Saturday, December 06, 2008

happy...

Having my birthday yesterday has left me feeling quite a few things. Things that are hard to put into words, even for me. But I shall try! These are things I do for the sake of blogging.

I am feeling quite emotional, is the simple explanation. It's like a big emotional melange of feeling grateful and happy and joyful and fortunate with some more grateful and happy sprinkled on top. I've been thinking about these things since Thanksgiving, natch, and having my birthday made me think about it some more.

And the simple explanation to that is that I was, let's face it, in a Very Bad Place on my last birthday, and I am in a Much Better Place now. If I were a Sims character from the original-and-still-the-best incarnation of The Sims, you would see that all my gauges are in the happy green place, whereas many of them were in the not-so-happy red area just a year ago.

A year ago, my health was not so good and getting worse. Now, the hypoglycemia/diabetes is gone, and so are the 5 pills a day I took for it. The constant doses of Advil and Aleve that I was taking for joint and muscle pain are also gone. I have lots more energy than I used to, and I can do things like go to the city for work and bound up the subway stairs with my laptop bag and not think twice about it. And just today I crossed into a weight decade I haven't seen in a long, long time, and my Magic Number is... well, let's just say it's AMAZING. Fabulous, even.

A year ago, I was in a bad place regarding relationships. I won't say anything that could be hurtful about anyone else, because I am only here to write about my own experience. And now, well, I feel I have come pretty far. I feel as though I have finally gotten over some unpleasantness that took a couple years to get over, and now I'm able to ask myself what it is that I want out of a good, satisfying and life-giving relationship. More importantly, I feel as though I have it in me to actually look for and find said good, satisfying and life-giving relationship. And that's all I'm saying about that. Do I want to share this whole process on my blog for everyone in the whole world to read? Not bloody likely!

A year ago, I was feeling anti-social. If you are in the inner circle of Lesleydom, then you know that I am not an anti-social person. Not in the slightest. But I was. All my bad Sims-gauges were sapping my energy too much, I suppose. And now, well, I am quite social, I go out more, I make time to be with people more. I'm aware that I still do have a need for my alone time (I am an ENFP after all) as that is when I do my writing, thinking and other creative endeavors, so I do try to get a balance between my social time and my own time. And it's made me much happier, I do believe.

A year ago, I did not deal with stress in the best possible manner. This will horrify some of you, but I can clearly recall stressful times back then when I would literally eat a one-pound bag of M&M's over the course of an evening. Yeah, there, I said it. I can say these things since M&M's and I have officially broken up and all. There were also times when I'd eat a whole bag of Sun Chips in one evening -- Sun Chips, they're healthy, right? I'm not saying I was an emotional eater all the time. Certainly my endocrine disorder gets about 95% of the blame for my weight issues. But when the stress hit, I did reach for the snacks. And now, well, I'm learning other ways to cope. I vent a lot more than I used to. Sometimes my journal gets to hear it, sometimes my Plurkies get to hear it. Sometimes in moments of extreme frustration, I just need to cry. And so I do. And then it passes. Other things help too, of course, like prayer, meditation, and the yoga. It makes me very happy to know that when I am feeling stressed (or anxious, nervous, upset, angry) that I have literally a whole buffet of options as to how I can deal with it. And happier still to know that I can actually partake of that particular buffet.

Well, I think this is all I have to say about that. I am grateful for you, my dear blogfriends. And to my real-life friends, I am most thankful for having you along for the journey. Here's some Lesleygirl xoxo for you. Mwah!

1 comment:

MeHereNow said...

I'm happy that you're happy. Yes I know MAJOR cliche but truly I am.


Now if I could just recreate it in my own life ..... hmmm maybe 2009 might be my year???

Oh to the power of The Lesleymas!!