i got my rock moves, and i don't need you...

Am I getting crabbier or is there just more stupid in the world right now? It's entirely possible that the stupid was always among us, I just have no patience for it now. And there are several varieties of the stupid bugging the living shit out of me right now. And I kinda feel like listing them:

- The drama llama stupid - Ah, people. I could be like Lionel Richie and spend ALL! NIGHT! LONG! writing about this one. I'm so tired of it, it's not even funny. Since my surgery, I've spent a lot of time on message boards for those of us who have been sliced and diced, and I've grown weary of the posts that go something like "OMG! I went to a dinner and they had a dessert there with SUGAR in it! Don't they know I can't eat that? Why would they put it in the same room as me? OMG, no one cares about me! Nothing will ever be good!" People, it's time to build a bridge and GET OVER IT. As far as I'm concerned, the day I signed on for surgery is the same day I signed on to live my sugar-free life in a sugar-filled world. Do I wish sometimes that there were more sugar-free options at restaurants and parties? Of course I do, but I'm sure as hell not going to expect the whole world to cater to my needs. And do I feel deprived? Oh hells no. For me, deprivation ended on August 25th, 2008.

- The know-it-all stupid - Earlier tonight, after my workout, I ate part of a protein bar that I've eaten many times before. It didn't agree with me tonight, unfortunately. Not anywhere near as bad as the Sugar Free Oreo Incident, but still, it wasn't the most pleasant feeling in the world. I felt shaky, had some pouch pain, and had a sweaty head. It felt like Dumping Syndrome Junior. So I made a remark on the Facebook that I am going to un-friend the Supreme Protein bars. I thought it was funny, and that my surgery peeps would appreciate the humor. Then I was advised by a Know-It-All that I should really buy my groceries around the perimeter of the store. Ummm... the who and the what now? I wasn't looking for advice, I wasn't even looking for sympathy, but please, don't kick me when I'm down, and don't give me some oversimplified, unsolicited, stupid advice. I've been at this almost 11 months, I've been quite successful, I think I know what I am doing. The know-it-all even reiterated this remark, ya know, in case I didn't catch it the first time. Please! When she loses 150lb, AS I HAVE, she can give me all the advice she wants, but until then she can keep her whore mouth shut. The same goes for every other know-it-all out there.


Wow, I really could continue writing about teh studips but you know, just citing these two examples has left me feeling so! much! better! Now off to do more smart things. Good night!

ohhhhh, what you do to meeeeeeee...

Seriously, whose idea is it to play "Hey There Delilah" like EVER? Does anyone actually want to hear that song? And why, exactly, did they have to play it when I was at the gym changing into my workout gear??? UGH.

I had a very stressful day at work. Now remember, the important thing to note is that I LOVE MY JOB and LOVE BEING AN EMPLOYEE and LOVE MY SALARY AND BENEFITS. What I don't love is all the drama that's been going on lately because we just went through a restructuring. I am simultaneously dealing with the "OMG we're all getting fired!" drama and the "I'm a new manager and am going to make everyone miserable, just because I can!" drama. Neither of which I'm a fan of. I did deliver some smackdown today though. And I am prepared to deliver more. Hell, I'll even flip some tables to get my point across if I have to. I'm a Jersey Girl, you know, and apparently that is what we do, if the Real Housewives can be believed.

What made my day better? The gym. I kid you not. Specifically, my favoritest step class, which according to my GoWear, burned up 700 calories. Although, I am really curious about something -- those women who come to class with a whole bunch of jewelry and a whole face of makeup on? What is that about? Maybe it's just me, but I take off my jewelry and makeup since I think sweating with either of those on is yuck.

Dinner tonight was swordfish, rather than the previously-scheduled mahi, because someone forgot to defrost the mahi. Oh well. I made a balsamic-dijon-tomato glaze, and ate it with roasted asparagus. Mad cooking skillz? I has 'em.

monday morning, you sure look fine...

I'm very tired tonight, so how about a list of things you would have done today if you were me, which you're not, but if you were:

- Woke up way before alarm clock, with grand plans to "get some things done" before getting ready for work. Instead spend over an hour sitting on the couch, drinking coffee and watching bad morning TV. Time well spent, if you ask me.

- Had a meeting with new boss. Who is maybe new boss' boss and perhaps old boss is still my boss. No one is sure. Boss/boss' boss is the same person who hired me almost seven years ago. So I guess you could say I've come full circle. Ciiiiiiircle of Life, blah blah blah, Lion King song!

- Realized that maybe I shouldn't get another cat because I seem to change my mind from hour to hour over which variety I want. Black, grey, tortoise, tabby, calico. And then the whole girl cat or boy cat debate. It's quite exhausting. However, I must admit that I have some killer boy cat names picked out, but none for a potential girl cat. Potential boy cat names include: Sheldon, Percy (short for Persnickety), Dexter (for an orange boy), and Chairman Meow.

- Went to Borders and Home Depot during my lunch hour. This was my virgin Home Depot experience. It wasn't as testosterone-filled as I had hoped. Afterward I treated myself to some pink lemonade sugar-free water ice from Rita's. Yum!

- Went to Zumba class after work. OMG, I love me up some Zumba! The instructor threw a few Michael Jackson songs into the mix, which I thought was super fun.

- Changed my earlier plans to cook dinner, and instead opted for some tuna in a pouch. Most nights I cook, but tonight I had that whole "Me no wanna cook" feeling. And I wasn't about to waste money on takeout.

- And now I'm here, writing this blog.

Exciting day, no? Now tell me something YOU did this fine Monday!

the finger of blame has turned upon itself...

That's a line from "Fall At Your Feet." I've been uber-melancholy this weekend and getting much comfort from Crowded House (who did "Fall At Your Feet") and BNL, who I think may have even covered "Fall At Your Feet" at some point. I know they did "Distant Sun". But I digress...

One of these weeks, I would really love a weekend where I can rest and relax and not encounter any drama. This was not one of those weekends. Next weekend doesn't look too good, either.

Do you remember that episode of Sex & the City where they talked about everyone's Secret Single Behavior? I certainly have a few things I secretly love to do while alone, but people, I have no plans to give them up when the day comes (and oh yes, it will come) when I am no longer single. In fact I kind of feel like listing some of them.

- When I go through a yellow light I like to yell "Wooooo! Suck on it, bitches!" I'm sure the other drivers really couldn't care less, but I like to feel like I'm getting away with something. Being bad feels pretty good sometimes.

- Sometimes when I'm driving someplace I already know the way to, I like to put on my GPS anyway. Just hearing each step that I already know is oddly reassuring for me and then I have a little dialogue with the GPS. "Turn left on US-206 North." "Right on, sister! Let's do it!"

- I sing to the cat. I've probably admitted to that before, but still, I'm sure it's a little weird. Her current favorite is "Sweet Clementine" which sounds a lot like "Sweet Caroline." It goes something like "Sweet Clementine, meow meow meow, good times never seemed so good..."


Hmmm... I think that's all I feel comfortable admitting to right now. I don't want you to think I'm too weird or anything. You know how that can be.

It's late so I'm going to make myself a vanilla steamer (skim milk + SF vanilla Torani syrup = nom nom!), do a little reading, and get some sleepies. Hopefully tomorrow will be a non-melancholy Monday, but I make no promises. Good night.

friday fill-in

Got this from some of post-weight-loss-surgery-triathlon bloggers. I figured it's Friday, and I'd prefer a blog I didn't have to think too much about. And normally I haven't been blogging on Fridays, so hey! Bonus! Feel free to steal this if ya want.

Here's the Friday Fill-In:

1. The last thing I ate was half a quesadilla made from a low-carb tortilla with shredded cheddar melted inside, topped with salsa and Greek yogurt.

2. My GoWear armband is something I recently bought.

3. When it rains, it makes me wish I could remember where my umbrella is. Actually, I have three, and I think I maybe know where one of them is.

4. The guy at the Volkswagen dealer who changed the lightbulb in my reverse light was the first person I talked to today. Unless you count Clementine the wonder kitteh.

5. Hugs are nice when it's someone I actually like. Otherwise they can be really really creepy.

6. Back in the day I would wear elastic waist pants for Thanksgiving. I called them "buffet pants." NEVER AGAIN.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to chilling at home and getting caught up on my DVR; tomorrow my plans include working out, farmers' market, grocery shopping, then a birthday party; and Sunday, I plan to relax and knit and nap and knit some more.

This was fun! Happy weekend!

suddenly i see this is what i wanna be...

So yesterday I was home from work because of the not feeling well. Then I get back today and find out that someone was canned while I was gone. A big important someone, too. The last time I took a week off, several people lost their jobs. I'm almost afraid to go on vacation! Unless there were some way I could direct this superpower -- like maybe make a list of people I want gone, hop on a plane to Mexico, and then by the time I hop off another plane a week later all tanned and rested, they'll be gone. I mean, it seems it's not outside the realm of possibility at this point.

Other than the firing, which I actually wasn't too sad about, I am feeling pretty fabulous today. I still have a little pouch pain from the Sugar-Free Oreo Incident, but I'm definitely back to my old self. After work, I went to the gym and I was so not feeling the workout mojo, but as it turns out I am SO GLAD that I went. I took another Step class with an instructor I really like, and afterward he very enthusiastically told me what a great job I'm doing, and that he's glad to see that I'm taking classes and not just doing the machines. Yeah, the truth is I was getting bored to tears on the machines. There are days when I do want to just hit the treadmill or elliptical and zone out, and there's other days where it's much more fun to hit the Step or rock the Zumba and shake my ass to some good music. And, please, don't tell LesleyMom this, but all those dance classes she made me take as a child? Yeah, they were not a waste. Apparently, I am good at the dancing, and good at doing a move as the instructor calls it out. And secretly, I laugh a little at the skinny minnies who can't do the moves and can't keep up and stand there staring at the rest of us in bewilderment. Although last week one of them told me after Zumba that she couldn't follow the moves and that there were so many times during the class that she wanted to quit, but she saw that I was doing it and figured she couldn't stop if I didn't stop. Well yes, that is the rule: please remain moving until the big girl has come to a full and complete stop. Everyone knows that.

This week I saw my surgeon for my nine month follow-up. Yes, it's been 10.5 months, but that's how they roll there. So my official one year appointment will happen when I'm 13.5 months out, and I'm okay with that. My goal is to continue following-up every three months until I get to my goal. My visit with Dr. P was completely awesome, thanks for asking. She told me several times that she's proud of me (awwww!) and that I should feel good about the progress I've made and how driven I am to continue. And, GET THIS, my bloodwork was stellar! My iron is all normal, my B12 is normal too (no more shots! Yay!!!), and everything else was good, too. It made me really feel good about my decision to shell out the money for the special vitamins formulated especially for bariatrics, rather than rely on Flintstones and Tums. Because Tums are BLECH and I also didn't feel too good about relying on a vitamin designed for a 40 lb child. My Vitamin D is still a little low, but this time it's in the normal range, just on the lower end of it, and I can supplement that easily enough. And my blood pressure was 104/68. Yeah, you're jealous. I know.

In other news, it has been brought to my attention that my GoWear Fit armband could possibly be a Decepticon. Stay tuned for further developments.

better day

I'm feeling better, thanks. I'm always a little curious when I blog something that gets no comments whatsoever. It makes me wonder if it's really that boring, or if I managed to squick everyone completely out, or something. It's entirely possible that yesterday was both boring and squick-ish. Oh well. My blog, my rules.

Although I do feel better today, I feel somewhat like crap because I got about 3 hours of sleep after the dreaded dumping syndrome. So this is going to be the shortest blog ever, and I'm going to put my sugar-alcohol-avoiding ass to bed. Good night!

tonight's blog...

Tonight's blog has been secretly replaced by Folger's Crystals. Let's see if you notice...

Yeah, you probably noticed. Very well, then.

Tonight's blog is pre-empted because a Certain Young Lady who normally writes This Very Blog decided to have two (2) sugar-free Oreos. I had enjoyed these in the past with no ill effects. Tonight, this was not the case. Apparently the sugar-free Oreos are sweetened with the dreaded sugar alcohols. I had never had a problem with them before so I figured I was immune to the ill effects of the dreaded sugar alcohols. Oh contraire!

When those of us who've had the RNY variety of slicing-and-dicing of the innards ingest too much sugar, we can get something called Dumping Syndrome. NB: this does not mean what usually comes to mind when the word "dumping" is involved. Don't worry, I'm not giving you the TMI. I had heard that sugar alcohols could also do this, but honestly thought I was immune. The "dumping" that happened was because a huge amount of sugar is "dumped" right into the intestines and thus the bloodstream and the body goes a little crazy trying to rectify that. It gave me the cold sweats, a pounding heartbeat, I turned an attractive shade of greenish-white, felt exhausted, and was overcome by a feeling of Nothing Will Ever Be Good. It all passed in under an hour but people, it was So. Not. Worth. It. I mean, seriously? I did this to myself because of a sugar-free Oreo? What kind of a cookie ho am I???

And now, after all that, I must sleep. Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully one I can survive while avoiding any and all sugar alcohols.

tell me why, i don't like mondays!

All things considered, it could have been worse. But still, Monday after a three-day weekend is most harsh.

There were a few things that made me quite happy today though. How about I list them?!!

- All the nice comments I got about my Progress Photos on the Facebook. Much love to those of you who were so sweet.

- My GoWear armband is here! It's charging now as I type this. So tomorrow the activity tracking will begin. I'm thinking that just knowing that I'm wearing it will make me more active. I don't want the armband to think I'm a slacker, after all.

- I am thinking more seriously about getting another kitteh. But, with God as my witness, I will stick with just two (2). Now I need to find a suitable beast.

- I had a very nice dinner with the fam tonight. After dinner, LesleyMom and I hung out at Starbucks for a while. A good evening, overall.

- I got the results of my lastest bloodwork. Okay, that only counts as a partial happy. My Vitamin D is still low. Do I need to give up the sunscreen or what? Fortunately, I have some follow-up doctor appointments this week, so I can get the answer to that question, and so much more.

That's enough happy for now. Feel free to tell me what is making you happy right now.

weekend over? no thank you!

When my oldest nephew was very little, he thought the way to turn down anything he didn't want was with a polite "No, thank you." For example, my sister would tell him it was time for bed and he'd say "No night-night! No, thank you!" I have been saying that refrain to myself tonight. "No back to work! No, thank you!" Like my nephew probably thought back then, it can't hurt to try.

My weekend overall was good, thanks for asking. I do wish that instead of Friday, that they had made tomorrow the National Holiday. Last week was INSANE at work. Between the shorter work week and the end of the second quarter, I felt like I had a big ol' insane week compressed into four days. And that fourth day didn't really count so much because no one was doing any work anyway. We had a pizza lunch at my office, followed by an early dismissal, so rather than try to get people to do things for me that they weren't going to do anyway, I made a huge task list for tomorrow, called it a day, and left about 10 minutes after the scheduled early dismissal. But if you are on my task list for tomorrow? Well, be afraid. Be very afraid.

I am still in hot pursuit of some new shirts to wear to the gym. The cotton tees I had been wearing just aren't cutting it anymore, and it drives me crazy how the cotton gets all weighted down by the sweating. After I go to Zumba or Step, you could basically wring my shirt out, and that sucker gets heavy. I wanted an Under Armour shirt, but hey, guess what? They don't carry the plus sizes (Oh yes, I'm still a plus size. For now.) in the sporting good stores. Does this make any sense??? When you're a big girl, everyone will tell you that you need to work out, but will they sell you some appropriate workout gear? Oh hells no! My sister J recommended buying one in the men's department, and guess what? They go up to XXL! Someone is getting a strongly-worded letter. I can guarantee you that. Also, maybe I should design my own line of appropriate yet cute workout gear.

I saw some fireworks this weekend, natch, but my favorite show by far was the one with the Boston Pops, Craig Ferguson, and OMG, Neil Diamond. It would be worth putting up with a big crowd of Bostonians to see that! Just kidding, Bostonians! (Non-Bostonians: I am so not kidding.) The Macy's fireworks over the Hudson were okay, but I thought the music sucked. Maybe if they get Neil Diamond for next year, I'd reconsider. Although fireworks? I'm just not that into them. After the first few, I get all "yeah, okay, can I leave now?"

I am unabashedly geekily excited for something tomorrow. Namely, my new GoWear Fit armband will be arriving! And yes, this is like the armband they have on Biggest Loser. I am so excited! My friend HD has one, and well, I want a cool toy too! Plus, honestly, I do feel that in order for me to have long-term success at this whole weight-loss thing that exercise has to become my second religion. Maybe I'll even make that change on Facebook: Religious views: Episcopalian gym rat. I saw my endocrinologist last week and she and I were chatting about some new studies that have come out about the long-term success rates of gastric bypass patients after 5 or more years. It basically scared the living shit out of me, because the long-term stats are abysmal. People regain their weight, and then sign on for revision procedures or conversion to a different surgery with increased malabsorption, etc, which may or may not be covered by insurance, and it just perpetuates the vicious cycle.

Well, not for this girl. Not today. Not ANY day.

I told Dr. V about my gym-rat-ness and how ultimately, my goal is to start participating in events, including a triathlon next year. She agreed that this will be the best for my long-term success. And she smiled and said "When you do that, I want to read an article about you!" I promised to send her a copy. Incidentally, if you want in on the tri but don't want to do all three events, I think there's room on my team for some relayers. You can decide amongst yourselves how to divide up the work. As for me, I'm down for all three!

Oh and speaking of Facebook, my latest progress photos are up on there. If you'd like the linky, send me an email.

Well, it's late, and despite my repeated refrains of "no, thank you" I do think that Monday morning is making its way here so I'd better get some sleepies. Good night, my lovelies.

i don't feel like blogging

Although I do feel like dancing. Ah, the irony. Except it's not really ironic at all. Discuss.

Instead, I will yet again buck the conventional blog wisdom and tell you what I had for lunch. And dinner!

Lunch today was a chicken thigh simmered in mustard-based BBQ sauce, with some green beans on the side, and a little strawberry jello for dessert. I'm no expert, but I believe the mustard-based sauce comes from Georgia. I'm kinda crushing on it right now. That and the vinegar-based sauce, which I am told is North Carolinian. I'm sure the ketchup-based will come back into favor soon, but for now it does NOT sound good. And that is way more about BBQ than any Irish-Italian girly from New Jersey should know...

Dinner was scallops provencale. I'm a big fan of this dinner. Actually, I'm a big fan of any recipe that can basically cook itself while I take my post-workout shower.

Maybe I'll feel like blogging tomorrow. You never know.

end of quarter crazy

The quarter is OVER! I am relieved beyond words, but the stress of the last week has left my brain kinda fried. Last night I was tired, but I had one of those nights where I just couldn't shut my brain of and go to sleep, and of course I had missed my window where I could take an @mbien and still hope to wake up at a reasonable time. Ugh. Not good.

Today, once I left work, has been pretty great. I went to another step class and kicked ass at it, if I may say so myself. Well, you see, my gym has the best step instructor EVER. I had taken a few of his classes about ten years ago at another gym, and finally worked up the nerve to start attending again. At first, I'll admit, I wasn't able to use the step for the whole class. I kept up, which made me happy, but sometimes I had to stand back and not actually use the step. Tonight, for the first time, guess who got her ass on the step for every single move? ME! Being a gym rat is paying off!

Of course, we were in the studio with mirrors on all four walls, so I am now acutely aware of my need for new workout gear. The stretchy pants have been purchased, now I just need some tops. Apparently, you cannot lose as much as I have and still wear the same gear. Just a PSA for yas there, in case you were wondering.

In about one hour from now, I will officially have achieved my goal of NOT turning on the air conditioning until July 1. Now I'm trying to see how much longer I can last. Fourth of July? Bastille Day? I may leave it off all summer! You see, most months my electric bill is a respectable $28. Add some AC to that and it can be close to $100, which will mean that much less money for me to spend on cute new clothes or a fabulous vacation, right? I am definitely not feeling the heat like I used to. I went out at lunchtime and was shocked that it was actually 87. I guess that losing the equivalent of my 15 year old nephew (plus a little more) has reset my inner thermostat. I'm sure it'll re-adjust but for now I'm enjoying the coolness. Also, I am seeing the endocrinologist tomorrow, and if she decides she needs to up my dose of thyroid meds, it could mean bye-bye to the coolness. We shall see.

I have decided that I need to make myself more girly. All the skirts/dresses I've been wearing (and I wear them because they are cheaper to buy than pants) are a start, but what else? This is uncharted territory for me.

Time for some sleep in my freezing, yet un-air-conditioned, home. Good night!

oh monday, monday...

Not only was it Monday, but tomorrow is the end of the quarter and I had a few deliverables to either deliver on or explain why they won't be delivered on, so my day was spent writing way too many reports and adjusting way too many gantt charts. Oh the joys of project management! Especially since I was thrown into this job late in the quarter and all, and I am developing a belief that I am seen as the janitor of the PM world. Mostly, I am able to deliver on said deliverables, however I think at some point I want to find the person who coined the use of deliverable as a noun and give them a beatin'. It's nothing personal. It's just business.

I managed to finally get my biennal car inspection today at the DMV. Of course, since it was almost the end of the month, the line was irritatingly long, but I was in and out in an hour, which is not too bad. Not like the old days when every car had to be inspected every year and the lines were truly obscene. Rizzo the Beetle of course passed with flying colors, but inspections are kind of a joke when you drive a diesel. They checked my tires, brakes, lights, and horn, but I got to skip the emissions test, which is the big holdup for all the gassers. The highlight of this whole experience was the very friendly DMV worker who checked my license and said "Ooh, you don't look like your picture anymore, mama!" Yeah, luckily I can replace that license in April.

Dinner tonight was what has become the house special here at Chez Lesleygirl: boneless, skinless chicken thigh, this time simmered in some mustard-based BBQ sauce because I was not in the mood for the usual ketchup-based variety. And it was very good. I think my ketchup aversion is due to my sweets aversion, which seems to have reappeared. I am so not complaining about that though. Bring it on!

please don't go, weekend!

Overall, it was a pretty good weekend, I have to say. Nothing spectacular, but I got some much-needed rest and some time spent home alone hanging with an orange kitteh can be very good for the soul.

Here are some highlights:

1. Coffee on Friday. It went well. I still got it.

2. Did some good, hard workouts and suddenly I am acutely aware of my leg muscles. Why hello there, Calves, I'm Lesley. Get used to this. Same goes for you, Quadriceps.

3. Got to sing two different hymns this morning containing the word "vouchsafe." Ye Olde Englishe makes me happy in such a nerdy way. I also enjoy the use of "very" as an adjective rather than an adverb, as in "very God of very God" in the creed. See, I told you I'm a nerd. Also, I woke up at 9:35 this morning. Church began at 9:45, and I made it there about 3 minutes into the Mass. Not too shabby.

4. I went to Petco today, unsupervised. Big mistake. If I could have, I would have left there with a very sweet little black kitteh but they were all "Oh we need references and we have to call your rental company and we need $100." $100 for a cat? And references? She was a sweetie though, around the same age as Clementine, and she reminded me so much of Midnight, the cat I had growing up. Not that I'm becoming a Crazy Cat Lady or anything, but it seems to me it would be nice for Clementine to have a playmate. But for now, she'll stay solo. Any of you cat people have opinions? Is it better to have one or two? Would it be better to have two females, or one female + one male?

5. I had dinner with the fam tonight. We went out to an Italian restaurant that I used to love, and let me tell you that Italian restaurants are still really hard for me. I can handle going out for pizza or tomato pie, because I have a pretty strict limit for myself there -- very very thin crust, two slices, and usually I can't manage most of the crust on the second slice anyway. But when it's actual entrees it's a lot harder for me. The pasta dishes are all out, obviously. Some of the chicken and veal looked good but when you order an entree you get salad and a rather large side of pasta, and well, I didn't want to go there. So I settled for some pasta e fagoli (that's bean & pasta soup, for you non-Italians) and caprese salad (Buffalo mozzarella, tomato, and basil, drizzled with balsamic and olive oil). I finished the soup and brought home half the salad. I am not complaining, though. My good health is much more important to me than any meal at any restaurant, and besides, I'm pretty sure I've consumed enough pasta and garlic bread for one lifetime. But still, it's hard sometimes. I think I'd rather just eat at home where there's nothing but good WLS-friendly choices. Well, there's cat food, too, but I'm not eating that. Although it would probably be a good, protein-rich choice. Still. No thanks.

6. I sorted more clothes this weekend, which led to more lamenting of the "I have nothing to wear!" nature. Ugh. And I'm hesitant to do any more shopping right now until my plans for a certain other thing are confirmed. And yes, that is exactly as specific as I can be about it. For now.

7. I had a fabulous moment when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror during a Body Pump class. I was lying on a mat, balanced on top of the step, doing this purgatorial abdominal exercise (which I am still amazed I can actually do), when I glanced over at the mirror and thought "Holy shit, I look sort of like an athlete right now!" Also, I was relieved that my face didn't quite match the red of my red t-shirt.

8. I spent a LOT of time watching the Michael Jackson tribute on the VH1 Classic channel. Actually, I didn't know about it until LesleyMom called and told me. I answered the phone and before I'd even said the second syllable of "hello" she broke in with "Put on 218. Billie Jean is on!" We talked about how fun that video is, and then I said that when I was 10, I really had no idea what that song was about, I just knew it was fun to dance to and thought the video was cool. LesleyMom said "well I hope you didn't know what it was about!" This from the woman who bought me that album at that tender age? Crazy. Just crazy.

That's enough weekend. I need to rest up and get ready for the four! day! work! week!!! Good night, my schmoopies!

for no mere mortal can resist the evil of the...

THRILLER!

Oh people, Michael Jackson? How very sad. I feel like part of my childhood has died. I am listening to Thriller right now, and let me tell you, it's as good today as it was in 1982. Also, I may have just done the Thriller dance in my living room, but I can neither confirm nor deny such rumors.

As I was driving home, every, and I mean EVERY radio station was playing Michael Jackson music. It brought me back to the summer of 1983, which as we've already discussed, was the BEST year for pop music EVER. The Easter Bunny had brought Thriller cassettes for both of my sisters and me that spring. My mom was afraid that if we didn't each get our own, we'd fight over it. I can't think of that summer without thinking of Thriller. I was 9 years old, but I do remember that. It was on every radio station, playing in every store you went into, and coming out of every car window. I can remember being at the beach and hearing it coming out of every boombox on the beach, and all the kids doing impromptu Thriller dances and moonwalking. No matter how creepy or strange he may have become in later years, MJ was a phenomenon then, in a way that I don't think we've seen since.

It feels like this is the day the pop music died.

It was hard to find an embeddable video on youtube, but I chose this one, from the 25th anniversary of Motown. I actually remember watching this when it was on, and dancing with LesleyMom and my sisters in the living room (LesleyDad was away on business a lot). I remember thinking he looked funny with the hat, and then when he threw it into the audience, I thought that was smooth and that whoever caught it was the luckiest person ever.



Requiescat in pace, Michael.

i'm gonna write you a letter, i'm gonna write you a book...

I had a truly annoying day today. But please note very VERY well that I am NOT complaining about my job here. No way, no how, not today, not any day. I love my job and I love having a paycheck and benefits so much that every day I just want to race into the office and hump my chair. So don't get the wrong idea.

But yeah, a few things irritated me. More than a few. Me no likey.

I'm sure you've been on the edge of your seats about this, but the Carb Monster has definitely subsided today. I am hoping this trend continues. I planned very very carefully, and had a different shake for breakfast that has a higher carb count than my normal breakfast. I also brought some sugar-free Jello to work to snack on. Actual Jello, make from the actual powder in a box. I can't remember the last time I actually made Jello. Crazy!

In other news, I got my first celebrity twitter today, but I will have to tell you all the details there another time. Right now I'm tired and I have an orange cat next to me poking me with a laser pointer, so I suppose it's now laser fun time! Good night.

carby, not crabby

The Carb Monster is giving me terrible cravings again. I almost cried right in the middle of ShopRite, just seeing all the baked goods in there. And I told LesleyMom that I would pretty much kill someone for a bagel today. She asked if I can have one, and I said I'd rather not go there just yet. One day we had bagels at work a few months ago, so I cut a half bagel into a half (so that's a quarter!) and ate half of that (an eighth!) and it filled up my pouch something fierce, to the point that I got a mad case of the foamies** and wanted to kill myself. I think I need to wait until Seymour the Pouch is a little older. Oh that and I don't want to give into the Carb Monster. Ugh. I wish I knew an easy way to get it to quiet down.

** DO NOT READ this paragraph if you are easily squicked. Don't say I didn't warn you. The foamies are a side-effect of filling one's pouch with something too dense. The goblet cells in the pouch start mass-producing mucus to try to lubricate things. In people with normal intestines, you wouldn't even notice this. But for those of us who've been sliced and diced, there's no room for it to go but up and I'm left with a mouth full of way-too-thick saliva that just won't stop. Yeah, it's gross, but I figured I should explain.

So, once again, I need to kick the Carb Monster. I haven't given into it (yay, nerves of steel!) but OMG, it's hard.

In other, much happier news, people, can you believe that Thursday will be my ten-month surgiversary? I feel like now I'm coasting into the home stretch for the one year milestone! Woo hoo!!!

i will run for shelter, endless summer lift the curse...

I have to tell you something, people. I am truly blown away by the amount of love that has been sent my way because of this blog the past few days. You know who you are. And you rock.

Several people have asked me if I'm really serious about the triathlon. Why yes, yes I am. I realize that in order for me to be successful with my weight loss long-term**, I will need to keep exercising like a fiend. And I think the best way to ensure that will happen will be to constantly have a new set of goals to work toward. Triathlon, roller derby, I want to do it all! And why shouldn't I? I am also excited to report that already two of you have said you'd like to join me for the tri. Yay!!! If there's a few of us, maybe some of you could do a relay -- meaning you would do one or two of the sports, but not all three. We can come up with a fun team name and get shirts! OMG FUN!!!

** See, it is a very high priority for me to be successful long-term. I endured enough of the "I know someone who had that surgery, and they gained it all back (and you will too)" stories that I am not letting that happen to me. Good health, I wants it!

I have other things to say but the ADD is having its way with me and I can't organize my thoughts. Instead I'll tell you what I had for lunch, because you know I love to buck the conventional blog wisdom that no one cares what you had for lunch. Lunch was leftover chicken and vegetables from the Chinese restaurant I went to on Saturday. No rice, natch. Dinner was a chicken thigh. Because chicken thighs KICK ASS. I had it simmered in diced tomatoes with Italian herbs. I may need to come up with a few more varieites of chicken thighs, but right now this is my fave.

the resolution of all the fruitless searches...

It is late, and I'm tired but yet I don't want to go to sleep just yet because I am actually hoping that if I stay up late enough, I will totally prevent Monday from coming! Stay away, Monday! The weekend and I are happy together!!!

Yesterday I went to see a roller derby bout. That's a self-portrait photo of me, on the beach in Asbury Park, New Jersey. It had just stopped storming when I took this photo, so the water was still pretty rough and the sand was too wet to walk on. I am standing right next to the Paramount theatre where the Jersey Shore Roller Girls were having their bout. I was cheering for the Right Coast Rollers who defeated the Anchor Assassins. Good job, ladies! There was a bagpipe band right near me on the boardwalk when I took this photo. They were there to see the bout, too. True story. Yeah, only in New Jersey.

Today I went to the Father's Day / niece's birthday gathering with the family. My niece had requested mud pie for her birthday, and I used to love me some mud pie. I am proud to report that I made my own, with the help of a sugar-free Oreo and a sugar-free double chocolate pudding cup. And I was satisfied, both with my dessert, and with my having the willpower to refrain from the actual mud pie. In the future I may attempt to make one using sugar-free coffee ice cream and fudge. We shall see.

Before the family gathering, I hit the mall to get some gifts for my dad and my niece. My dad's gift was easy -- Borders gift card for the win! My niece's gift involved going to Hollister. I feel sofa king old anytime I go in that store. I mean, their music? Does it have to be THAT loud? So loud that I have to screech at the clerk "I WANT A GIFT CARD!" (my choice in gift card was either the half-nakey man or the couple making out. I chose the half-nakey man. She's 13 now. She'll appreciate it.) and then later screech "CREDIT! NOT DEBIT!" Ugh. LesleyMom called me while I was in there. I picked up the phone, and since I couldn't hear her, I just yelled "I'm in Hollister, Ma! I'll call you when I get out!" She understood. LesleyMom is also familiar with the ways of the Hollister.

I hate places that make me feel old. I may need to destroy Hollister, just so I can somehow feel younger again.

On my way out of the mall, I took a quick look around Torrid. I had never been in there before but I've heard that they sell hip and cute clothes for the big girls. Meh. I wasn't too impressed. I had no idea that tube tops are back in style but apparetly they are. And I had no idea anyone was selling them to the big girls, but apparently Torrid is! And people, I will pass on that action, thank you very much. For one thing, I'm guessing that tube top + DD cup = Accident Waiting To Happen. And for another, I do not currently have the right to bare arms. But hey, at least I am aware that I do not have that right, and dress accordingly. It's a public service, really. More people should follow my lead.

As you may recall, last summer I went on a fabulous vacation to an all-inclusive in Mexico with the family. We're talking about going again, either back to Mexico or to the Dominican Republic, to another all-inclusive. Today my 11-year-old nephew B asked me "What if we get to Mexico or the Dominican, and they don't have any food you can eat?" Awww... what a sweet boy he is, to be concerned for me like that! I explained that as long as they have grilled meat and fish, vegetables and fruit, I'll be fine, and that I'll bring along some of my protein powder so I can make sure I'm getting enough protein. That made my heart melt, though. I really do feel fortunate to have such a supportive family, including all the youngest members of the family!

do you want to know a secret?

I have been thinking about this for a while, so I'm just going to put it out here. Do. Not. Laugh.

See, ever since I first heard about the Iron Man triathlon many years ago, I've thought, "that would be really cool" and "I wish I could do something like that." And over the years, as my weight crept up and up, and my health suffered, my doing a triathlon seemed about as likely as my walking on the moon.

But in recent months, as I became more and more of a gym rat, I would notice the triathlon training schedules up at my gym and think "well, maybe." But it was only a half-maybe. A maybe only a shade more likely than my walking on the moon.

Until now.

Now I am reading a book called "Shape Up With The Slow, Fat Triathlete and as I'm reading it all I can think is "Well, why not?!!" The author, Jayne Williams, has inspired the hell out of me. She calls herself the "slow, fat triathlete" and her book just blew me away. She tells countless stories of people who were as far from being an athlete as I was, who went on to participate in triathlons and other events. The key word there is participate rather than compete. I don't know if I could ever train to win an event of any sort, but participate? That I could maybe do. I could maybe train, and then maybe show up, and maybe then do my Lesley bestest to see it through. (Incidentally, I cannot recommend this book enough! If you need some workout motivation and inspiration, pick it up.)

So what have I decided? I've decided that I'm in. 2010 will be The Year of The Triathlon. Hey, I told you DO NOT LAUGH! It's a women's triathlon, but it's a triathlon nonetheless. And I am doing it. Why? Because now I CAN CAN CAN!!!

I thank you in advance for not laughing at this idea. And I also thank you in advance for your support, especially those of you who'll be there to cheer me on, bring me my protein or water, and tell me to get my ass in gear. Also, if any of you want in (and you know you do), let me know.

Now I've put this out there. I feel better. Thanks for listening.

i'm only happy when it rains...

Yes, it has been raining for, oh I don't know, two weeks or something now. I really don't mind it, actually. You see, I consider myself to be serotonin-deficient on a good day, so all this overcast weather seems to be bringing everyone else down to my serotonin-deficient level! Hey, welcome everyone! Also, I am Vitamin D deficient**, so hey, once again, you're welcome!

** I was Vitamin D deficient during my last round of bloodwork. I'll get my next round done on Monday, so please send me some Vitamin D-rich and iron-rich vibes!

The one thing I do mind is all the stupid Noah's Ark jokes everyone seems to be making. The next person who tells me one is going to receive one (1) punch in the face. You see, I sit near the windows at work, and several people felt the need to remark as they walked by "Watching the animals line up two by two?" or something to that effect. People, please. For one thing, I hate smalltalk. With the fire of a thousand suns. And B, I hate unoriginal humor, and I can't think of anything less original.

Oh wait, I just thought of something less original. And it is this: when the sun finally does come out, the same jackasses who made the Noah's Ark jokes (and I use that term lightly) will be saying things like "Did you see that strange glowing orange thing in the sky? What is that?"

Hmmm... this might make me sound crabbypants. Believe me, I am so not.

In other news, I made the best dinner ever tonight. Chicken thighs simmered in diced tomatoes with garlic, basil, and oregano, and a generous sprinkle of romano cheese on top. Sort of a lazy woman's chicken cacciatore. For a side dish, I used a vegetable peeler to make zucchini fettuccine. It's pretty much how it sounds -- zucchini sliced thin to resemble fettuccine. Shockingly good though. I'll have to make it again soon because I bought three pounds of the chicken thighs. They were on sale! Next time I make this I'll post the recipe along with some nifty photos. Yay, recipe fun!

less than crabby

I am definitely less crabby today than I've been the past few days. Not that I'm sure you even noticed I was crabby or would ever think such a thing of me. But still, I am feeling better. Earlier today I had an appointment to start the process for a procedure I need to get done. I won't elaborate for now (you can email me for the details if you're curious) but I am very very excited about this.

Tonight as I was driving home, I heard "Poker Face" on the radio. Of course, I sang along loudly and that's when I realized that I am feeling better. When I'm sad, I never sing along with the radio. And that song? I am starting to think that it's not really about playing cards. But I could be wrong.

I am now done with Day Two of the carb detox. It has gone well, but I did find myself craving salt like a fiend. I think that's because the protein shakes are all sweet, and I miss the savory. Plus I have a big major case of Ketosis Mouth yet again, and salty food always helps that situation. I'm determined to get through one more day of liquids. I didn't give in to the carb monster at all today, so I think this detox effort has paid off already.

I would like to go on the record and say that I'm tired of hearing people refer to gastric bypass as "that crazy surgery." You see, I don't tell everyone about this, and so often I'll hear things like "You're doing this the right way with diet and exercise, and not that crazy surgery." Although I guess I really can't get offended. I didn't have that crazy surgery, you see. I had that really smart and completely sane surgery. Big, BIG difference!

I'm thinking of adding a weekly feature about my pet peeves, since I really do have some strange ones. But maybe not. Sometimes meaningless blog features are a pet peeve of mine. However, Pet Peeve of the Week this week is: people who drive around without a working third brake light, or "Liddy Light" as they're sometimes called. How can a person drive around like this? Do they want to be rear-ended? Elizabeth Dole worked very very hard to make that third brake light standard on all cars, the LEAST you can do is make sure yours is working!

That's all. Good night.

so what, i'm still a ROCK STAR!

Well, I am a rock star. In my head, at least. You know, where the party never ends.

Sometimes I wonder why I write this blog. I'm not feeling the blogging mojo today. I have things to say but some of them I can't say here, and others I don't really want to talk about just yet.

How about a list? GOOD!

1. I have my car back. I felt a sense of relief as soon as I got back into it. I had fun driving LesleyDad's snazzy Maxima for the day, but I'm a Beetle girl at heart.

2. Day One of the de-carbing process went well. I had four protein shakes throughout the day, and some protein ice cream for dessert. While at work I had two cups of popcorn, but I calculated it and it was less than 10 grams of carbs. I can live with that. I didn't really have any cravings, which was good. It was mostly head-hunger -- that feeling of "I'm not hungry, I just want to eat." Yeah, some days are easy. This was apparently one of them.

3. My Wii Fit age is now down to 29! Good balance skills, I haz 'em! It's not quite as young as the age I believe I could pass myself off as, but still, I'll take it.

4. I had to go earlier to buy more food for Clementine the Wonder Kitty. I had some existential angst while at the pet store. See, I've been feeding her kitten food, since she's a kitten and all, but in exactly one month she'll be a year old and no longer a kitten. So I wasn't sure if I should buy the kitten food or the cat food. I asked one of the worker people about this and her answer was "Umm? I'm more of a dog person?" So I bought the kitten food. Clementine seems to like it and she's not putting on weight, so she can have one last bag of it before I transition her over to the full-grown beast food.

5. Earlier today someone tweeted a comment I made and called it the best quote he'd heard all day. That, right there, pretty much made my day.

Okay, that's five. That's enough for now. You see, now that I'm a Project Manager my whole day has become meetings, meetings, and oh yeah, more meetings. And apparently some people don't know me AT ALL and have scheduled me for a 9:00 AM meeting tomorrow. That means I need to get some good sleepies, and wake up early and brew some high-test coffee.

amazing! journey!

Yeah, you see, "amazing" and "journey" are two of the overused words from The Bachelorette. Not that I would watch such a thing or be able to tell you that it was on earlier tonight or anything. Not me. Moving on...

Today was eventful, to say the least. Busy busy day and now that I'm back home, even though I'm quite tired I feel like I need to stay up a little while longer to unwind before I can go to sleep.

I had some good news / bad news with the Beetle. The alternator turned out to be nothing, so yay! No new alternator needed! The bad news is that I had a slow leak in one of my tires, and the leak was in the sidewall so the tire has to be replaced. Fortunately, it was still under warranty, so I only have to pay for part of the replacement cost. I also need new rear brakes and calipers, as I had suspected. This will cost a pretty penny, yes, but fortunately I have a line of credit with the repair shop people which will give me up to 12 months to pay it off without interest. So really, it could be a whole lot worse. No complaining here. Besides, this Beetle has been such a peach that I can't complain about having to spend $650 on it right now.

Now, I can't tell you all this about the car without telling you that LesleyMom has had a theory** FOR YEARS that cars always act up and cost you money right around their birthday. On Sunday, it'll be six years since the day I drove Rizzo the Beetle off the dealer's lot. Coincidence? You decide.

** Yes, it's true. My hobby of cooking up theories is apparently genetic.

I've been struggling the past few days with terrible carb cravings, and I've given in to a few of them. Not enough to throw myself off track or anything, mind you, but still, when I added up my nutritional stats for the day there were more carb grams there than I'd normally like to see. I wasn't craving sweets (which believe me, is good, good news) but I have had terrible cravings for things like pretzels, bread, crackers, popcorn, chips, and even dairy carbs like milk and yogurt. The dairy carbs are okay in moderation, of course, but too much is bad. Some days, this is really, really hard. Some days I just want my old innards back, the ones that let me drown my sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry's or a bag of Sun Chips or a big bag of M&Ms. Or some of all three.

I suppose the recent upsetting situation I've been in has been bringing out these feelings. That and the PMS. Oh, was that TMI? Well, I'm not sorry. Sometimes it really is hard to be a woman. And sometimes, well, I miss that narcotizing feeling of satisfaction that came along with eating some junk food, no matter how short-lived that feeling was. I am not saying that I regret my surgery, and I certainly do not miss my old life. But there is certainly a period of adjustment, and it hits me at different times that my old ways of dealing with stress are not possible anymore. This probably also goes along with the odd sense of grief I was talking about last week. I'm not sure. But I can tell you, it's hard some days. And today is one of them.

first new york broadcast!

The subject comes from an old family joke. You see, whenever LesleyDad would watch a movie on TV that he had seen many many times (usually a John Wayne movie, or something similar) he would explain to LesleyMom that it was the "First New York broadcast!" and thus he had to watch it. Right now "Sleepless in Seattle" is on the Oxygen channel, and of course, I am watching it. And if anyone were to ask me about it, I would explain that it was the first New York broadcast. Of course, there's no one here to ask about it except for Clementine, and she doesn't have much to say about what's on TV unless it involves felines. One of the advantages of living alone is sole ownership of the remote, after all.

This is random. I had pretty much given up weekend blogging, but hey, I figured why not.

I heard "Livin On a Prayer" twice today. After all these years, it still bothers me that Jon Bon Jovi tried to rhyme the words "hock" and "talk" in that song. When you are from New Jersey, those words do not rhyme. Actually, they shouldn't rhyme no matter where you're from, but some of you talk pretty funny. The other song of his that bothers me is "Have a Nice Day." Because of that song, the rest of the world now knows what we really mean when we say "Have a nice day!" Now we need new code to insult people!

I went out to run an errand earlier tonight and I was dismayed to see the battery light flashing in my car. I checked the handy dandy manual and it said that it's probably the alternator. So now I just need to figure out the logistics of getting it repaired on Monday. I'm thinking this shouldn't be too bad, though, and I really can't complain about anything when it comes to this car. It's going to be six years old next week, and all it's ever needed are oil changes, new tires, and a new battery. Oh and diesel. Lots and lots of diesel.

And now, you must excuse me so I can get back to the first New York broadcast of "Sleepless in Seattle." Good night.

working for the weekend...

I have some words of wisdom tonight, and they are this: Once a eunuch, always a eunuch. Remember I said that. And do me a solid and remind me in case I forget.

I thought I would be more upset by the present situation than I am. I mean, it hurts, but it's not nearly as upsetting as I thought it would be. Maybe there's a finite amount of tears you can cry for someone, and I've already been there, done that. And that's all I have to say about it, in this venue at least.

I feel like I've mostly kicked the bronchitis to the curb, and today I was able to do a semi-normal workout. Afterward I treated myself to some takeout for dinner. I had no desire to cook and a craving for lamb. Lamb? Yeah, I'm not sure what that's about either.

Good night.

average everyday sane psycho... super goddess!

I am tired. I mean, did I tell you about the bronchitis? I have it, you know. All that coughing can really wear a girl out. Especially all the coughing at night, because it wakes me up and usually when I wake up I have an orange kitty right in my face as if she's saying "You ok, human? You has a fur ball?" But I am feeling less annoyed than I was last night (yay!) so I'm actually going to write something, but I'm writing it in advance and posting it later when I'm fast asleep. Hee hee!!!

So now, since I'm sure you're dying to know, here's a...

List of Things That Would Have Happened To You Today If You Were Me (Which You're Not) (But If You Were):

- I was accosted in the bathroom by a coworker who loves to accost me in the bathroom. Seriously, I think it's in her job description or something. And today, for added fun, she was brushing her teeth. She asks me a lot about my weight loss and compliments me on it, which I do appreciate, but since I'm pretty sure she's never had a fat day in her life, I'm only comfortable revealing so much about it. A few weeks ago she asked me if I'm "able to exercise." I just said yes, that I am working with a trainer, and left it at that. I was wondering though if she thinks that they lock the fatties out of the gym or something. Today she told me that she's going to bring me her old copies of In Style magazine so that I can get fashion ideas and presumably learn to dress myself. Umm... okay? I thought I was doing an okay job in that department, really. I was even wearing a totally cute outfit but then I was left feeling like a Glamour Fashion Don't the rest of the day.

- I was accused of a few things which are quite funny for me to think about now. Let's just say that the life that this person imagines I'm having is way more interesting than the life I actually have. I know, I know, you're thinking "that's not possible!" but in this case, it is. Yes, you see, I was accused of having a Secret Boyfriend, presumably in addition to the Secret Boyfriends I actually admit to having, like Neil Finn, Dexter, David Foster Wallace, etc. Maybe this isn't all bad. Maybe the Secret Boyfriend is actually willing to do things like meet my family and friends, and be my date on national holidays. Stranger things have happened.

- I went to the local Vitamin Shoppe to get some protein bars. I need to find a new Vitamin Shoppe. I can never go into that one without something going all crazypants, and then a five minute trip to pick up some more Peanut Butter Supreme Protein bars turns into 20 minutes of standing in the front of the store while they try to figure out if they sell the totally obscure Acai supplement the crabbyass on line in front of me wants. What the hell is Acai, anyway? Does it actually do anything?

- I realized tonight that Clementine the wonder kitty has some sort of Pavlovian response when she hears me close the laptop -- she comes running and starts jumping around, all "Yay! Laser pointer time!!!" Seriously, no matter how quietly I close the laptop, she hears it and thinks it's now on. On like Donkey Kong, in fact.

- I have no idea why but I have a crazy case of Ketosis Mouth today. If you've ever low-carbed it, you know what I'm talking about. I'm actually happy about it. Usually when I get that it means that I'm about to drop a bunch of weight. So I'm just popping my sugar-free Tic Tacs and living with it.

- I cooked a fab dinner of pork loin with vinegar-based BBQ sauce. That's also known as North Carolina BBQ sauce, and I think this Yankee did a pretty good job with it. Lately I have been getting insane cravings for meat, and the more savory, the better. And ya know, I'm cool with that. I'd much rather crave meat (which I have to eat to get all my protein grams in) than sweets or other carbs. And you know those commercials with the people yelling "GO MEAT!"? I love those!

- In other food-related news, I thought I would treat myself to a small serving of pretzels at work today. Seven pretzel sticks. That was it. Except me being the genius that I am, I somehow managed to get them stuck in my pouch, which then led to a good half hour of misery. Yeah, I think I'll be staying away from the pretzels from now on. A lot of my comrades eat them, sure, but really I don't need them, and clearly, they do NOT agree with me.

Time for a shot of magic cough syrup and bed. Good night, my wee chickens.

adrift without a snowflake...

I really have nothing to say today. So I'll let BNL say it for me.



I may have some things to say, but really, I'm too annoyed to say anything right now. The good news is that I am definitely feeling better. I am thankful for that action right there.

do you have the time to listen to me whine...

Unlike Green Day, I have a legitimate complaint. Bronchitis? I has it. I have some strong antibiotics and magic cough syrup to help me go sleepy-bye so that helps things, but still. Fuckinghell. And it's too busy at work for me to stay home and rest right now. That's okay. I'll save those sick days for when I'm feeling good.

I'm feeling oddly annoyed today, and honestly, the bronchitis is providing a welcome distraction from the annoyance. It's difficult to be annoyed about anything other than the coughing, you see. Cough cough cough cough, all you do to me is cough cough. Oh and if you caught that reference, then I believe you are truly cooler than the other side of the pillow.

I watched "Nurse Jackie" tonight. I will keep watching, since I do like Edie Falco, but I'm not sure I get it yet. Is she just going to be a female Dr. House, what with the super-intuitive diagnosing and the pain med addiction? Or is there more to the story? I hope there is, because the whole hardass-with-a-heart-of-gold thing has been Done To Death. If this show had been on about nine years ago, I would tell you that I would hope that they'd show a chaplain and show them in a positive light, but I'm beyond caring about such things now. No, not bitter. I just don't care.

I'm feeling some sort of odd grief lately, and I don't know what exactly it is. It's a combination of things, but I can't point to just one thing to attribute it to. Part of it, however, is this: you see, before my surgery, I knew, rationally speaking, that the surgery and the resulting weight loss would not make everything in my life all peachy. I knew enough to tell that to the psychologist who evaluated me. And I would have told it to any of you. However, on a deeper level, I think I had hoped that I would be the exception to the rule: the one person for whom the weight loss solved every other problem in their life. And now, after nine months, I am finally conceding. I know I am not the exception to the rule. And to be perfectly honest, I'm a little sad that I'm not. Because wouldn't that have been the bestest? Wouldn't it have been nice to have all of my issues surgically removed? Did I forget to ask for that when I was signing the consent forms, right before they put me under?

Mind you, I am not complaining. My life has improved exponentially since then. My health is better in ways I can't even enumerate and my self-confidence is through the roof. Yes, I am aware that I'm still fat, but I feel like I'm just normal fat, the kind that no one is going to stare at me for, unlike being Circus Fat like I was before. I am thankful for these things and for so much more. I just have a snarky little Inner Brat who's stomping her foot and wondering why I didn't get all this and more. Why I didn't just reach my goal in 6 months. Why I don't suddenly have my dream job, dream house, dream life. Why Prince Charming didn't show up and sweep me off my feet.

I have calmly explained to the Inner Brat that I am not the exception to the rule, and that my issues are still my issues, I just get to deal with them in a smaller body. I'm sure I'll be fine but for now I feel a weird grief for it.

In other news, did I mention the righteous cough syrup they gave me? Well, I'm going to throw back a shot of that action and go to bed now. Good night.

forget about the worries on your mind, you can leave them all behind...

I just went on to YouTube, and among my recommended videos were two songs by DeBarge. 'Memba them? Yeah, so does YouTube. They thought I'd enjoy hearing "Who's Johnny" and that "Rhythm of the Night" song. They thought wrong. Not sure what made these show up in my recommendations, but I wil pass on that action, thank you very much.

I don't like being a complainer but I'm feeling sicky today. For the past few days, actually. I think it's bronchitis. I hate getting that, and I especially hate getting it in the late spring like this. But I am determined to kick this thing's ass so it *will* be short-lived. And yes, I'll go see the doctor tomorrow and get this all figured out.

Since I wasn't feeling so hot, it finally gave me an excuse to stay home and not do too much. I haven't had a day to do that in way too long. On a possibly related note, if any of you have advice about how to avoid saying yes to things I really don't want to do just because I don't want the other person to feel bad, I would appreciate it. I think I need to develop some sense of healthy selfishness. I had a VERY good sense of it right after my surgery, which was understandable because just about all my brainpower went to things like protein grams, getting enough fluids, exercise, and not dying of a blood clot. Now that life feels more normal, I've lost it. I need it back. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm just saying.

On a note that is possibly related in ways I don't care to explore, if you make plans with me, I would be most appreciative if you called to break said plans, rather than flaking out. Avoidant behavior isn't attractive on anyone. Plus, I hate flakes. The Lesley is not amused.

The Tonys are now over so it's time for bed. Next year, maybe I'll even throw a Tonys party, or at least one that's attended by more than just me and an orange kitteh. Good night.

it's only natural

I'm tired and I have to wake up obscenely early to get on an obscenely early train to the Big Town, so yeah, I'm going to be lazy and write a list:

Things You Would Have Done Today If You Were Me, Which You're Not, But If You Were

1. Went on a shopping excursion with LesleyMom which turned into quite a Baby's Day Out. First, we went to go see the model of a townhouse development I am considering purchasing. Yeah, I know. This is big. Let's not dwell on that. Then we went clothes shopping. Just a quick trip to Lord & Taylor, and it took me about 9 seconds to determine that nothing in there was in a price range I'd consider. When you're blowing through sizes the way I am, you're not going to want to spend more than $30 for a skirt, let's just say.

2. After shopping, we ate dinner at Big Fish. I recommend the Vanilla Scallops. OMG SO GOOD. Then Starbucks. All in all, a good night!

3. Got some passive-aggressive static from the Wii Fit for not exercising yesterday. Sheesh! They were all "Too busy to exercise yesterday, Lesley?" Uh, yes. Yes I was. And if you were not a balance board attached to a video game console, you'd understand.

4. Speaking of Wii Fit, I bought the EA Active game tonight too. Any of yas use this? How do you like it?

I can't think of anything else. My thoughts won't slow down long enough for me to type them. So I bid you good night.