I am a little upset with the major media outlets. Okay, more than a little upset. I just have one question:
WHERE THE HELL ARE THE ASTRONAUT STORIES?!?!?!!!!
Am I the only one? We had a good thing going with that astronaut story! Lust In Space! Diapers! The whole deal! I thought this would revolutionize roadtrip technology. I was prepared to sink a lot of money into Depends stock, since I figure people would be buying lots and lots of them now.
And then poor Anna Nicole shows up dead, and the astronaut is nowhere to be found in the news, much to my disappointment. That astronaut story is quite simply my favorite news item in years and being deprived of it is more than we, the American people, should have to bear.
The most interesting development in the whole affair actually came out right before the story got booted from the headlines. It seems that Mr. Sexy Astronaut Man issued a statement saying that he and Ms. Diaper Wearing Astronaut Lady weren't really involved. He said their relationship was "more than professional" yet "less than romantic". Uh... the who and the what now?
If I were Ms. Diaper Wearing Astronaut Lady I would NOT BE HAPPY to hear that. (Not that I am her! Not me! Me not crazy!) I fully expected her to issue her own statement which would go something like this:
Dear Mr. Sexy Astronaut Man,
Less than romantic? What the hell? I wore DIAPERS for you! Doesn't that mean ANYTHING to you, you cold, heartless bastard?!?!?!!! Less than romantic, MY ASS!!!
I'll be right here waiting for you because I know that me and you are totally soulmates and 100% MFEO. Enclosed you will find a gift I have made you out of roadkill and my own hair, in order to prove my love for you.
Love & diapers,
Ms. Diaper Wearing Astronaut Lady
Wow. I am really glad I'm not an astronaut. Or crazy. I'm just saying.