Sunday, February 20, 2011

sunday sigh

First, those of you who replied to my last post? THANK YOU. It makes me feel so much less crazy to hear that I'm not the only one who has felt this way after a layoff.

This loss-of-job grief is a funny thing for me. I've never left a job that I actually grieved before, and I'm sure a lot of why I'm grieving this one is because none of this was my idea.  Back in another lifetime of mine, when I did my clinical training, I remember a supervisor talking about a "file folder of grief," meaning that often when we experience a grief, it throws open a whole file folder containing the other unresolved griefs in our lives and we feel those other griefs all over again. I do feel like I'm experiencing some of this now. Not all the time, but it's there. Ugh.

I know that I said this on that first Sunday evening after my unfortunate termination, but it bears repeating: Sunday evenings are really hard for me. I know that many people who hate their jobs spend their Sunday evenings dreading the workweek (I was involved with someone who practically made an art form of this Sunday night dread -- I still cringe about it now!) but I was someone who loved my job, and I used to spend my Sunday evenings plotting the week ahead. I miss that.  Tonight I'm trying to focus on the things I need to take care of this week: unemployment and several doctor appointments (which I'll elaborate on at another time) but the sense of accomplishment I used to have just isn't there. Maybe part of what I should do this week is find another way to get that sense of accomplishment.


Jenn from WA said...

When I was unfortunately forced into unemployement I found I lost track of what day it was. So the fact you still know Sunday is Sunday, that's a good sign...I think.

Lesley said...

I can tell the days based on which class at the gym I'm going to.