Monday, February 12, 2007

all the news that fits

I am a little upset with the major media outlets. Okay, more than a little upset. I just have one question:

WHERE THE HELL ARE THE ASTRONAUT STORIES?!?!?!!!!

Am I the only one? We had a good thing going with that astronaut story! Lust In Space! Diapers! The whole deal! I thought this would revolutionize roadtrip technology. I was prepared to sink a lot of money into Depends stock, since I figure people would be buying lots and lots of them now.

And then poor Anna Nicole shows up dead, and the astronaut is nowhere to be found in the news, much to my disappointment. That astronaut story is quite simply my favorite news item in years and being deprived of it is more than we, the American people, should have to bear.

The most interesting development in the whole affair actually came out right before the story got booted from the headlines. It seems that Mr. Sexy Astronaut Man issued a statement saying that he and Ms. Diaper Wearing Astronaut Lady weren't really involved. He said their relationship was "more than professional" yet "less than romantic". Uh... the who and the what now?

If I were Ms. Diaper Wearing Astronaut Lady I would NOT BE HAPPY to hear that. (Not that I am her! Not me! Me not crazy!) I fully expected her to issue her own statement which would go something like this:

Dear Mr. Sexy Astronaut Man,

Less than romantic? What the hell? I wore DIAPERS for you! Doesn't that mean ANYTHING to you, you cold, heartless bastard?!?!?!!! Less than romantic, MY ASS!!!

I'll be right here waiting for you because I know that me and you are totally soulmates and 100% MFEO. Enclosed you will find a gift I have made you out of roadkill and my own hair, in order to prove my love for you.

Love & diapers,
Ms. Diaper Wearing Astronaut Lady

Wow. I am really glad I'm not an astronaut. Or crazy. I'm just saying.

5 comments:

REAL said...

I am glad you are not an astronaut also - that would be bring a whole new meaning to long distance relationship.

I heard they are going to start screening the potential astronauts in the future - we are waiting for the white house to start doing the same.

MoSup said...

That astronaut man is a total cakeboy! And, while we might have been confused by the roadtrip, the astronaut woman is not a badgirl! No actual badgirl would sink to such lows for a cakeboy. Actual cake, perhaps.

Dino aka Katy said...

i wouldn't mind more astronout stories as I am sick fo the hole A.N. Smith thing. I feel sorry for the baby but I don't have to hear about it day in and out

Jenn from WA said...

Maybe it was "less than romantic" because the diapers posed a barrier for any entering of that specific galaxy...if you know what I mean.

I personally can't wait for the Lifetime movie on this story.

People has an article in this weeks issue. Read it...it's hilarious.

Ace said...

I thought she was the one who used that phrase?

And I called it. Just took something else and *poof* gone from the headlines.