i don't care if monday's blue...

I'm still feeling a little out-of-sorts but somewhat better. Maybe getting my fight back, who knows. A big, BIG thank-you to those of you who left supportive comments or sent nice emails. I do appreciate it.

How about a list?

A Day in the Life of Seymour, My Pouch:

6:45 am: Chocolate protein made with hot water. A nice hot chocolate to start Seymour's (and my) day.

10:50 am: An ounce of Cabot cheddar, nibbled at my desk before attending the annual benefits open enrollment meeting. A meeting at which cookies were served. Nice move, HR, serving cookies while discussing our HEALTH PLANS of all things. No cookies for me, though. They're bad for Seymour (and me).

1:15 pm: I am probably one of the few people in the whole world that can say this, but I just bought lunch at Whole Foods for less than $5. A piece of chicken (around 4 oz) and a couple tablespoons of quinoa, both from the hot bar. I couldn't finish it so it's now in the fridge at work.

4:00 pm: Half a McIntosh apple and half a Rockin' Roll bar. OMG BEST SNACK DISCOVERY. The Rockin' Roll bar tastes just like a Payday bar, except it's a protein bar with no sugar and lots of, well, protein. Adding in the apple makes it taste like a peanut caramel apple. Nom nom nom...

6:45 pm: The other half of the apple and the other half of the bar, nibbled on the way to Zumba.

8:15 pm: An ounce of Cabot cheddar, on the way home from Zumba.

8:45 pm: Half a cup of turkey chili, with a little cheese on top and some Greek yogurt as a sour cream sub. Soooooo good.

11:45 pm (approximately): There is some homemade mascarpone ice cream that I made yesterday in the freezer with my name on it. Actually, don't tell but I used ricotta. I also added some sugar-free vanilla syrup and some pistachios. A little protein boost before bed.

Fascinating, I know, right? I didn't mention it, but there was also some coffee, water, sugar-free lemonade, diluted Powerade Zero, and hot Wild Sweet Orange tea in Seymour's day as well. Not to mention multivitamins, calcium citrate, iron, probiotics, and special appearances by vitamins D and B12.

And... scene!

sometimes i give myself the creeps...

Oh me. I'm feeling all out-of-sorts tonight, people. I have no idea why, but it hit me yesterday sometime between noon and 4:00 pm and it's still with me. I was at a support group meeting (I am one of the volunteer leaders, and for part of the time I was there led a group for people who are 0 to 3 months out from surgery) and for whatever reason, I left there feeling like my cup was empty.

I am feeling bad about how far I still have to go to get to my weight-loss goal. I don't feel comforted at all thinking of how far I've come, instead I feel awful and ashamed and just so mad at myself that I started out where I did. I hate that I go to support groups and hear people say things like "I was just so HUGE!" knowing full well that the "huge" they are referring to is around the same weight that I am right now, and I hate that I hear that and immediately think "Good God, what do they think I am?" For added fun, this weekend someone actually asked "How did you ever get to be that weight?" It seems clear that my surgery center is specializing in lightweights (and I have written about the heavyweight vs. lightweight issue before) and I am in the minority, and sometimes it's a very lonely minority to be in.

Now, lest you worry, I am not feeling discouraged. I'm not contemplating quitting the gym and reintroducing carbs back into my diet. Nothing like that. I'll keep going, and I'm sure that soon (tomorrow?) I'll be feeling good about things again. I guess this journey (ugh, hate that word) ain't all sunshine and roses, and tonight I felt like sharing that. Just keeping it real and all. Good night.

saturday MBR

MBR = minimum blog requirement. Yes, this counts. One of my favorite songs (Distant Sun) by one of my favorite bands (Crowded House), here covered by another one of my favorite bands (Barenaked Ladies). Love it!



I would say more about who this song makes me think of, but well, I need to just build a bridge and then GET OVER IT. Besides, this song actually makes me feel all sorts of hopeful about the future.

Good night.

fabulous friday

Ever have one of those weeks when you get to the end of it and tell yourself "Wow, I survived this week, I can do ANYTHING"? Seriously, ever have one of those? Well, I certainly did. And yes, I can now do anything. To prove my point (to myself more than anyone else), tonight at the gym I doubled-up on classes, which I've never done before. One hour of Zumba, followed by one hour of Body Pump. I'm feeling pretty good about it, too. I can do anything!

And tonight, after this long week, the "anything" that I want to do involves my DVR, my Slanket, an orange kitteh, and a big mug of tea. Good night, people.

remember, remember, the fifth of november...

The gunpowder treason and plot!

Actually, I have more reasons than just Guy Fawkes to remember, remember the fifth of November. You see, it was seven years ago today that I first walked through the doors of Startup-dot-org. Seven years, people. That means all my cells have regenerated once in that time, and clearly, I'm no longer the woman I was at the time. To say the least. This day also begins the one month countdown to the Most Sacred Festival of Lesleymas. Please shop accordingly.

Today also marked a big, huge deadline for a big, huge project I'm managing, and from what I gather, everything went well. There are rumors that I have promised to celebrate by skipping around the office and throwing confetti but I can neither confirm nor deny such rumors, except to comment that perhaps such a promise was made when a certain person didn't expect this day to go so well. On a totally unrelated note, do any of you happen to know where one purchases confetti?

Things I Decided Were True Just This Week:

1. If there is in fact a better cheese in this world than Jarlsburg, people, I do NOT need to know about it. I eat at least an ounce of it every day, and lucky for me, the Shoprite sells big chunks of it on the cheap. Last time I was there I noticed that underneath the chunks, they had a whole wheel of it on display. Ooh... I wonder how much for the whole wheel? And where could I store such a quantity of cheese at Chez Lesleygirl?

2. There is no better apple than the McIntosh. I've tried lots of others but found most of them to be either mealy or way too sweet. Give me a crisp, tart McIntosh any day over mealy and sweet. Also, all sweets are back to being completely blech to me.

3. The next time a guy describes his ex as "psycho" I'm going to conclude that he probably says that about all of his exes. And then I'm going to wonder what he did to cause the supposedly psycho behavior. I have my reasons. Let's not get into them now.

4. When there's a big meeting at work involving the entire office, whoever is sitting next to me will be wearing enough cheap and nasty perfume to kill an asthmatic. This asthmatic did survive this week's attack, but it caused me my first wheezing incident in about three months, and after having gone that long without using my rescue inhaler, using it again made my knees shake and my chest pound. Nice, right?


That's enough things that are true. It's been a busy week, as you can imagine.

wordless wednesday

I'm going to break the Wordless Wednesday rules just to say:
GO YANKEES! GO NEW YORK, GO NEW YORK, GO!!!

That's all.

tell it to ya tuesday

It's Tuesday. And since I'm sure that pretty much nothing could top the awesome that was yesterday's blog, I'm just going to tell yas some things.

1. I have become extremely lazy when it comes to cooking. This is new. Normally I like to cook, but lately I've been feeling like "Meh, I don't really want to eat, so I really don't want to cook" and then eating a dinner consisting of half a McIntosh apple and a hunk of Jarlsburg cheese.

2. I'm really not concerned about the not wanting to eat. I haven't had much of an appetite since my surgery, and while that feeling lasts, I'm okay with it. After what felt like 35 years of being completely preoccupied with food, it's nice to have a break.

3. Zumba tonight was all sorts of awesome, in part because before the class started Zumba Instructor told me I look fabulous. Awwww! Actually, I've been hearing that a lot this week. I'm not sure if it's more than other weeks, but I think the fact that I put away my scale and tried to put my recent stall out of my head has actually made it easier to hear, and more importantly believe, when people tell me such things, rather than thinking "yeah, I may look fabulous but the scale hasn't moved in four weeks and I'm never ever going to lose another pound again." No, I'm not neurotic about this. Not at all.

4. I unfriended someone on Facebook today for fomenting a discussion on her status message which led to a bunch of people bashing my state. Mind you, these were people who have never even been here. Perhaps I could tolerate such things if I hadn't spent five years in the upper midwest hearing how evil my state is, both the one I live in now, and the one in which I was born. They also made fun of my accent a lot too, which is also not cool. My accent is cool. And my state ROCKS.

5. I voted today, since I do try to be a good citizen and do my civic duty. I wasn't too jazzed about either of the candidates, and I'm actually shocked that the race went the way it did. The current governor isn't popular by any stretch of the imagination, but he's a kajillionaire and he had some major union endorsements, so I figured he'd win. Not sure how I feel about governor-elect. He kinda seems like a tool.

That's enough for now. Day 3 of NaBloPoMo. Keep on rockin' in the free world.

did you know, that when it snows, my eyes blah blah blah can be seen...

You may recognize that song. Wasn't it from one of the Batman movies? I'm too lazy to look it up, but I am fairly certain it's from Batman Forever. Why is that pertinent? Oh, I'll get to that in a minute.

I haven't established a theme for NaBloPoMo, but if I had to pick one tonight it would be something like "oversharing" or "no topic is off limits" or "hey, I have to write 30 blogs in the next 30 days, there isn't much I won't tell you!" Oh lucky lucky you, my lovelies.

I've never put much stock in dream interpretation, and I still don't. Personally, my dreams seem to be mostly influenced by recent life events, and more recently, the nifty fact that my sleep apnea has resolved, allowing me to get lots more quality REM sleep. I also know that a certain medicine I started taking recently can lead to unusual and vivid dreams, and well, I had one recently that was so weird, it just has to be shared.

You see, in my dream, I was back in undergrad, even though I was the same age I am now. One of my classmates wasn't very nice to me at first but then we became friends, and once that friendship was established he revealed to me that he was, in fact, Batman. True story. He even showed me how he transformed into Batman, and interestingly enough, he had a very red, um, Thinker, shall we say, which he showed me. Then he invited me back to the batcave, where we did things. Upside down things.

And yes, I have now revealed that in dreamland, I had sex with Batman. I have officially overshared. NaBloPoMo for the win!!!

and so it begins...

It's November 1st, so you know what that means? NABLOPOMO, my babies!!! One post for every day of the month. God help me.

I got home tonight just in time to write this blog (yay!) and right in time to see the final out of tonight's World Series game (big yay!).

But alas, it's now just about midnight, and yours very truly here must get some sleep so she can get up and go to work tomorrow. So good night, my lovelies. I hope you're looking forward to this NaBloPoMo business as much as I am!

the happy

Okay, people. This is a clandestine blog being written from the workplace. Normally I wouldn't do such things, but today I am preserving my sanity by ANY MEANS NECESSARY and blogging qualifies for that. I mean, you know the day is off to a good start when it's 10:00 AM and you're thinking of calling for back-up. And in my case my back-up would be a little someone named LesleyMom, who could probably settle all the workplace drama in about 5 minutes flat and make sure everyone was on their best behavior. But alas, I don't believe I have that option so I just have to do my Lesley bestest to keep calm and carry on. And to encourage other people to do the same. And above all, I have to STAY POSITIVE.

Thus, the need for the happy. I haven't done this in a while, but I feel like listing some of the things making me happy today! I'm only listing three though, because I may need to do this again tomorrow, and the day after that. And the day after that. And every day until Certain Project is DONE.

So here it is. The happy:

- The meat hand. A meatloaf baked in the shape of a hand. I sooooooo want to make one for Halloween! Not really sure how one would serve such a meatloaf, but who cares, it's cool. I've never actually made a meatloaf, though. This could get interesting.

- I wore a button-down shirt yesterday, and I had worn one last Thursday, too. I can't remember the last time I had done that, but I'm guessing it was easily about 9 years ago. No, seriously, it was. It makes me ridiculously happy that I can do that now. I suppose I could have before, I just didn't bother, but hey, this is making me happy now. OMG, wardrobe options!

- This song. "I Got a Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas. Ordinarily, I am not a fan of feel-good music (or movies or anything) but I can't help but love this song, and I can't sit still when I hear it and I totally have to sing out loud along with it. And, to a certain person reading this who knows who she is, I know this song makes you happy too, and I will be singing it tomorrow and thinking of you!


That's enough happy for now. I feel better already. Come on, get happy!

sontagsabendismus

What's that? Oh it's my word for Sunday Evening Dread**. I hardly ever get the Sunday Evening Dread, but unfortunately this week I've got a fierce case of it. I can't really say why or who's to blame, because hey, I LOVE MY JOB and MY PAYCHECK and MY BENEFITS -- in fact, as you know, I love them all so much that really what I want to do is run into the office tomorrow and hump my chair -- but what I will say is that I am so looking forward to November 5th, and not just because it kicks off the one-month countdown until the Sacred Festival of Lesleymas.

** Notice that it's a German word, which makes it extra scary. Just like all things with German names, like Doppelganger, Angst, Kindergarten, etc.

Other than the Sontagsabendismus, I had a pretty good weekend. You want to know some of what I did? Of course you do! Bulleted list time!!!

- Friday night I went to one of those jewelry parties at the house of a high school friend who I hadn't seen since 1991! Crazy, right? We reconnected on Facebook, natch, and now we're planning some Girls' Nights Out / mini-reunions for the not-too-distant future. I know that some people hate the big reunion aspect of Facebook and would rather leave the past in the past, but for the most part it's been very positive for me. Especially with my recent life events (e.g., gettin' my innards all rerouted, and the subsequent weight loss), it's been nice to have lots of people to socialize with now that I actually feel like being social and have the energy to do so!

- Yesterday I went to a Halloween party, which I'll admit I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to or not, but I was glad I went. The good part was that I got to wear a certain dress I had sewn earlier this year and hadn't gotten around to listing on eBay yet.

- Today, I'll admit I vegged out. I lay like broccoli, I was still like vegetables. I got caught up on a LOT of my DVR-ing which was nice. There were some odd adventures later in the day, but for the most part, it was a nice to relax, catch up on my shows and not clean my house.

- Stall update: the scale is still on the top shelf of my linen closet, and having it out of sight and out of mind has reduced my anxiety by quite a bit, and reduced those feelings of wanting to give up. Maybe I'll just continue ignoring the scale, even after my one month hiatus. Maybe.

Good night, my lovelies.

woke up, got outta bed, dragged a comb across my head...

Oh hey, it's me again! Blogging in the morning! I usually try to blog every weekday but lately I've been just not feelin' it, dawg. Plus, I've decided to do the NaBloPoMo** so I'm saving it for that. I'm sure the official NaBloPoMo people will have some sort of theme they suggest, but their themes usually suck, so I will just do my own thing. Ya know, like I always do.

**National Blog Posting Month. Posting every day in November, that is.

On a completely unrelated note, I am going to a Halloween party on Saturday and need to scare up a costume of some sort. Any suggestions???

More blog love later. Time to get ready for work.

stall

You see this? To the left right there? This? This is not the enemy. That's what I keep telling myself, at least. Why? I'll explain.

The truth is, people, I am in what we call a stall. Some call it a plateau, some say they've stopped losing weight altogether, but really, I prefer to think of it as a stall. I know it's temporary, I know I didn't fail my surgery or worse, myself, I know that it's probably my body's reaction to the fact that I've lost a metric fuckton of weight, oh and hey, the cold weather is back and I'm freezing all the time. I know these things. Rationally, at least.

But my non-rational and more-feeling self will tell you that this is really hard. I don't understand why the scale isn't moving right now, especially since I'm keeping my calories low and I have stepped up my workouts exponentially. These are the things that have worked before -- why aren't they working now? I worry I'll never lose another pound, and I am not ready to be done yet. Not hardly. Not by a long shot.

I know this stall will break. I know this. I know it in my bones, and in my step, and even in the sweat that drips down my face as I'm Zumba-ing. I will continue doing what I need to do -- exercising and tracking my calories, and sticking with my nutritional guidelines -- and hoping for the best. I am sure this stall will eventually break, but until that day comes it feels downright soul-crushing.

And now, you must excuse me, as my non-enemy scale needs to be put on a very high shelf, well out of my reach. Good night.

end o' weekend roundup

Hey kids, it's me. I'm numbered-listing you tonight, with some exciting details from my weekend!

1. On Saturday, I put on a pretty dress and went to a wedding. As you can see, I also applied makeup and put on jewelry, so I looked just like a princess! I *love* that dress and need to come up with another occasion to wear it. It's been suggested that perhaps I should wear it to Target and the gro-store, and hey, why not?

2. I've had a sore lower back for a few days, or lumbago as I prefer to call it. I'm not too pleased with this. It got aggravated when I was on the plane and my smurf legs couldn't reach the floor so I had to sit at an odd angle. I used to think it was the width of the seats that hurt my back, but no, it's the short-leg-factor. Blast.

3. I saw Zombieland tonight and thought it was brilliant. I'm glad there are movie people out there who realize how funny zombies can be. I kinda wanted to see Paranormal Activity, but I was afraid that if I saw that movie I'd get so freaked out that I'd have to go sleep at my parents' house for a week or something.

4. I won't tell you exactly what I'm doing right now at the very end of the weekend, but let's just say that it involves a snuggie, an orange cat, and a movie I taped off the Hallmark channel. Party on!

back to life, back to reality

Oh yes, I am back from Florida, people! That's me, Starbucks in hand (yes, they have Starbucks at Universal! Two of them!), saying goodbye to Universal Orlando. I would really like to go back there, and actually my ticket is still good until Saturday, so if I should disappear during the day tomorrow, you'll know where I am. It'll be our secret. I have to say that Universal is the best-run theme park I have ever seen. One of my favorite features was that outside of every ride with tight seating, they have a sample seat so you can check if your ass fits in the seat before you get on line. Fortunately for me, my ass fit in all the rides I tried. YAY FOR ME & MY SHRINKING ASS!

In related shrinking-ass news, do you know how much easier it is for me to travel now? Well, let me tell you, it's easy-peasy. I got on the plane and the first thing I thought was "Wow, they have really wide aisles on this plane!" Then I sat in the seat and thought "Wow, so roomy! What huge seats! The armrest doesn't even dig into me!" Took me a few minutes to figure out that no, it's not the plane that changed, it's me. I can't even tell you what a relief it is to get on a plane and feel normal and not feel like anyone is giving me the evil eye.

In other news, today I really felt the effects of going from 95 degree weather yesterday to 41 degree weather today. Throw in the fact that I've lost over 170 lbs of insulation and I own virtually no cold-weather clothes and, as you can imagine, I was freezing my ass off. I need to rectify this lack of cold-weather clothes situation this weekend, but I don't expect to make any huge wardrobe investments. A few shirts, a couple pairs of pants, and hey, we're done until the next size change. Any and all donations to Lesley's Cold Weather Clothing Fund will be gratefully accepted.

And now, you must excuse me as I need to hem some donated jeans to wear tomorrow. And by "hem" I mean "duct tape". Because that's how I roll, my babies.

where have i been?

Oh ya know, I've been here and there and everywhere...
Here I am at Universal Studios Orlando, Florida having more fun than humans should be allowed to have! I'll be on my way home later today so stay tuned for further developments!

Incidentally, I would love to travel back to Orlando in the not-too-distant future so let me know if you'd like to join me...

yes, still here!

Oh, people, you are too kind. I skip blogging for two days in a row, and some of you email me to ask if everything's okay. The short answer is: yes, I'm fine. I just haven't had much to say, and I didn't want to numbered-list you again.

But I have no problem with telling you a bunch of random things and NOT calling it a list! Mwahahahahah!!!

Autumn is apparently HERE with a vengeance. I was holding out hope for some Indian Summer action, but now that it's almost Columbus Day, I think that ship has sailed. Wait... are we still allowed to say Indian Summer? Do I need to call it Native American Summer? Anyone?

The autumn has also brought about somebody's annual case of the seasonal affective disorder. I (still) blame this on Minnesota, whether I should or not. Steps are being taken to alleviate said disorder. And if any of you have any lightbox advice, please drop me a line, because I would love to know.

I need to send back my old phone to Verizon today. The one that did things like shut itself off and have non-working keys, so it got replaced under warranty which then led to a huge saga involving their sending me the wrong phone as a replacement (with no battery!) and my storming into the Verizon store and informing them that I was not leaving without a fully-functioning phone. I'd kinda like to include a note with the return suggesting that they shove the old phone up their collective asses, but that may be inappropriate, as some would say.

I am sure I have probably ranted about this before, but I don't care. It's worth repeating. See, if you are overweight, every single doctor you ever see for any condition whatsoever will advise you to exercise. One doctor even wrote me a prescription for exercise! (This was done so that the flexible spending account will cover my gym membership.) Great. That's good advice. In fact, I now stand 100 percent behind said advice and actually wish I had consistently heeded it a LOT sooner, but that is neither here nor there. What is both here and there is the fact that there are no retail stores that sell exercise-appropriate clothing in a size greater than XL, and no sports bras in a D-cup or higher. Trust me, I have looked. And looked. And then looked some more. Oh sure, you can buy them online, but this makes the whole trying-it-on process fairly difficult, plus you have to pay shipping. I think these same doctors need to write a prescription for the exercise-clothing-selling-stores to expand their options. Because I need a new sports bra, and I'm mad that I have to wait for it to ship. I need to support the masses!

And finally, I leave you with a photo of little 4-year-old Lesleygirl, running around some fountains in Orlando, Florida. Why am I posting this? Oh because tomorrow evening, 30-something-year-old Lesleygirl will be getting on a plane and heading to... wait for it... Orlando, Florida! No Disney World this time, though, unlike the trip when I was 4. I'll be staying near Universal, so I plan to do some exploring there. I also plan to spend some time lounging by the hotel pool and soaking up some sun.

Have an enjoyable weekend, people. And Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian peeps!

some days...

Some days I just have nothing to say. This is one of them. I think I used up my word quota very early in the day, and I can assure you that all of my People Calories were out by lunchtime, although lunchtime didn't happen until 2:00pm because it was just that sort of day.

1. Today's theme was apparently "chicken". I made a chicken-avocado-goat cheese salad for lunch. And then for dinner I grilled some chicken boob with Adobo, and then simmered them in chicken stock. It was the nomz, and I made enough so I have lots of leftovers for meals and snacks later this week. I'm glad I can eat the chicken boob again. It's quite dense and keeps Seymour happy for a long, long time.

2. I forgot my Nexium today, and the resulting agita is hurting. Ughhhhh...

3. I had to go to GNC to buy more protein, and the muscley guy behind the counter said "Wow, you've totally lost weight, haven't you?" I thanked him, and said that yes I had, in fact. Hmmm... so does this mean he wants me? Because I could totally get my cougar on with this sweet young muscle head. And maybe he could get me a discount on my proteins!

4. Every week when I watch Biggest Loser, all I can think is that Bob and Jillian need to get together and breed some uber-trainer babies. Seriously. I should email them!

5. Oh and speaking of Biggest Loser, when they had that guess-the-calorie challenge, I guessed 440, and the correct answer was 445! I actually did the maths, and figured it out. Yes, I've become quite the calorie-counting guru, haven't I? Although, had I been on the show, my guess would have been "ONE DOLLAR!" Because, as we've learned on The Price Is Right, that's always the right guess.

6. The new windows stink less today. This is good news. Although I feel bad that the kitteh can't sit in the window anymore, so I may need to rig up a window perch for her.


I can only think of six things to tell you. Send me some writing mojo, would you? That is just not enough!

monday melange

What a day, people. I should be sleeping now, since I've been up since 5:00 AM** and all, however, I am now pretty damn sure that that was not decaf they gave me at Starbucks!

**Those of you who know me well know that I didn't really wake up at 5:00 AM, since I don't like setting my alarm for round numbers like that. Instead, I heard the grind-and-brew coffee pot start up at 4:59, then the radio came on at 5:03, prompting me to get out of bed. There was also a back-up set to come on at 5:07. I am not sure why I avoid the round numbers. Just another way of sticking it to the man, I suppose.

Oh well, not even Starbucks could be a match for this brand o' tired! I'm going to numbered-list ya's today. Why? Oh why not!

1. My windows were all replaced (yay!) but Clementine was less than thrilled with her outing to Casa de LesleyParents (boo!). She cried big pathetic meows the whole way to their house (about 20 minutes), then once we got there she first hid inside a desk, and then decided that underneath the sideboard in the living room was really the place to be. And she stayed there. ALL. DAY. Poor kitteh. When it was time to leave, she quite willingly got back into the cat carrier and slept the whole time on the way home. I was expecting her to hide or act all pissy when we got home, but she's been a very sweet kitteh and is currently attempting to steal my Slanket as I type this.

2. The epoxy from the new windows has quite the stench. They had left my windows all closed (inexplicably) so I have them all open and have two fans running. Yes, it's cool out, but the Slanket helps.

3. I am tired of dealing with people's egos. Just putting that out there. On a good day, I feel like I am quite good at navigating such things and diffusing the drama the ego-clashing creates, but today I just did not have it in me. Today I was more in the mood to hand out smackdowns and tell people to STFU and just do their work, and most importantly, to LISTEN TO ME. Yeah, just putting that out there.

4. I have to freeze some chicken I bought last week. Remind me in case I forget. I'm going to freeze it in the brine so when it defrosts it'll brine in the process. Genius!

5. I can't think of a 5, so instead I'll tell you what I had for lunch: leftover Chipotle burrito bol. Good, GOOD stuff. I really love that I can get three servings out of one burrito bol. In the old days, I would polish off a whole burrito plus chips and salsa. Crazy times.

Good night. Time for me to set the alarm. This time for 6:37. Just to keep me on my toes.

home improvement

Tomorrow is going to be just a little crazy. To the right there, you'll see my house, all covered in siding wrapper stuff which, incidentally, could be way more festive than it is! Why not put a catchy design on the wrapper stuff? Or at least make it a color other than white? What's wrong with being at least a little festive?

I'm getting a Complete Makeover, Home Edition, you see. Tomorrow is window day, as I had mentioned previously. I have to wake up wicked early so I can push my furniture away from the windows (this just involves my loveseat and the shelves in the kitchen), and then I need to crate up Clementine and bring her to my parents' house for the day. Many phone calls have transpired about this arrangement. Many. And that's all I'm saying about that.

I had an insanely busy weekend, but alas, I have no time to blog about said weekend. Another day, my dears, another day. I must now rest up for the pushing of the furniture and the crating of the cat!

the badness fair

Oh I know, no blog yesterday. Well, I was tired! So tired that I started falling asleep around 9:30, so I skipped blogging and went right to bed, slept until 8:00 AM, and truth be told, I am still tired today. I'm fighting off some sinusy/ear thing and I believe it is sucking my energy. But don't worry -- I've taken extra vitamins, and consumed a metric fuckton of water and herbal tea, so I'm fighting back!

Yesterday at work we had a Wellness Fair. I'll admit, I didn't spend too much time at said Wellness Fair, but that mostly has to do with my own desire to not have nutritionists and gym people give me a smug smile and tell me how they can help me. I'm doing okay on my own, thank you very much. There were some wellness-type snacks, and I partook of some pecans and an apple. It was a good idea (and I'm not just saying that because the person who ran it for my office reads this blog!!!) but the timing wasn't so great for me, and I found myself not really wanting a Wellness Fair as much as I really wanted a... wait for it...

BADNESS FAIR!

What would the Badness Fair involve? Oh, I'm glad you asked that question! For starters, the Badness Fair would feature such things as staying up too late, watching a lot of TV, and tequila shots. Topics covered would include:

• How to bust open the cardboard on a box of wine to squeeze the last few drips of White Zin out of the foil thingy inside (oh come on, I know I'm not the only one who's done that!)
  
  
• What to do if there's more TV on than your DVR can handle (don't we all have that problem on Thursday nights, people?)
  
  
• The Snuggie vs. The Slanket: Which is the Best Blanket-With-Sleeves
  
  
• How to brew the perfect cup of kick-ass coffee to wake you up on those especially rough mornings
  

There would be snacks at the Badness Fair, too, however, they would all involve BACON. Bacon sammiches, chocolate-covered bacon, bacon cupcakes, you name it! Not that I even eat bacon, but hey, a Badness Fair is a Badness Fair. I'd have some jello for the non-bacon eaters. Sugar-free 'cause that's how I roll, my babies.

And now, you must excuse me, as I need to get some sleepies. If I'm going to fight off whatever is brewing in my sinuses, I need to rest. So my own personal Badness Fair is on hold for the evening. Good night!

what have you done today to make you feel PROUD?

Oh, thanks for asking, Biggest Loser! Let's see, so far today I've done the following: ate the food I had planned to eat, and I went to Zumba!

Biggest Loser made me bawl tonight, yet again. Probably because I've been there (hell, I'm still there) and I know from whence they speak. But the two players who were sent home tonight? (I'm not naming them so I don't ruin it for my west coast peeps.) How sweet were they? They may have gone home, but their attitude makes them the Biggest Winners. And the crazy girl who was busy being all crazy this week? Well, I totally hope her ass goes home next week. DO NOT LIKE.

I'm way too tired and stressed to write more right now -- tomorrow is the end of the third quarter and things are a little crazed. So I have homework for you: tell me, what have you done today to make you feel proud?

oh monday, monday...

Some things you would have done this fine Monday if you were me. Which you're not. But if you were.

- Took the day off, on account of not feeling so well, and feeling pretty sure that my 10 remaining sick days will see me through the rest of the year.

- Finished cleaning up after yesterday's bathroom ceiling mishap. Something happened upstairs in Football Guy's apartment** which resulted in a big bubble in the ceiling over my shower, which leaked some murky water into my shower and onto the floor. Not exactly pleasant.

** Yes, I will explain the Football Guy moniker another day.

- Dropped off my car for new front brakes. 117,500 miles on the original brakes? Yeah, I'm pretty happy with my Volkswagen! Although I was told by LesleyMom "That's because you don't ride your brake. You get that from me." My sister met me at the shop and lent me her car since she's going into the city tomorrow and won't need it. It's fun driving her new car with the snazzy XM radio (yay!) but I always feel so naked when I'm sans Beetle. I mean, am I still The Lesley without it?

- Went to the Verizon Wireless store with my stupid phone. It keeps shutting off randomly and now the OK button on the front (which unlocks it) stopped working. Both are apparently known issues, so they're sending me a new phone. I'm guessing it's going to be a re-furb, so I'm going to have to pretend that it's brand new and not think about the whole "re-furb" thing. Because if I get the idea in my head that someone else sneezed on my phone, I'll never make another call again.

- On Friday I was given a notice a notice from the apartment management people that the siding and my porch are both being replaced beginning today, so this morning at 7:00 AM, I had to move everything off of the porch. The end result is that there are now two Adirondack chairs in my living room. I have to say, I really like the look of outdoor furniture in my living room. It really snazzes the place up. The aforementioned notice also advised me that on a yet-to-be-determined day next week, my windows will be replaced too and that on the appointed day I should stow my pet in a cat carrier for the day so she doesn't run away. Umm... the what and the who now? Have these people ever spent any time with a cat??? I could not in good conscience put Clementine in her cat carrier and then go out for about 10 hours while workers were trooping through the house, replacing stuff. So, Clementine will instead enjoy a brief respite over at Chez LesleyParents. I think they're excited for her visit, actually, and LesleyDad has announced plans to re-name her Toonces. Not sure if he also plans to teach her to drive a car, but I'll keep you posted.

- Got the official letter from my insurance company about the thing they denied me for last week. I have already started the appeal process, but still, getting that letter was disheartening just the same. I'm not entirely convinced that the appeal will go well, but I am entirely convinced that what I am asking for is medically necessary, so I am prepared to go to the state board of appeals if I have to. Oh and needless to say, but I am keeping this vague on here right now, but if we're cool and you want to know what's up, you can email me.

- Received so many nice and supportive emails and comments on here and comments on Facebook after posting my before & after photos. Awww, people! You're the best! I appreciate your support, and it means so much to me to know that I have my very own cheering section out there cheering me on. You rock! btw, the progress photo album in its entirety is online elsewhere, so email me if you want the linky.

That's all.

before and after

OMG, people! Guess what I have finally done? MY ONE YEAR PHOTOS!!! Oh yeah, if you just got here, I'll bring you up to speed: I just lost a bunch of weight (and I'm still losing more). You can read all about that action, but see below for pictures!

Before I post them, I have a few things to say. I feel very emotional when I look at my before photos. And this isn't even a proper "before", I had lost 30 lbs before this photo was taken. I look at the before picture below, and I think sure, I'm smiling, but I was not so much smiling on the inside. Making the decision for surgery was the hardest decision I've ever made in my life, and I'm amazed that I looked so sane just hours before I had to go to Barix and climb on that operating table. I also feel oddly proud when I look at that photo, because the woman in that photo? She is the bravest person I will ever know. And I continue to carry that bravery around within me, and I feel that it's my duty to continue to live it out in new and different ways. No matter what I ever lose, I will never lose that.

So here they are, first the before:


And, the after:

Nice, right?

But guess what? It doesn't even compare to how GREAT it feels! Not only with how much my health has improved, but really, the sense of accomplishment I now have. I am finding that whenever I have a challenge in front of me, rather than doubting myself, I think "Of course I can do this! I lost 170 lbs in a year -- I can do ANYTHING!"

I'm a little embarrassed now that I've gone public with my before-and-afters. There's still part of me that feels ashamed that I ever got to where I was in that before photo, but I am working on that. Baby steps, baby steps...

Oh and p.s. if any of you know how to do the fancy picture splicing to do a proper before-and-after, be a lamb and let me know. My Photoshop skillz ain't the greatest.

mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho...

Oh, I am tired, people. I was ready to fall asleep while watching some teevee, so I thought I'd tuck in early. Oh and do some word spew here too. (Word spew? Yeah, I don't know what that means either. Let's just go with it, mmmmkay?)

Today, when I found myself feeling like things weren't going my way (which happened quite a bit today, mind you), I was singing Jay's rap from Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. Singing it in my head, that is. If you don't know which rap I mean, go ahead and click over, but since it is from a Kevin Smith movie, I must warn you there's quite a few f-bombs dropped, so don't go listen if you're a Baby Ears.

And now I'm falling asleep while typing this. That can't be good. I'd better finish my jello, turn off the Golden Girls and go to sleep. G'night!

triumphant tuesday

Today's presentation went very well, thanks for asking. I was the last presenter of the day, lucky girl that I am, but really, it went well. I couldn't have asked for better. There was a reception afterward, but I really wasn't in the mood for hors d'oerves and smalltalk, I was more in the mood for an Escape From New York-style exit.

I am proud to say that I walked everywhere I had to go today -- well, I mean, obviously, I took the train to and from New York, but once I got there? I walked. According to the GoWear, I walked over 14,000 steps today. How cool is that? I know many of you will read this and think "Umm... so what?" but I just can't take these things for granted.

I'm feeling a little melancholy tonight (ugh) and I'm not even exactly sure why. I think right now I just feel pulled in several different directions, and well, I hate that. Because when that happens, I'm usually the one that suffers, and I will pass on that action, thankyouverymuch.

That's all.

merit badge?

Why is it that as adults we don't get merit badges? Look at cute little 10 year old Lesleygirl to the right there -- what do you see on that Girl Scout sash? MERIT BADGES. And seriously, I don't recall breaking a sweat for too many of them. Oh and don't ask what's up with the bandana -- we were doing some sort of program about the Lenapes.

Today I feel that I earned at least two or three merit badges. And not just that, but I earned a sash to wear them on. Oh hell, I earned a bandana too!

The phone rang at 8:00 AM this morning, just as I was going to walk out the door to go to work. It was my insurance company. That big important approval I needed? DENIED. And why? Because the effing doctor's office didn't send all the information they had. So now I have to appeal. Fuckinghell.

Stress is hard for everyone, but as I get further out from surgery I'm becoming increasingly aware that I have to be so, so careful about how I deal with it. I can eat more than I could a few months ago, and it's not outside the realm of possibility that I could do some stress-eating. And when I got off the phone with the insurance company, I did think about it. I wanted to go buy a bagel with butter. No, a bagel with cream cheese. No, BOTH. And then I wanted some Ben & Jerry's to chase them down. Just drown my sorrows in all of them.

But I didn't. I sat on the porch with my kitteh in my lap for a few minutes, drank a cup of mint tea, and calmed myself down. No stress-eating. Now where is my merit badge?

After I got to work, I called the appeals department at my insurance company. After about 10 different phone calls, I now have the process underway. I think that earned me another merit badge.

Then, when I actually got some actual work done, I wrote a presentation that I'm giving tomorrow and even put together a PowerPoint presentation for it. I'm pretty nervous about this thing, people. They've never asked me to do something like this before, and if this goes well, maybe I could do more of it. I'm no stranger to the public speaking, obviously, I just wish I knew more what to expect. Putting this thing together though? MERIT BADGE.

After work, I was tired (and perhaps cranky, but let's not get into that) and yet, I still dragged myself to Zumba and got my Zumba on. MERIT BADGE.

There should be some sort of Girl-Scouts-like org for adults that would award these and other merit badges. We could even have fun little meetings and sell cookies! But ix-nay on the holding hands and singing "Kumbayah." The Lesley does not approve of such things.

And now you must excuse me, but I've got a merit-badge-worthy presentation to finish preparing for. Good night.

weekend round-up, end of summer edition

With numbers!

1. Even though it was freezing all weekend, I wore shorts. One must wear shorts while it's still technically the summer, you see.

2. I slept a LOT this weekend. Enough that it made me get all "OMG, I must be depressed, I'd better not put my head in the oven!" (Not that I would. It's electric. So don't flip out or anything.) 8 hours Friday night, and 10 hours last night, as a matter of fact. I'm just going to go with the theory that I needed said sleep and just leave it at that.

3. I got a lot done around the house, mostly things I had been procrastinating on, like now sorting through my fall/winter clothes and figuring out which need to go to charity. The answer? EVERYTHING MUST GO. Yeah, I literally have no fall or winter clothes now. Me am scared! In order to inspire myself for all this sorting and discarding, I watched that Hoarders show on A&E. OMG, people! If this show doesn't inspire you to clean, NOTHING WILL.

4. I made more chicken boob today with less success than last time. I think the difference was because I was using previously frozen chicken boobs. I'll have to stick with the fresh boobs. I mean, no one likes to put their boobs in the freezer, right?

5. I decided I'm going to knit myself this neck warmer out of the yarn to your right, there. I was at first going to use more of a winter white, thinking that would go with any color coat (since, mind you, as of right now, I have no coat!) or outfit (since I will likely be wearing the neck warmer at my freezing office) but I had this purple in my stash, and it's just so pretty! I need to get my knitting mojo back anyway, and I'm sure the purple cables will excite me much more than winter white ones would. I have to wind the yarn tonight, which is no simple feat, considering the enthusiasm with which Clementine the kitteh regards this activity. She gets all crazy-eyed and tries to join in, like "OMG, you like playing with string? I like playing with string!"

6. Today is the last day of summer. And this is the last item on the bulleted list. That's all.

thursday thirteen

Because I am exhausted beyond all recognition, and seriously, all I can manage today is a list. A numbered list. Don't expect miracles.

Thirteen Things I Did/Ate/Saw/Heard Today:

1. I've been having issues with feeling snacky mid-morning when it's most definitely not snacky time. Today I remedied this by making my breakfast with a double scoop of the chocolate Max Protein. Once again, I can't say enough good things about the Max Protein. This stuff rocks. All other protein shakes are Dead To Me.

2. My first meeting of the day began at 9:00 AM. Thankfully, it was my ONLY meeting of the day, which meant that I had actual time to do actual work. I love days like this.

3. The premiere of The Office was on. Me likely mucho.

4. For lunch I ate a chopped salad, which was left over from my dinner Wednesday night at Bertucci's. It was the nomz, and I've concluded that I love salad, but I only love it if someone else makes it for me. I don't like the whole cutting and chopping thing, and I don't like ending up with slightly used vegetables cluttering up my crisper drawer. So if you want to get on my good side, and you know you do, you can make me a salad. Or hell, even buy me one someone else made!

5. I actually wore pants to work today, breaking my summer-long trend of cute skirts and dresses. I felt super self-conscious wearing pants, but actually I got a ton of compliments today. I should also mention that the pants and the shirt I was wearing actually fit me, so that probably made a difference. Baggy clothes ain't so flattering, yo.

6. Took my Power Step class after work and totally worked my ass off. I didn't plug in my GoWear armband yet to check but yeah, I totally worked for it tonight. And I was a Good Samaritan and helped out some newbies by showing them a couple steps before class. They asked me. It was weird, but yet kinda cool.

7. I did not make one single trip to Starbucks today. Write this day down. This may not happen again for quite some time.

8. I was freezing after dinner, so I put on my Slanket. The Slanket is the Snuggie's classier cousin. Clementine is so not a lap cat, but she apparently finds the Slanket irresistible and couldn't climb onto my lap fast enough. Not sure what that's about. Is the Slanket infused with catnip?

9. I wished someone a happy birthday even though I think they are a terrible and mean person. Not sure if this counts as a good deed or not.

10. Watched that new HBO show "Bored to Death." You should watch it, too.

11. Dinner tonight was a quesadilla made on half a low-carb tortilla. There was cheese and black beans and salsa, and there was also a fire alarm that went off because someone got a little cheese on the burner. Damn electric stove.

12. I believe I did a much better job today keeping myself hydrated than I have done all week. I don't know why I was forgetting to drink and letting myself get all dried out, but it sucked, people. After working out, I felt like a dish rag, and one night I even woke up during the night because I was so thirsty. Tonight, however, I felt pretty freaking good after my killer workout, and I don't believe I'll be waking up at 3:00 AM again with that "MUST. HAVE. WATER." feeling.

13. I did a little researching to see if I could swing a little mini-break over Columbus Day weekend. I don't think it's going to be feasible, but ah, a girl can dream...


That's 13. That's enough. For now.

you're the meaning in my life, you're the...

INSPIRATION!

Tonight I was at my surgery support group, at which meeting several people told me that I am "such an inspiration" to them**. I still feel a little weird when I hear this. I mean, yeah, I know I've lost a metric fuckton of weight and all, but inspirational? Really, I'm just doing what Dr. Pupkova told me I should do. Every day is hard, but every day I wake up and do what must be done because I am committed to my good health. Inspirational? I don't know.

** One other meeting attendee told me, in front of the whole meeting, that she thinks I am such an inspiration because I "do the Zomba" (sic). I said "thank you". She said it again. Another "thank you." She said it again. She would not. let. it. go. I'm not sure what's so inspirational about my Zumba-ing. It almost felt a little like "OMG, even the fat girl can do it! Good job, fat girl!" but even I will admit that perhaps I am too sensitive about such things. But I will also admit that I have every reason to be.

I still haven't done my one-year photos. This is bad. I just got a cute haircut, so now I need to buy a cute outfit. So if you'd like to go shopping with me, let me know. I need help. Shopping gets me all flummoxed and I need some tutoring.

And now I must sleep, so that tomorrow I will be well-rested. Ya know, so I can "do the Zomba." Good night.

meh

Some days I don't feel like I have anything interesting to say. This is one of them.

I found this photo on my hard drive tonight. Me, as a purple crayon, circa age 7. You like those knee socks pulled all the way up? Yeah, you know you do, baby. Besides, I totally knew how to work 'em.

In news that's exciting to me and me alone, I was able to cook and eat chicken breast tonight. See, the chicken boobs and I weren't getting along so well, but at last week's company outing, the chicken rocked so I asked the caterer how he'd made it. So I bought some chicken sliced for scallopini, marinated it briefly, grilled it until it was half done, then cooked it the rest of the way in stock. SO GOOD. I never knew being able to eat chicken boob once again would make me so happy, but it did!

In other news, you know that "I just saw Haley's Comet" song? I think it's actually called "Second Chance" or something. Anyway, I would like to find the guy who sings it, and kick the living shit out of him for putting such vile emo crap on the radio. I blame Nickelback for this as well. They started it.

Meh. That's all I can scare up tonight.