Monday, February 27, 2006

i hate pants

It's true. I really don't like pants.

The saddest part of my day, every day, is the time in the morning when I get dressed and it's time to put on my pants. Seriously. That is the saddest part of my day. And considering what kinds of things I encounter on a daily basis, that is really saying something.

It's not that I hate the pants because of some quality they possess. I don't. I have some very comfortable yet dressy pants I wear to work, and some days, I even wear jeans. Unless I'm wearing a skirt, of course. But nevertheless, I hate them because I hate when it's time to put them on.

I can deal with putting on the unmentionables, and the shirt isn't so bad either, but once those pants go on, I know that the day has begun and there's no going back. Without pants, I could totally crawl back under the covers and sleep some more, but sleeping in pants? Ewwwww. A person doesn't go back to bed while wearing pants. It just isn't done.

And skirts are even worse, especially in the winter, as they involve a mandatory two-step process of first the stockings (or whatever you call them where you're from -- nylons, pantyhose, you get the idea), and then the skirt. The stockings part is particularly evil because many days it's impossible to find a pair that are run-free and actually fit. In the summer, I don't mind the skirts so much because I can skip the whole stockings step. But still, I hate them too.

I typed "I hate pants" into the Google image search and found the graphic here. That's what us Philosophy majors calls a disjunctive syllogism or modus tollendo ponens if you want to be all fancypants about it. It shows that there is no overlap between the times when I am truly happy and the times when I am wearing pants. If there were any times when I feel happy while wearing pants, these two circles would be interlocked and would share some area. But as it is they appear to not be on speaking terms. Yeah, baby, this is two semesters of Logic comin' at ya! TWO!

I don't suppose there's any solution to my I Hate Pants problem. I'm not likely to join a pantsless society anytime soon. I haven't always felt this way, either, so really I'm hoping it's a mere temporary situation, possibly related to a case of the winter blahs or the crabby appletons or the relationship flu. You never know.

And a side-note, anyone who was expecting an email from me today, well... I didn't get much quality time with the laptop. I was a lazy creature most of the day, and then I went to the farewell party for my favorite Russian co-worker, and then I had to watch the new Apprentice so I could get my recommended daily dose of Schadenfreude. Tomorrow, my lovelies, tomorrow. It's only a day away.

And besides, my pants are now off and I'm going to sleep.


MoSup said...

Wow, Lesley. Did you ever meet my friend Tuba back in the day? He hates pants, too!! He always has problems with them or they come off or he takes them off. In fact, I have a piece of his pants in my purse right now!

Stewie said...

Pants just get in the way!

Lesley said...

MoSup - Yes, I remember Tuba! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has issues with pants!

Stewie - They get in the way of what? I don't get it. :huh:


Stewie said...

I was going to answer that, then my dumbass realized it was rhetorical.

Lesley said...

And this is why you are teh funny!