Thursday, September 01, 2011

thirsty, and yes, it's thursday

Earlier today, I went to the endocrinologist for my usual follow-up with her. You see, I have several (not just one, SEVERAL) endocrine disorders, all of which have conspired over the years to make me gain as much weight as they could while also making it damn near impossible to lose said weight.

So today I found out that, just as I suspected, my thyroid is still very unhappy. Why is it so unhappy? Hashimoto's thyroiditis disease. It's an auto-immune disease in which the rest of my body has decided to attack my thyroid, leading to hypothyroid, among other unpleasant symptoms. I have to increase my dose of meds, and I also have to switch from one formulation of thyroid meds to another. Adjusting to an increase in thyroid meds is no fucking picnic. I am not a fan.

I also found out that my body is still producing way too much insulin, and it's been getting worse. This has several names, but it's probably best known as hyperinsulinemia or insulin resistance. This would be why I've been having issues with hypoglycemia lately, which I can also tell you is no fucking picnic. So I have to go on a medication for that, and I am Not Happy About It.

This all kills me. It really does. I am so careful with how I take care of myself. I follow the rules. I've kept my carb count under 100 grams per day, and most days it's actually 60 grams. Now I'm told I have to make every day 60 grams or fewer. And, I exercise more than anyone I know. I'm having a big, big case of "IT'S JUST NOT FAIR" right now. I feel like I have to do twice the work to get half the results and it's just not fair that my stupid endocrine issues make this so fucking hard for me. I see lots of other people who've had surgery and reached their goal with no effort, and I feel like I've had to fight for every pound. NOT FAIR.

I did have fleeting thoughts of saying "fuck it" and just doing whatever I want. However, as I've said before, this new lifestyle really has become my new way of life. I'd be lost if I had to live without Zumba. And I know I'd feel like shit if I started eating poorly. So as much fun as my pity party has been, I know that there's no where for me to go other than onward.

And besides, I can tell you that nothing will motivate you more to take very, VERY good care of yourself than spending some time in the waiting room of an endocrinologist.

That's all. Good night.

1 comment:

Snooze said...

((((hugs))))


PS Believe it or not, my WV was binge. Bad WV!