Monday, December 22, 2008

read me like a book that's fallen down between your knees...

Sing me the next line and I will give you a big smooch, a hard cider, and a punch in the arm. Or perhaps even a marriage proposal. It's hard to predict these things.

I am having some trouble getting into the Holiday Spirit here, people. Can you please send some my way? Seriously. Every little bit counts. And the Holiday Spirit you give me just may be the Holiday Spirit that I end up wishing back to you. It's all very Lion-King-Circle-of-Life-ish. Except that it's not like that at all.

Most of you will read this blogpost on December 23rd, or Christmas Eve Eve, as it's known. As a kid I always thought that December 23rd was the longest and most difficult day. See, the way I figured it, on December 24th, Santa already had the sleigh packed and was off delivering gifts in Europe anyway, so I could be as naughty as I wanted to be without it affecting my share of the loot. But December 23rd? The elves were still packing the sleigh and that was my Very Last Chance to show them what a good girl I was. Self-control was never my strong suit, thus the agony of December 23rd. As the Chipmunks so eloquently sang "We've been good, but we can't last! Hurry, Christmas! Hurry fast!"

You know who's going to be on the Naughty List this year? MY SINUSES. AGAIN. For like the third year in a row. Bad, bad, naughty sinuses! I have to call the ENT doc tomorrow for a script, and I'm hoping that they're cool about it and just call it in for me, rather than making me wait for an appointment, since it's Christmas later this week and all.

Earlier tonight I noticed a banana smell in my house. Which is odd because I haven't brought any bananas into this place in about six months. Do I have a phantom banana-scented poltergeist? Or is Clementine the Wonder Kitteh running out to the grocery for them when I'm not home? Alas, this will remain a mystery. The banana scent is gone now.

I need a Moment of Crab here, people. Sort of like the Daily Show's Moment of Zen, except it's Crab. Today's crabbypants rant is against the ubiquity of chocolate and cookies and other assorted desserts right now. Like I've said before, I am not craving any of them, but I think I'm missing the tradition. Also, I am quite tired of there being dessert-ish occasions at which no one has thought to offer a sugar-free option. Is fruit that hard to get a hold of? I don't think so!

Moment of Crab has ended. Lather, rinse, repeat. Good night.

7 comments:

Emanuel said...

The Patron saint said "Sing me the next line and I will give you a big smooch, a hard cider, and a punch in the arm. Or perhaps even a marriage proposal. It's hard to predict these things."

(Picking up karaoke mic) /off key/ Please let me have my way with you

[shoes and fruit thrown at me]

Lesley said...

Googling does not count!!!

Nice try, though.

MoSup said...

Fruit is not that hard to get a hold of ... if you are Clementine of mysterious bananas.

By the way, I think this will be my new motto:

"We've been good, but we can't last! Hurry, Christmas! Hurry fast!"

Um, or similar...

Stewie said...

It's Christmas time
There's no need to be afraid
At Christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade
And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy

Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time

But say a prayer

Pray for the other ones
At Christmas time it's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
(Oooh) Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow
Do they know it's Christmas time at all

(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone
(Here's to them) underneath that burning sun
Do they know it's Christmas time at all

Feed the world, feed the world, feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again

If that doesn't get you in the mood, I don't know what will. MERRY CHRISTMAS

Stewie said...

It's Christmas time
There's no need to be afraid
At Christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade
And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy

Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time

But say a prayer

Pray for the other ones
At Christmas time it's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
(Oooh) Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow
Do they know it's Christmas time at all

(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone
(Here's to them) underneath that burning sun
Do they know it's Christmas time at all

Feed the world, feed the world, feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again

If that doesn't get you in the Christmas spirit, I don't know what will.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Stewie said...

It's Christmas time
There's no need to be afraid
At Christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade
And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy

Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time

But say a prayer

Pray for the other ones
At Christmas time it's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life

If that doesn't get you in the Christmas spirit, I don't know what will.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Snooze said...

Well, Stewie got me in the Christmas spirit (albeit a day late, but my fault for not reading sooner). I LOVE that song.

I hope you had a great day L!