Friday, May 05, 2006

wild! oily!

What is both wild and oily, you ask? Hold that thought. I'll explain in a minute. Yes, you have to wait. Just be patient. I have to tell a story about my boobs first.

Now that I have your attention...

I don't ordinarily blog about my boobs, known to those familiar with them as the Pointer Sisters, but a couple weeks ago Freak Magnet had a boob blog and it made me realize that there needs to be more blogs about boobs in the world. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. Although now that I'm typing this, G-d only knows what kind of sick and pervy MSN searches people are going to be doing and finding this blog. Scary!

So here's my story. Being blessed with a generous pair, I most often opt for the underwire when buying new bras. Those underwires do a good job of uh supporting the masses, plus they make them look pretty nice too. Trust me on this one. So today I was at my desk, and I realized that I felt like I was getting poked in the skin with a wee yet strong wire every time I moved my left arm. And it was starting to really really hurt!

I went into the ladies' room to investigate. Sure enough, the damn underwire on the left side had somehow broken out of the bra and was now poking me. And I had a little icky cut as a result! Bad! I spent about five minutes trying to push the wire back into the bra, but I had no luck with that, so finally I decided it was time for a procedure: an Underwirectomy. I pulled that sucker out, but then I realized one small (well, not small) problem -- I still had a wire on the other side. And I couldn't remove it.

Since I had my cell phone with me, I decided to call the one person who has the answer to all of life's persistant questions (or at least to those questions which I cannot answer): LesleyMom. I needed to get her take on the situation. Her advice was to put the bra back on and see how it looked. I did. Told her I thought I looked okay in the mirror, or at least I thought I did. She asked:
"Well, is one normal and the other one at your waist?"
"No, Mom, they look even."
"Then you're okay. Fuhgedaboudit!"
"You're right. Thanks, Mom!"
"One more thing..."
"What's that?"
"throw the wire out before you go back to your desk!"

Ah, good point, LesleyMom! I took her advice, although I was tempted to go back to my desk with it and tell the guys in my office "hey look what I just pulled out of my bra!" Although I'm not sure what kind of response I would have gotten from them. Hmmmmmm...

After the Underwirectomy, I went out to buy some lunch. (Sushi from Whole Foods - yum!) A new Chinese restaurant opened in the same strip mall as WF, and their name made me laugh so hard that I decided that it needs to go in my blog.

The name? WildOily!

What the hell kind of name is that, anyway? And am I the only one who thinks it sound just a wee bit pervy?

So now I'm waiting for the day when one of they guys in my office says "Do you want to get WildOily for lunch?" Of course I will have no choice but to belt him in the mouth for getting fresh with me. And then I will have to file a complaint with HR.

You never know. It could get me a week off work! And maybe some hush money too!

19 comments:

Real said...

That is right first post.

Me me me me.

jin said...

LMAO!!! Oh, I hate when that happens to underwire! LMAO at what your mom said too!!!
Heeheehee.....

P.S. I would never eat at a place called wild oily....*shudders*

Lesley said...

irs - yes, you're first. I hope that makes you happy...

jin - It really is a strange name, isn't it? The bring the creepy!

Real said...

Yes, I now feel a deep sense of accomplishment and self worth.

Lesley said...

As well you should! :)

Real said...

I feel I deserve a freaking medal.

Lesley said...

You're not asking for another prize are you?

bellerina said...

I think you should send him the one underwire remains of the bra as a damn medal. Autograph it on one cup and write FIRST POST on the other.
Hee!

Freak Magnet said...

It's absolutely amazing just how much that little piece of metal can do, isn't it?

Lesley said...

bellerina - I don't know, he may enjoy that. I have a feeling he's one of those pervy types...

freak - Good point! Teh underwire really is an engineering feat!

Real said...

Just a feeling.

I have evidence that he is one of those pervy types.

velvtcube said...

loving this blog...have been in sooooo many of these situations except I really cannot walk around the office with one underwire in the other out. Did you ever hear that line " do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro" well that would totally be my boobs.

Major kudos for the boobs blog.

And please don't ever eat at that restaurant!

Lesley said...

irs - evidence? I believe I may need to inspect the, uh, evidence...

velvtcube - great! now i'm going to be singing that song all night! LOL!

Real said...

Don't forget the latex gloves.
You know for, umm, handling the evidence.

Lesley said...

I really need to start a list of things to remember. And I think I'll have to use Excel to remember it all!

:)

Real said...

Sounds like you are starting quite a little database there.

You might need to use something more powerful than XL, Like SQL.

Lesley said...

you're right -- SQL would be a better choice.

It'll be my PSD checklist. PSD = pre smack down.

Or is it pre throw down? Hmmmm...

Real said...

It might be both.

Tell us when you find out.

Lesley said...

You'll be the first to know...