting-leg-drained thing is annoying but it's a manageable kind of annoying.

2. I need new clothes. Yes, if you just read # 1 there, that's not a shock, but seriously, I need new clothes. And shoes, too, but the need for clothes is greater. Also, I need help with the shopping, and after the shopping with the putting-outfits-together thing. And I think I need a new iron. And a new ironing board would be nice, too.

3. This is the fortune that was in my fortune cookie today.

Presented without comment. Although I'll admit I found it quite interesting.

That's all people. I need sleep. Good night.

you tell me that i'm crazy, that's nothing that i didn't know...

Lifetime immunity double-secret cool points if you actually know the song in the title. It's got no significance, other than that it just came on the Pandora while I was typing this. Oddly enough, it came on the Pandora Beatles station, and it's definitely not the Beatles singing it!

I'm still having some major issues with my leg, and so instead of telling you about my day -- which involved a lot of feeling very sorry for myself and thinking things like "What the hell did I do to myself?" -- I'll tell you about Seymour's day. Seymour = my pouch!

In other words, what I ate today!

Pre-breakfast: Thyroid medicine. Tasty!

Breakfast: Premier Protein chocolate ready-to-drink protein. I buy these at Costco and they're one of the best ready-to-drink proteins I've tasted. They make it easy to start my day with a big 30 gram boost of protein.

Mid-morning snack: A cheese stick, some whole-grain crackers with peanut butter, and a metric fuck-ton of coffee.

Lunch: Pretty much the best chicken soup ever, made by yours truly. It had chicken and escarole and cannelini, with a huge pinch of romano on top. Now, if you read this and you know how to properly pronounce "escarole" and you know what cannelini are, I will reward you with a tasty beverage and a punch in the arm. Bonus points if you also prefer romano over parmesan, like I do.

Afternoon snack: Another Premier Protein (I have to boost my protein numbers while I'm still healing), a ton of water with that Mio stuff in it (Artic Grape is my new fave), some tea, and another cheese stick.

Dinner: Steak and mashed brussel sprouts (sounds weird but trust me, it's delicious). Followed by more tea.

Post-dinner:  Some Jarlsburg cheese, apple slices, and an Activiaaaaaaaaa yogurt**.

**Yes, I think Activia and their commercials are stupid, however, I am currently taking a broad-spectrum antibiotic and it feels like it is waging a war in my southern states, if you know what I mean. And I believe you do.

All in all, a very good day food-wise. Seymour is happy.


In other news, I wasn't kidding when I said I spent most of the day feeling sorry for myself. Yes, I realize that's not an attractive quality, but it was a rough day. The pain was very bad -- probably the worst pain I've had since I had to give up taking the hard stuff during the day so I could work -- and it was taking everything I had not to put my head down on my desk and cry. So it wasn't long before I went to "What did I to myself?" then to "Whyyyyyyy did I do this to myself?" and eventually by the end of the workday I had done some mental calculus in which this is part of my ongoing punishment for having been morbidly obese and everything in my life is ruined and Nothing Will Ever Be Good. EVER. It's amazing the crazy thoughts that are gestated then birthed by mind-numbing pain.

I say all this not because I'm all "poor widdle me" tonight. If anything, I think that got most of the crazy out of my system, which is nice. Mostly I'm just in awe of the fact that this recovery has been so tough and that it's taking a lot of effort for me to stay positive. Plus, I'm sure the six of you who actually still read this thing appreciate knowing all about it!

That's all. I have a date with the Sandman now. Which is just my fancy way of saying I need to sleep. Good night.

if you call, i will answer...

This video ain't the greatest, but I've been singing this song ALL DAY so it's going on here. Well, I love BNL, and I love that there are like a hundred Beetles in this video, but the clips from that movie "Ed TV" I could live without. And of course what I really love about this song is the lyrics.


In other news... well, there is no other news. Still healing, still plugging along, yadda yadda yadda, lobster bisque! I will say, though, that I'm feeling much less melancholy than I was yesterday. I got a good night's sleep and I do believe that sleep can be quite the panacea.

Good night, my wee duckies.

meow

Again, I was going to write something smart and wickedly funny, but hey, the need for painkillers won again. Yes, I did go to the doctor, and my leg is being tended to, but ohhhhhh it hurts. And I'll be very honest with you: between this long recovery, this stupid leg pain now, lack of exercise, my usual winter blahs, and other things I don't want to get into right now, I'm in a bit of a funk. And I'm really not a fan of said funk.

Time for sleep. Gotta go back to work tomorrow and all those good things. Be well, friends.

be my president!

I was going to write something smart and wickedly funny but well, I'm having a bit of an issue with my right leg. Based on prior experience, I need to see the doctor ASAP so he can drain fluid from near the incision and give me an antibiotic, but it's Sunday so no doctor until tomorrow. I didn't do too much today, but this evening I did manage to go to Mass followed by a trip to Wegman's and by the time I got home it was downright excruciating. I didn't want to do this, but I had to take a painkiller. All of this is a rather roundabout way of telling you why I can't write smart tonight. I'll try but you never know what Painkiller Lesley is going to say.

So, here's five things:

1. I knew I didn't have it in me to cook dinner, so I tried one of the new Atkins frozen dinners. Crustless Chicken Pot Pie. I give it two snaps up! Lots of protein, very few carbs, pretty much a perfect meal for yours truly. I won't make a habit of eating frozen dinners, since I do like to do my own cooking, but I may get a couple of these to have on hand just in case. And I'd never bring one to work. All the people microwaving frozen dinners at lunchtime make me sad.

2. I know I already told you that my leg hurts. I am a little worried, but more than that I'm annoyed. I am SICK and TIRED of this whole recovery process thing. It's enough already. I just want to be done with it. My recommendations about reconstructive surgery are that abdominoplasty recovery sucks but is worth it, and arms and boobs are both easy-peasy recoveries and thus also worth it. The thighs, however, I would not recommend having them done unless it's absolutely necessary. In my case, it was. I would have ended up with a pretty bad case of lymphedema in one or both legs very soon, and ain't nobody got time for that. Plus, it would have kept me out of the gym permanently and my legs would look like the Elephant Man. Yeah, no thanks. But still, I'm annoyed. I just want to be fucking done with this.

3. Tonight I had a case of the lazy so I made my tea by using hot water from the Keurig. I feel kinda bad when I do this. Everyone knows you need to boil water for tea, so this is some kind of crime against tea. This might not seem like a big deal but I come from a family that takes their tea very seriously. I'll admit I was not in the habit of drinking much tea, but my two week stay at Casa de LesleyParents brought that back.

4. President's Day is an odd reason for a day off, but like probably very few of you, I have the day off. How do we celebrate this day? Does a dead president's zombie emerge and if he sees his shadow we have six more weeks of February? Or do we send each other hearts and flowers and say "Be my president!" I kind of like that idea, I'll admit. As long as I get to be the president, natch.

5. I'm hoping that this week my lifting restrictions are finally, well, lifted! Right now I can only pick up 5 lbs with my right arm and 2 lbs with my left, which isn't a whole hell of a lot. And I'm not going to name names but *someone* needs to lift up a vacuum cleaner around here!


That's all for now. Painkiller Lesley needs sleep. Good night, loves.

midweek meh

Numbered list time!

1. I worked on my budget stuff earlier tonight. In totally unrelated news, being unemployed for 15 months did not have a good effect on my finances. Throw in making some expensive repairs on an old car (very, VERY stupid to have done, in retrospect) plus working as a consultant for the last 10 months plus paying for health insurance plus no paid time off plus having to buy a new car plus a hurricane plus a very long unpaid Christmas break plus an unpaid surgery leave, and... well, let's just say it's a little overwhelming. Oh and to top it all off, I have moved into an insane tax bracket and I don't have a whole lot that I can deduct. And it's not going to be feasible to buy some real estate this year to get a deduction. And for some reason, I can't claim the cats as deductions.

Years ago I had sworn that I was opting out of the recession -- meaning that I wasn't going to stress out about it or let it otherwise negatively affect my life -- and I still believe that I'm not a victim of the bad economy per se, but man, I wish I could catch a break. I almost feel bad saying that because I am so much better off than a lot of people I know. And now that I've complained, I need to shake it off and figure something out.


2. In much more fun news, I got my hair cut earlier tonight. I'd post a picture but I don't want you all to burn your eyes from all the hotness. The woman who cuts my hair gave me some helpful relationship advice -- she's been on the other side of things from where I am, so to speak -- and even offered to make some phone calls on my behalf, which cracked me up. My favorite pearl of wisdom was "sometimes you need to get Italian to get your point across in a relationship." I asked "you mean like I should flip a table?" Apparently, the answer is yes. Interesting.


3. Today I got up and went to Mass at 7:00 AM for Ash Wednesday. I know I've said this other years, but this year I once again felt some comfort in being told that I am to dust and to dust I shall return. Eventually. In a long, long time, I hope. Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind...


4. Tomorrow (as in Thursday) marks five weeks since my surgery. I'm happy in that I like the results so far. I'm not happy that I still have pain, still have to deal with gauze and tape and other incision fun, still have a lot of swelling and the resulting need for the doctor to stick needles in me to drain said swelling. Oh and I can NOT overstate this but I hate that I can't work out!!!


That's four. Time for sleepy-bye. Good night, my loves.