patron saint of smart mouths

sunday four

2012-01-29T23:57:00.034-05:00

Oh did I forget to blog or something? Yeah, I think I'm going to be taking Fridays and Saturdays off. At least for now.

So once again I feel like numbered-listing you. How about four? Yeah, why not?!!

1. I know you're on the edge of your seats, here, but all I'll say is that I had a very, very, VERY nice weekend.

2. Some of you have asked, and I really have no updates about the job search process right now. Other than to tell you that it is the most frustrating and soul-crushing process I have ever been part of. I do my Lesley-bestest to not think about that, though, because then I start going to The Bad Place and start grieving the loss of my job, lamenting the fact that I'm looking for work during the worst economy in decades, crying about the fact that I'm a cat-owning spinster with no job, and once again plotting retribution. And ya know, I just can't have any of that. So anyway, yeah, job searching. It's a lot like internet dating, actually. You see their profile, they give you a call, everything seems cool, you meet up once, everything's great, perhaps you meet again, you go away think this is going somewhere and then... SILENCE. No call, no "hey, it's not you, it's me", not even a text! I don't get it. But deep down, I remain optimistic, and I will continue trying, and I know soon I'll find a job. I'm not worried about that. Those of you who want to worry on my behalf, go right ahead. Just don't tell me about it, because then I'll feel bad, okay?

3. That stupid tonsillitis I had has gone away but yet I'm still coughing. Whose idea was this? I'm giving it a few more days before I go back to the doctor.

4. Once again this week, I'm sorting clothes and getting rid of things that are now too big. I feel like I've done this every season for the last three years -- not that it's a bad problem to have, mind you -- but I do worry that I'm going to have nothing left! It does make me a little anxious to see a walk-in closet that was once reasonably full (but not overly so) and is now rather empty. This is why I need one of those job thingies. I need money to buy cute new clothes!

That's four. That's enough for now!

it's only natural...

2012-01-26T23:39:00.006-05:00

I don't feel like blogging, no sir, no blogging today.

Actually, there are things I'd love to blog about, but really I'm not ready to say them in public yet. If you want details, email me. Otherwise, you'll just have to wait.

But in the meantime?

It's only natural that I should want to be there with you,
It's only natural that you should feel the same way too...

Pleasant dreams, peeps!

wee wednesday blog

2012-01-25T23:54:00.016-05:00

I feel like numbered-listing you yet again. Not sure why. Also not sure how many items will be on this list. It's a mystery! Ooh, the suspense!!!

1. Around two years ago, it seemed like every commercial on TV had "Hey, Soul Sister" in it. Now it appears that every commercial has "Brighter Than The Sun" in it. Despite this, I have to say that I really like that song.

2. I'm having some serious stirrings in my spiritual life right now. Despite my being a patronal saint, there's not much I want to say about it in this blog, mostly because I'm sure this is interesting to me and me alone.

3. I've said this before and I'mma say it again: 2012 is MY YEAR. Good things are coming my way, and I'm very very happy. Happy!!!!!

That's three. And that will be all.

tell it to you tuesday

2012-01-24T23:23:00.025-05:00

It's been a while since I've numbered-listed you all. How about Three for Tuesday? I realize that Two for Tuesday sounds better, but I'm feeling generous.

1. Today was National Peanut Butter Day. Who knew? Well, I knew! I celebrated by baking a batch of sugar-free peanut butter cookies. They are delicious. I did briefly consider buying a Reese's cup for myself, but I do try to avoid sugar and it would've made my carb count for the day way too high. Did you ever notice that the Reese's cups that are in a holiday shape (hearts, Christmas trees, etc) are way better than the regular kind? I think that's because they have a higher peanut butter : chocolate ratio. This is just a theory, though.

2. Now that I've been allowed back at the gym, I've been great with cardio but not as good with strength training. Part of that is because I've been hesitant to do anything that could strain the muscles that were tightened during my surgery. But tomorrow, I'm going to get back into it. I'm planning to go to BodyPump, followed by yoga. So I'll have strength and balance. You can't beat that.

3. I'm proud to say that I finally managed to go buy myself a new pair of jeans and black dress pants. Both have been tailored (um, yeah, every pair of pants my 5-foot-2 self buys has to be shortened -- even the petites) and, more importantly, worn! I waited a while to invest in anything new because it takes a while for the swelling to go down. I'm still a little swollen but hey, I know how to take in waistband, since I've had so much practice these last three years. It was an odd experience, buying new pants. I picked up the size that my friends had told me I probably was, and as I held them up in the fitting room, I thought there was no way this was going to work. Sure enough, they zipped up, were comfortable, and looked fabulous. And they are a size that I never, EVER thought I'd see again. Moments like this make me very proud of myself and what I have accomplished.

That's about it. Onward!

monday mbr

2012-01-23T23:40:00.001-05:00

Yeah, I'm MBR-ing you. Sorry!

Except, not sorry. Sometimes I have things to do other than blog. I promise to write a real blog soon before I lose too many readers, though...

winter summer, day or night, centigrade or fahrenheit...

2012-01-22T23:58:00.019-05:00

Why hello there! 'Memba me? Yeah, I didn't blog the last two days. I was busy. The Lesleygirl ain't just sippin' tea, ya know.

I think my resolution for 2012 will be a rather simple one: I will not settle. This will apply to most, if not all, aspects of my life. So far this year I've learned that when you don't accept what's not good enough, you then make room in your life for things that are good enough and that you deserve. And the year is still relatively new, I have a lot more of this to experience yet. LesleyMom constantly reminds me that it's important to have standards (or "standids!" if you've ever heard the LesleyMom speak) and I'm realizing that she's right. I mean I had an inkling about this before, but now I'm convinced.

That's all I'm willing to say for now. Other than to tell you that this was a very, very happy weekend for me, and I am really hoping that trend continues. We shall see...

thirsty yet thankful thursday

2012-01-19T23:20:00.017-05:00

Earlier tonight I went to a nightclub Zumba event. It was even more awesome than it sounds, including the part when yours truly got on stage and led a few songs. Now that I'm back to doing my previous levels of cardio, I'm aware that my cardio strength suffered a little during my medical hiatus and I'm still ramping back up. I feel thirstier than I remember being before, but of course the meds for the tonsillitis could be causing that too. Who knows. So I chugged my water like a good girl during this event, however, about halfway through I could smell beer over at the bar right next to the dance floor (said bar was closed during the Zumba class) and all I could think was OMG I WANT A BEER. Hey, don't judge. You would've thought it too. So during the after-party I did indulge in some Corona. However, now? I'm thirsty! More water is being chugged as I type this...

Also, my abs are definitely feeling the effects of having gone to a regular Zumba class this morning, plus the event tonight and I have some nerve pain now. I didn't hurt myself, so don't worry about that (Hi, LesleyMom!). It's more like the nerves are all asking "what the hell did you do to us?" Sorry, nerves. I needed some fun!

Right now it's also about two hours later than the timestamp. I may someday change how I date these posts and do things like write late at night and timestamp it for the next day. I'm not sure, though. I probably think about this more than I need to. And I'll admit I do get a little thrill out of things like writing a blog at 1:20 in the morning and then changing the date and time on it. Bwahahahahah!!!

In other news, I think I need to form an advisory council. Seriously. Let me know if you want in.

midweek mbr

2012-01-18T23:41:00.003-05:00

Oh, hi! It's Wednesday night.

I'd blog more but I'm tired. Tonsillitis really takes it out of me, I guess. Yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Good night.

tuesday's gray and wednesday too...

2012-01-17T23:50:00.003-05:00

Yeah, that's really all I have to say.

Still waiting for call backs re: jobs. Also waiting for the magical Starbucks portal.

More tomorrow.

MLK monday

2012-01-16T23:49:00.021-05:00

So I figured that if the state and federal government have a holiday today, then I had one too, right? Plus, none of the job-related phone calls I had to make were to people who were working today. Instead I did things like send fun text messages, clean my stupid house, and go to the movies with LesleyMom. Tomorrow, back to the mines.

And yes, I've gone on a lot of interviews. This is how the whole job-getting process works, especially for the type of job I'd like to get. It seems slow but I think that's because letting a week go by is no big whoop for the potential employer, meanwhile for me it feels like an eternity. It's like a dog years rate of conversion or something. There are two jobs that I think could be close to an offer that I'd be very happy with, but for the sake of maintaining my own sanity, I'm still sending out resumes, networking, making phone calls, etc. Any day I wake up and I don't have a job to go to is a day I spend looking for a job. Deep down, I'm optimistic and I know I will find something very soon. In the last year, I haven't always felt this way and certainly spent a lot of time feeling depressed, rejected, thinking I'm a loser, etc. As much fun as that was, I've moved on.

In other news, I really need some girl talk. Any of you want to meet me at Starbucks tomorrow? This is when I wish Starbucks had a magic portal that could transport you to any other Starbucks in the world. Wouldn't that be cool? Science people, get to work on that!

Lather, rinse, repeat.

well what a weekend

2012-01-15T23:18:00.004-05:00

It's very late and probably too late for me to be articulate. However, this was a weekend pretty much made of awesome. My tonsils seem to be getting better, the Giants totally unexpectedly beat the Packers, and well tonight was interesting. Good interesting.

And if you want to know more than that, you'll have to ask. But for now I have to sleep.

you've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em...

2012-01-13T23:56:00.007-05:00

I'm feeling sort-of better today, thanks for asking. Probably because I did things like rest, and drink tea and soup. And more rest is in store for tomorrow. I feel a little funky from all the antibiotics and the prednisone, but I'm taking my probiotics and eat lots of yogurt. Which means I have the Activiaaaaaaa song in my head. Nice!

But I'm tired so I'm going to hit the hay. Night night.

blurg

2012-01-12T23:20:00.010-05:00

I started feeling a little odd on Tuesday, and then on Wednesday I was all stuffy and my throat hurt. I met LesleyMom for lunch that day and ordered a hot apple cider instead of my usual iced tea because my throat needed some comfort. After that lunch, I called the ear, nose & throat doctor and made an appointment. They gave me one for today.

As usually happens in cases like this, today I woke up with a lot of pain in my sinuses but not as much, um, discharge so by the time my appointment rolled around I was wondering if I should even go, and if it was going to be worth a $30 copay just for the doctor to tell me I'm fine.

Except? Not fine. It turns out that I have tonsillitis, and a severe sinus infection. Of course, all of this was discovered via some very unpleasant tests which can best be described as "up your nose with a rubber hose." I wasn't feeling all that bad before the appointment, mostly because I was trying to power through it, but now? Yeah, I feel sickypants. I have two weeks of a pretty strong antibiotic to take as well as a course of prednisone.

The upshot in all of this? I haven't had a sinus infection in six months. This is a new record. Maybe next time I can make it to seven or eight months.

And now I'm putting my sick ass to bed. Good night!

midweek mbr

2012-01-11T23:36:00.003-05:00

I'm very tired tonight, people. I had yet another interview and those things are just exhausting. I'm pretty sure I rocked it, but still, they're exhausting nonetheless.

So exhausting that you're getting a Minimum Blog Requirement. Good night, people.

even if it leads nowhere...

2012-01-10T23:07:00.015-05:00

If you have any idea where that quote comes from, then how about you and I go out for a few beers and some chit chat? I could certainly use it!

Today was a very productive day and I'm feeling ridiculously proud of myself for some of what I did. I mean, normally I feel pretty good about my accomplishments, it's just that today I feel ridiculously so. In sharp contrast with that, I'm feeling the depressing effects of the job search process. How is it possible to have multiple good interviews and then things don't work out? Why keep calling me and acting interested if you're just going to disappear with no explanation? I don't play those games. And I hate it when other people do. Even if the people in question are, in fact, jobs. Not cool.

But, this changes nothing. I still believe deep down that good things will be mine very soon. Good health, a good job, lots of happy happy. None of it may take the form I had expected or anticipated, but I suppose that's the nature of the beast.

Good night. Sister is tired!

you & i can shake off this mortal coil...

2012-01-09T23:47:00.019-05:00

That song in the title? I'll get to that in just a moment.

Today's marathon o' interviews went well but tonight I am exhausted! I arrived very early for the first interview, and as planned, found a Starbucks and chilled for a while. I also emailed my chosen references and said "oh hey, here's the job description, and here's exactly what I'd like you to tell them about me!" Heh. A little preparation goes a long way, right? So as I was leaving Starbucks, one of my very favorite songs came on, "It's Only Natural" by Crowded House. It's really not a song you ever hear anywhere, even though it kicks ass. I took that as a sign that things would go well for me today.

And the first interview did go well. I was interviewed by a huge panel of people and it was exhausting but I felt good about how I did. After that, I drove to Princeton for the second interview, which involved lunch. I got there super early, so I parked at LesleyMom's office (free parking, yay!), went in to say hello and chat for a bit, then walked to the pre-arranged lunch spot. People, let me tell you something: I am NEVER again agreeing to a lunch interview. NEVER. I only have less than half a stomach plus I've recently been sewn into a corset made of my own muscle, so it's difficult for me to eat a regular lunch. Plus it's hard to both consume one's Greek salad & soup combo while answering questions. I ate maybe half the salad and a few bites of the non-broth part of the soup, and threw the rest away. Despite the food angst, I do think the interview went well. I have an in-person interview later this week with the actual client I'd be directly working for. We shall see what happens!

In other news, like I mentioned earlier I'm exhausted. Time to go night-night. Be well, my lovelies.

weekend!

2012-01-08T23:53:00.032-05:00

The weekend is ending. And tomorrow morning I have to wake up bright & ugly and drive about an hour into Pennsylvania to interview for a job that is, in fact, in Princeton. See, the job is in Princeton but the project management firm I'd be working for as a consultant is in Pennsylvania. After that interview I have to high-tail it to Princeton to have lunch with someone from the firm who works on-site where the job is. That all makes sense, right? Right!

This weekend I was talking with two of my friends who've also been through the whole massive weight loss + plastic surgery thing, one who did so ten days before me and one who did it just this past week. I was saying how I can't wrap my mind around how I look now, and my friend M showed me a website called My Body Gallery. It's pretty cool -- you go on there, tell them how tall you are, your weight, your clothing sizes, and body type (or some combination thereof), and then they show you photos of real women who match that description.

People, I was floored!!! I looked at the pictures that matched my parameters and I kept saying "No! I don't look like that! You're kidding me!" M looked at some of the pictures with me and in her usual forthright way pointed out that actually I am smaller than quite a few of them. Probably because of all the working out I do. Or as LMFAO would say "I WORK OUT!!!" It may sound kinda dumb, especially if you've never struggled with body image, but it really had an impact on me. I know I'm not there yet, but I think I'm starting to get that I really look different now.

And now it's late, although not as late as the timestamp would indicate (ha!), so I need to finish boiling my steel cut oats and go the hell to bed. Wish me luck with my interviews, people!

science fiction double feature

2012-01-06T23:49:00.016-05:00

Oh, me. Tonight I have a lot on my mind and yet not much to say. Yet, I still want to keep up the discipline of daily blogging so here I am.

I'm having a lot of issues lately with rectifying the image I see in the mirror with the one I still see in my head. When I went back to Zumba last night, a few people at the gym asked me if I was done with losing weight. I said I didn't know, but their question got me thinking -- do I look like I don't have to lose anymore? Do I finally look normal?

I think it's going to take a while for me to adjust to the change. When I lived in Minnesota, most days I would look out at the landscape and think "man, this place is flat!" Probably because I had spent the prior 22 years in the not-flat eastern seaboard part of the country. I think it's the same thing here. I'm still adjusting to the new landscape. Or the new Lesleyscape, as the case may be.

Exciting things are going on with the job front. I'm hoping I have good news soon. We shall see...

tired thursday

2012-01-05T23:43:00.001-05:00

Today was a good day, but for some reason I am very tired tonight. I was finally allowed to go back to Zumba, as long as I promised to not overdo it and to immediately stop if I felt any pain. I'm happy to say that I was able to do the whole class without pain and at a good intensity. I feel ridiculously proud of myself for this!

In other news, I really have to get to bed before I fall asleep at my laptop. Not sure where the tired is coming from, but I won't argue with it. I'll just sleep!

Good night.

one year ago

2012-01-04T23:18:00.024-05:00

It was one year ago today that I was told "your department was eliminated and, ya know, it is what it is." Can you believe that? Thinking about it, I still feel the same sense of shock and utter disbelief that I felt at the time. That last thing that I ever thought I would be was unemployed. I believed in the mission of Those Fuckers, and felt like I was part of something very cool. Truly, January 4, 2011 was one of the saddest days of my life, and at the time I thought it was going to destroy me. Those of you who live in the same part of the country as me surely remember how much snow we had last winter, and the unrelenting snow storms combined with my unemployment and also combined with my usual case of Seasonal Affective Disorder was a horrible combination. Honestly, I am surprised I lived through it. But I am glad I did.

Today, January 4, 2012, I feel differently. While I don't enjoy being unemployed during a sucky economy, I can tell you that I'm glad I no longer work for Those Fuckers. I'm thankful that I had worked in a state that is so generous with its unemployment payments, thankful that I did get a very good severance package, thankful that I don't have a car payment (Keep up the good work, Rizzo the Beetle!), and thankful that there are actually a lot of jobs in my field right now. I know I will be okay. And I know that having been through this, I'm a better person for it. 2011 certainly got off to a rough start, but 2012 will have many good things for me.

In other news, there's some weirdness in the air that I really don't get. One thing that drives me absolutely batshit crazy is when people just aren't straight with me. I don't get it. I can deal with the truth, I can't deal with having to guess about why someone isn't speaking to me.

But I'm not letting that bother me. I have a fabulous 2012 to enjoy now!

Good night!

ice will melt, water will boil...

2012-01-03T23:21:00.013-05:00

Here's a few things you would've done today if you were me.

1. Interview with a headhunter. This went well. And hey, since he makes his living on commission, he's super motivated to find me a job. I actually liked the guy, too, which is good. Headhunters don't have the best reputation in the world.

2. Visited the old office. The headhunter was about a block away, so I figured I'd say hello. And once again, I thanked the good Baby Jesus that I no longer work there. That place could be a case study in how a once great organizational culture completely went to hell.

3. Ate lunch with the LesleyMom. She made me a toasted cheddar and some vegetable beef soup, just like when I was a wee Lesleygirl. Awwww...

4. Saw the surgeon for a follow-up. I got drained again, which incidentally is just as much fun as it sounds, and was told that I am still healing beautifully. This makes me very, very happy!

5. Ended the day with good food, coffee, and girl talk. You can't beat that.

Good night!

good interesting

2012-01-02T23:18:00.005-05:00

Life can be very interesting sometimes. Today? Very very interesting indeed.

Tomorrow could be interesting as well. I'm meeting with a headhunter in the morning, in the afternoon I'm going to see my plastic surgeon for a follow-up appointment, and then in the evening it's dinner out with the girls.

I'm still thinking of my 2012 goals. It's a few things like "Find job" and "Plan huge 40th birthday party" but, ya know, it's always good to break things down into measurable and attainable goals. More later.

Good night.

nothing changes on new year's day

2012-01-01T23:16:00.030-05:00

While it's true that nothing changes on New Year's Day, it is a good time to reflect on the past year and make some plans and goals for the next year.

It's true that 2011 and I did not get off to the best start. In fact, if you had asked me on 12/31/10 what I thought the worst thing was that could happen to me, I probably would've listed being laid off from my job in the top ten. Top five, really. December 2010 was a pretty rough month for me. I was being worked to death, and while I won't get into details here, I was feeling rather heartbroken. My job had become a comforting constant in my life in some ways, and I loved the work I did and the contribution I felt like I was making.

In January 2011, that was taken away from me. I was devastated at the time but former coworker who had been laid off before me told me that my life would improve greatly once I left there, that this was the shove I needed to get out, and that I should RUN, not walk, to the next chapter of my life.

And you know what? He was right.

2011 may have gotten off to a rough start, however, I persevered even when I didn't think I could, and now as 2012 begins I can say that I have never felt better about myself and I know that many good things await me this year.

I have a few goals in mind for this year but that will be another blog for another day. For now, I must sleep.

Good night, and Happy MMXII!

last friday

2011-12-30T23:05:00.000-05:00

Last Friday of the year, that is. And guess what? Minimum Blog Requirement.

Although I will say this: I love blogging. I write this for me. And blogging has often been my cheap therapy, my way to work things out for myself, and even a way to connect with other people.

However, there are people out there who take things out of context, act offended at something they think I said while reading between the lines (um no, I'm not talking about anyone else other than MYSELF), and cause me drama. I do not like this. I've actually thought about discontinuing blogging because of it, but then I went back to my original point: I WRITE THIS FOR ME.

That's all. Good night.

an affair to remember

2011-12-29T23:10:00.033-05:00

I hope I didn't make you think with that subject line that I'd be discussing any actual affairs. Rather, that's the movie that LesleyMom and I watched this afternoon -- well, part of it at least. Of course, we watched the big ending and both yelled "Don't go, Cary Grant!" when we thought he was going to leave without realizing that Deborah Kerr really didn't stand him up that day on the Empire State Building and that they still loved each other. Awwww...

Today was mostly decent. I'd say it was about 85% awesome and 15% extremely annoying but that didn't take away from the awesome. I have a phone interview tomorrow morning for what would be a very good job in a place I'd love to work, and it has an easy commute (bonus!). I also have a meeting with a headhunter on Tuesday morning about other opportunities that could come my way. All of a sudden, I'm a hot commodity. This can only lead to good things, people.

On the extremely annoying side of things, the tire that went flat the other night had to be replaced, and things like that cost money. I also had to deal with some annoying drama llamas, and you know I am not a fan of such things. Also, last week I'd had a very very good interview, had very good feedback, was told they'd call the next day with an offer, and now they've disappeared. I don't get it. It's like when you go on a really great first date, the guy says he'll call, and then he seemingly falls off the face of the earth. I know that the time seems a lot longer to me as a prospective employee, and that most likely neither the company nor the recruiter is doing any work at all this week, but hey, at least let me know what's going on. Otherwise, that's just rude. And annoying.

That's all. I need to rest up for tomorrow morning's interview. Good night, my lovelies.

fourth day of christmas

2011-12-28T23:55:00.017-05:00

This is going to be something close to a Minimum Blog Requirement today. Yesterday's blog said a lot, you know. Plus, last night I could not, for the life of me, turn off my brain and go the fuck to sleep and today I'm exhausted. I fell asleep sometime around 5:15 am (yes, I shit you not) and then got my tuchus out of bed by 8:45 am. I wanted to sleep more, of course, but I also didn't want to stay in bed all day and completely throw off my schedule. That's never good. So tonight I'm writing this at around 10:00 pm. When I'm done I'm going to take a hot bath (since I'm allowed to take them again once more!), put my laundry in the dryer, take a sleep aid and then (hopefully!) SLEEP. I might go a little crazy if I don't.

And that's all I have to say right now. Peace out, girl scouts.

the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters but no pearls

2011-12-27T23:44:00.057-05:00

So as the year is ending, I've been doing the usual year-end review that I like to do. Those of you who have been following my blog for a while probably know that 2011 has been no fucking picnic for me. It's been a year with a lot of losses, that's for sure, but I can't help but think that it's all leading to something greater and better which will make me happier than I could have imagined. This deep-down knowledge that regardless of any present crappy circumstances I *will* come out on top has gotten me through some very dark moments.

And I do have my dark moments. One thing I've realized is that I have a very hard time moving on when things feel unresolved to me. Unresolved as in I haven't had my say and ending things wasn't my idea to begin with. It makes me crazy and leaves me grasping for just something familiar and worse, feeling stuck and unable to move on. This is true in several avenues but the easiest one to talk about here is my job. Eliminating my department and my job certainly wasn't my idea, nor was the resulting almost year of unemployment, thankyouverymuch. And when it first happened I found myself contacting former coworkers to ask how specific projects (MY projects!) were going, just wanting to hear about how the work I had started was progressing, hear familiar voices, feel like I was still part of something. I even hoped that they'd realize they missed me and needed me and then ask me to come back. It took some time (but thankfully, not much time) to realize that outside of work none of those people really cared about me and there was no reason to even try to stay in touch. "We'll meet for lunch/drinks, I'll give you a call" is meaningless from many people. I do have a few friendships that I'll continue to hold onto (i.e., if you're cool enough to read this blog and/or be my Facebook friend) but the people that I last worked with? Yeah, not them. I realize now I also spent way too much time feeling stuck and unable to move on. Because everything felt unresolved, I tried to resolve it in my head, and most of the reasons I came up with were that I was clearly a Very Bad Person who does not deserve Good Things.

Yeah, like I said, there are other avenues in my life in which this has been an issue, but this is the only one I'm comfortable blogging about.

So I feel like I've spent 2011 gradually working toward letting go, and realizing that there are just some things that are never going to feel resolved to my satisfaction. And that's okay. I've also been realizing that some things just suck because they suck, and it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm a bad person. And certainly not a Very Bad Person.

But it's a lot to think about. It makes me want to ring in the New Year all alone and start 2012 feeling well-rested and independent. We shall see.

More blogging tomorrow. I have a fabulous 2012 to plan so I'd better get to planning it.

no fire where i lit my spark

2011-12-26T23:37:00.013-05:00

I'm home and I'm tired. My seroma is hurting -- oh and for the love of God and All Things Holy if one more person sings "My seroma" to the tune of "My Sharonna" I will cut them. Keep it to yourself, unless you want to hear very, VERY detailed descriptions of said seroma. That can be arranged. Or, of course, if you wanna get cut. That also can be arranged.

In other news, I am enjoying the hell out of the after-Christmas sales! I got some snazzy gift cards for Christmas and taking advantage of coupons and other special offers. I'm still a little overwhelmed by all the clothing options I now have but then I try stuff on and see how gorgeous I look and it makes the whole buying process much easier. I never thought I'd enjoy shopping, but here I am!

That's enough for now. Peace out, girl scouts.

merry christmas

2011-12-25T23:57:00.001-05:00

That's all. Regular blogging will resume tomorrow.

christmas eve

2011-12-24T23:50:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

xoxo

christmas adam

2011-12-23T23:45:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, so today was Christmas Adam!

And guess what? Christmas Adam gets an MBR. I'm getting home much, much later than this time stamp would suggest and right now I just need to hit the proverbial hay. But I had a very fun evening out, as you already know if we are Facebook friends. Wooooooo!!!

Good night!

couldn't miss this one this year...

2011-12-22T23:38:00.015-05:00

Today was a busy, BUSY day and tomorrow will be rather busy as I have to go get a crack in my windshield repaired (at least I hope it can be repaired, rather than replaced), pick up the last of my Xmas gift shopping, and some other errands I'm forgetting. Oh and apparently I need to enhance the color of my hair.

I didn't hear about the job yet today. I'm not anxious though; I'm actually feeling quite Zen about it. I'm thinking that the recruiter told me that the employer was making a decision today because he's more motivated to get me in there ASAP since that would earn him a commission and that's how he makes a living. But I'm not worried. It's all good in the end, and if it's not good, then it's not the end!

In other news, I am having hella abdominal pain tonight, and it is no fun. Earlier tonight when I was out, something made me wheeze and the subsequent coughing made me feel like my incision was going to open and all my guts were going to spill out -- kind of like that part in The Little Mermaid when Ursula had become the girl but then she turned back into Ursula again. I also sneezed a few times and it gave me a similar feeling, so now? PAIN. I need to take a painkiller and get some sleep.

More tomorrow!

good

2011-12-21T23:27:00.012-05:00

I had a job interview today which went very well. The feedback from the interview was very positive, and I should probably know one way or the other by close of business tomorrow. I would love this new job, however, even if they decide to go with another candidate, just the fact that I had a good interview and felt so confident going in there and telling them about myself has given me a big and much-needed boost. I definitely feel much more confident interviewing now than I did before, and today I felt like I was there to tell them how fabulous I am and if they can't see that and offer me a cushy, high-paying job ASAP, well that's just too bad for them!

In other news, apparently six months ago I was feeling a little crazy and I scheduled myself a dental appointment for 8:30 tomorrow morning. So now I must sleep so I can wake up for said appointment. After that I really, REALLY need to go finish my Christmas shopping!

Good night.

tuesday two

2011-12-20T23:11:00.017-05:00

Two. That's all you get.

1. I have an in-person interview tomorrow for a job I'm very interested in, so PLEASE, send me some good thoughts around 1:00 pm Eastern. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that at least for now I won't have a wee little 15 minute commute like I had when I worked for Those Fuckers, but this job could lead to some great things for me, and I'm willing to bite the bullet, fill up my Beetle, and commute. Maybe I'll use the time to do things like listen to audiobooks or learn Spanish.

2. I had another good follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He told me again that I should feel good about how well I've healed and that obviously I've taken very good care of myself. He said he wanted to tell me that because he knows that dealing with the seroma and the hospitalization I had is a pain in the ass, but considering what else I could have dealt with, I'm still doing better than expected. That made me feel good to hear! He also said that next week I can go back to the gym to do the treadmill and that in three more weeks I should be ready to go back to Zumba. THREE WEEKS. YES!!!

That's two. Good night.

well maybe just a half a drink more...

2011-12-19T23:40:00.023-05:00

Two more Christmas gifts were purchased tonight. I have six more to go, three of which will come from the same store. I can do this. Since I was such a good girl about buying Christmas gifts, I also swung by Sephora to pick up my birthday gift from them (a big bottle of Happy Birthday, Beautiful! shower gel) and a few other items. Fun new things from Sephora always make me feel gorgeous.

I don't want to say too much but after today I have a feeling that my Year of Lesley sabbatical will soon be drawing to a close. It would be nice to once again have one of those job thingies so I can, ya know, buy stuff, but at the same time Year of Lesley has rocked! I may need to recite a Requiem Mass for the Year of Lesley when it finally does end. "Rest eternal grant to the Year of Lesley, and may light perpetual shine upon it!"

I'll admit it, I posted a rant on Facebook today that I had posted here two weeks ago. The one about how there's nothing tackier than asking someone who just went through reconstructive surgery how much weight their surgeon removed and what size they wear now. As you can imagine, I was asked that question one time too many (at least) and decided to put it out there where the offenders would see it. Let them feel like shit instead of me! However, I will say that those of you who have been supportive and cheered for me along the way and not asked nosy questions? YOU ROCK. Thank you for being there for me. I never, ever expected that anyone would support me in this, so your support and encouragement is a welcome and unexpected surprise, and one that I'm truly thankful for! Oh I should probably post progress photos soon. I'll add that to this week's To Do List, okay?

And in other news, I need a warm compress, a pain pill, and a comfort movie so I must be going. Good night!

no nap = no will to blog

2011-12-18T23:11:00.000-05:00

Busy day, today. I had a few things I needed to work on around the house and also an Excel file I was trying to tame for a friend (epic fail, that. Wah!) and I didn't get around to taking my daily nap and now tonight I'm feeling it. I cannot overemphasize the fact that I've never, ever been a nap person and the fact that I currently need one doesn't sit too well with me. I get tired very easily, though. Tomorrow I'll be five weeks out of surgery (yay!) so I figure this nap-needing can go on another three weeks before I start to worry.

Also, it occurs to me that I should probably get my iron levels checked. My numbers were a little low when I was in the hospital last week, and if they're trending downward I'd like to get ahead of that rather than having to go for iron infusions. As much fun as they were, I'd rather not repeat the experience!

And now, I'm going to be a big trendsetter and go plank in my bed for the next seven or so hours. Night!

have yourself a merry little xmas...

2011-12-17T23:58:00.020-05:00

I think I can think of four things to tell you. Let's see what happens.

1. Every year there are more and more Christmas songs that make me feel nostalgic and teary. Good Lord, I am becoming a sap in my old age. And it's not even just sad songs that do this to me. Today I got teary when I heard the Boston Pops doing "Sleigh Ride" because it made me think of being in my high school orchestra and playing that song. LesleyMom will tell you that we sounded even better than the Boston Pops. True story.

2. I'll just say this very briefly but being in the middle of all this surgery recovery has been a welcome distraction from some of the melancholy I feel at this time of year. Sometimes Christmastime can feel like one huge reminder that one is a 30-something cat-owning spinster. But not this year. This year I'm a 30-something who's taking care of her incision and seroma and in awe of her stunning new physique.

3. I am feeling very confident about getting back into the workforce very soon. As much as I've enjoyed the Year of Lesley, all good things must end. And hey, I've done some pretty kickass things this year! I won't list them all now. That's for another day. Besides, this is already a list and a list within a list? Not sure I approve.

4. I'm quite aware that I'm still not ready to go back to Zumba, but I miss my Zumba pals something fierce. I'm actually thinking of swinging by the gym tomorrow when my usual Sunday class gets out so I can say hello. I miss getting my hour (or two) or cardio every day much more than I had expected. I'm really, really hoping that my incision will close itself up in the next week so that I can at least walk on the treadmill or the elliptical. Or that I learn to be patient with this process. Hmmm...

That's four. Sister needs some sleep, so good night!

another auld lang syne

2011-12-16T23:49:00.009-05:00

This is a Minimum Blog Requirement for the day. I am very tired and I desperately need a pain killer. I might be a little concerned for my needing of a pain killer, but let's revisit that next week, ok?

The one thing I will tell you is that today, FINALLY, I heard on the radio the finest holiday song that's ever been recorded: "Same Old Lang Syne" by Dan Fogelberg. It's a tradition that my cousin, my aunt and I have, we all text each other the first time we hear it because it's our song. Normally, I've heard it on the radio by now but obviously I haven't been spending much time driving and listening to the radio.

Anyway, here it is. If you don't like this song, then clearly you hate awesome!

it's christmas time in the city...

2011-12-15T23:33:00.013-05:00

Oh hey, how are ya? I'm chilling at home with a big mug of tea and a percoset, which is just what I needed. I'd gone the whole day without a painkiller and it was way overdue.

Today I was able to sleep late once again, and then I met LesleyMom for lunch and just a little shopping, and after that I needed a nap. I'm so not a nap person, but I get tired very easily right now. The good part is that I have the most difficult person to shop for crossed off my list (it may or may not have been the person with whom I lunched today...) and I got myself a new fancy water bottle. It's a snazzy Camelbak one that will fit in my car's cup holder. I'm easy to please.

And now I'm going to finish my tea, have some cheese, and watch the rest of Conan before bed. Good night!

ching-a ching ching

2011-12-14T23:29:00.048-05:00

That's a line from quite possibly one of the best Christmas songs ever recorded, Dominick the Donkey. I finally heard that song tonight. The Christmas season can now begin!

I feel like making a list. How about five (5) things I can think of to tell you tonight? Great!

1. This morning I slept until 10:30 am. No, really, I did. I can't even remember the last time I did that, but I guess I needed the rest. And today I felt great! I started running out of steam around 9:00 pm, but I had just jellied 120 Linzer Tarts and that can really wear a person out, you know. Now that I'm back at my own home it's a lot easier to sleep in and take naps, so I think over the next week or so I'll just let myself rest as I need to. This is my time to finish getting better.

2. My healing continues, btw. My incision is looking pretty good. Even the seroma site looks not-too-bad, certainly a lot less angry than it looked before my stint in the hospital, but the good doctor was concerned that the seroma could weaken another spot in my incision and bust through it for drainage, so he told me my one task this week is protecting my incision. My lifting restrictions were cut back -- officially, it's nothing more than 10 lbs, but really he said closer to 5 lbs would be better -- and I'm also being more conscious about how I stand. Standing up too straight can be bad for the incision.

3. Today I managed to go to Trader Joe's, as I'd planned to, and picked up a few things so that I won't have to do any cooking, along with twenty cans of Tuna For Cats. I really haven't felt like eating, which leads to not feeling like cooking. I've been making sure I have enough protein shakes so that I can meet my daily protein goal, taking all my vitamins and supplements, and of course drinking plenty of water. As long as I'm feeling pretty good, I think that's enough.

4. Tonight I went to a friend's house to bake sugar-free Christmas cookies, thus why I was tarting up some Linzers. I got a kickass recipe for potato chip cookies, and I think I will be making these in the future. It sounds strange but crushed potato chips plus crushed pecans makes for a very good cookie.

5. I haven't done any Christmas shopping. None. Nothing. Nada. I should probably do something about this tomorrow. I have a very understanding family, which is why I'm not panicking right now, but still, this is a new record, even for my procrastinating ass. Although, I've been just a little preoccupied with other things of late...

That's five. Sleepy time!

drained

2011-12-13T23:59:00.036-05:00

I went today and got drained. I'm sorry if you're squeamish but that's what I did. Thank God that LesleyMom was nice enough to drive me to my appointment, because there was a big needle and I needed painkillers.

All the antibiotics I've been given have taken a toll on me, if you know what I mean. I had to get another prescription just for that, which caused quite a stir at the stupidass 24 hour pharmacy because this new med could be bad if one takes acetaminophen-containing painkillers. Right now, I'm not too worried about my liver, honestly. Just give me my meds!

After my appointment (but before the stupidass pharmacy), LesleyMom and I went to Starbucks, and then back to Casa de LesleyParents so I could sleep off my pain meds and have dinner with the LesleyParents. LesleyMom made some kickass bolognese, btw. I may sneak over to their house tomorrow and steal some of the leftovers, since it's usually even better the next day. I'm happy to say that when it was finally time that I could leave, I succeeded in getting Clementine into the cat carrier and back home! I got her to follow me into the laundry room and once we were in there, I closed the door, pulled the carrier out of the closet, and got her to go in. And she actually quieted down once we were in the car and went to sleep. I think maybe the secret is to use the carrier at night when it's dark. What is it about the cat carrier that turns cats into little feline Mr. T's? I kept imagining her saying "Hannibal, I ain't gettin' in no cat carrier!" Actually, Clementine would make an excellent feline Mr. T. I'm sure she pities fools. As do I.

Today's big project was driving myself to the grocery store for a few essentials. Tomorrow's project will be going to Trader Joe's. Today's trip wasn't too bad -- I felt a little sheepish about asking for help, but the Shoprite people were actually pretty cool about it. I can't lift anything over 10 lbs right now, and I hadn't planned on buying anything heavy, but then once I got to the store I saw that I would get a free case of water for buying two Mio drink mixes, which I needed anyway. I had to get someone to put the water into my cart, then onto the belt (the cashier insisted on scanning it), then back to the cart, then into my trunk (where it will remain). Asking for help like this is no small thing for Miss Independent here.

Time for painkillers and sleep. Peace out, girl scouts.

home, home again, i like to be here when i can...

2011-12-12T23:49:00.008-05:00

Tonight I'm back at Chez Lesleygirl for the first time in four weeks. Well, actually, Luna and I are home. Clementine decided she had better things to do than get in her cat carrier, like hide under the sideboard and china closet, so she's still at Casa de LesleyParents. And this is why she's the Gingah Ninja! I originally thought I'd only need to stay with the 'rents for two weeks, but mine was no ordinary panniculectomy + abodominoplasty. Apparently, getting a blob the size of a kindergartener removed from one's abdomen and then being sewn into a corset of muscle requires some time to recover. Who knew? Also I needed to sleep in a big chair + ottoman for longer than I expected, and we are big chair deficient in my house.

It's weird the things I've noticed now that I'm back at my own house. Like, why is my TV so small? Why don't I have 100 movie channels to watch? Why isn't there a nice Guatemalan lady who comes to clean once a week? I'm not so much concerned about those first two, but believe me, when I go back to work, I am hiring a housekeeper. Housework makes me miserable and cuts into my me-time, and once I'm gainfully employed I will gladly pay someone else to do it!

And now I must sleep. I put away most of the stuff I brought home -- there are still a few things at my parents' house since I can't lift too much -- and after a brief panic when I couldn't find my pain meds, I've settled in quite nicely. Tomorrow afternoon I have another follow up appointment with my surgeon. LesleyMom is going to drive me to it since there's a distinct possibility that it'll involve a big needle (boo!) and narcotics for me (party!) and that'll mean I can't drive myself home. So I may get one last hurrah with the big TV, 100 movie channels and big chair + ottoman after all! We shall see.

Good night.

home again!

2011-12-11T23:24:00.018-05:00

I'm back home!

Well, not my home yet, but my parents' home is almost home for me, especially since my cats are here with me. I couldn't drive home because of all the painkillers so my plan tomorrow is to wake up and drive my stuff, my beasties, and myself home in the morning. This all depends on how my pain level is. The pain level has not been good, let's just say. I have more antibiotics and painkillers to take at home, along with hot compresses.

I was doing my best to stay positive but I'm quite relieved to be out of the hospital. It's very difficult to get A good night's sleep there, and there were far too many people asking me questions about my bowel movements. I had asked the doctor to order Miralax for me on an as-needed basis, however, I had opted not to take it at 6:00 AM and then realized around 6:00 PM that I needed it after all. This caused quite a conundrum and I had to wait two hours while the house doctor and pharmacy were both consulted. Really? All this for an over-the-counter drug? From the same people who were so über-concerned about my ability to go Number Twosers? So yeah, that whole lack of control thing one experiences while in the hospital? I am most definitely nt a fan! Shocking, I know.

I have to give a big shout out to my friend K who was there when the doctor said I could go home, and volunteered to drive me home. I still had my mad meatball craving, and as luck would have it our friend M had made a giant batch of meatballs and invited us over, so I have to give M a shout out too. I am very lucky to have friends who are willing to help me, whether it's by driving my ass around, giving me some comfort food, or even just sending me supportive emails, texts, Facebook posts, and phone calls. It means a lot to me to know people care!

Tomorrow marks four weeks since my surgery. Despite recent events, I still maintain that my recovery is going well. I feel like I'm at about the halfway point. That's right, whoa, I'm halfway there, whoa oh, living' on a prayer!

Good night, loves.

day two

2011-12-10T23:47:00.001-05:00

Yes, I'm still in the hospital, and will most likely remain here another day or two. Jealous? You should be!

Being in the hospital is beyond boring, but today I realized I'm a lucky girl because I had 11 visitors! That's right, 11 people love me enough to come over and try to cheer me up. My friends and family have been excellent about bringing me whatever I need, which is great. When I complained that there was no half & half here so I couldn't drink my coffee, my friend M brought me a big mug of coffee with cream, brewed by her hubs who is Mr. Coffee himself. Seriously, it was a fine cuppa joe and I'm not just saying that because she'll see this! M and another friend K also brought me protein shakes which I'm quite thankful for, as I'm sipping one now. I very much need to supplement my protein now and the hospital's idea of accommodating this was to bring me that Ensure crap. Yeah, and it was Ensure for, wait for it, WEIGHT GAIN! Seriously?!! I'm also a little frustrated with how they're accommodating my meal requests. They seem to not know anything about how one ought to eat post-gastric bypass and/or when one has insulin resistance. I need to get a few things straightened out tomorrow. No one knows more about how I need to eat than I do, thank you very much!

Also, right now I would do some very bad things for some meatballs. And a shower! But not at the same time. That would be weird. I also miss my cats. They've really been such a comfort during my recovery, and I miss waking up from my naps with them snuggled up to me and the way they've been keeping their little kitty vigil to make sure I'm okay.

I really, really appreciate all the well wishes people have sent. I'm doing my best to stay positive during this time, and every little bit of encouragement helps. I'm also not calling it a setback. I prefer what my surgeon said when he told me it's an issue that can happen, and when it does we deal with it. The hospital certainly isn't my favorite place to be, but I know that this is absolutely where I need to be right now. An infection like this is no joke, but I'm not going to think about that either!

Good night. Please keep those good thoughts and prayers coming!

well all righty then

2011-12-09T22:13:00.000-05:00

This post is coming to you LIVE and in technicolor from my hospital bed. Yes, I've been admitted with a post-op infection and seroma.

Last night I went to see my surgeon because the drainage was getting heavier and increasingly putrid. He did a culture and suggested one of the options was to go into the hospital for IV antibiotics. Of course, my first reaction was GOOD GOD, NO HOSPITAL but I agreed to think about it. He asked if I had a fever and I sheepishly said I didn't know because the thermometer had accidentally gone through the washer and dryer and wasn't working.

So last night I went home from that appointment (after stopping to buy more gauze and bandages and a thermometer) and decided to do a little experiment. I avoided all fever reducers (Tylenol, ibuprofen, and Percocet) for a few hours to see if I spiked a fever.

After three hours, I was 102.8. After four hours, I was 104 and had terrible chills, seeing spots feeling lightheaded. I took a dose of painkillers plus Tylenol and left a voicemail at the surgeon's office saying that I thought the hospital was a good idea.

My surgeon's office got things rolling first thing this morning and I've been unbelievably impressed with how well they've taken care of me. I had originally hoped to go back to the surgery center where I had my bypass and reconstructive surgery, but the surgery team felt strongly that I needed to go to the actual hospital in case I needed extra services the surgery center doesn't have, and also I wouldn't need an insurance precertification, which could take a day or two, if I went through the hospital's ER. So off I went, and I was greeted at the door of the ER by one of my surgeon's residents, who got me through the ER in record time and up to a room. That was good because the ER is full of sick people. Gross.

So now here I am, powered by IV antibiotics and morphine. Not sure how many days I'll be here but it shouldn't be too long. Send good, healing thoughts & prayers my way, please.

Peace out, girl scouts!

meh

2011-12-08T23:10:00.007-05:00

I'm sick, people. Fever, chills, a bad infection, and that sort of thing. This is not good.

Send some positive thoughts and prayers, please. I'll keep you posted.

midweek mbr

2011-12-07T23:05:00.003-05:00

Yes, a rare Wednesday Minimum Blog Requirement. I'm having some pain tonight but I can't even complain about it. Overall I am grateful for how well I am healing, and that outweighs any complaints I could possibly have by quite a bit!

Good night.

typical tuesday

2011-12-06T23:32:00.017-05:00

Well, typical for life of late, at least.

Like last Tuesday and the Tuesday before, I went to see my surgeon for a follow-up appointment. And like both of those Tuesday's I'm now in pain from said appointment. This week I had to get some staples removed, and for added fun I was having an issue called a seroma and fixing that involved a very big needle. Very, very big. And also a couple other issues but I won't get into them. They're kinda gross. I've used the word "putrid" more in the last week than in my entire life up to this point. Nice, right? Oh and the staple removal wasn't as horrible as I'd feared. I turned my head away and did my yoga breathing while imagining I was in my happy place (tropical beach, in a chaise lounge under a palapa, looking out at the warm blue water while cute waiters with nice butts bring drinks), and I was able to disassociate myself from the pain.

I was a little upset, I'll admit, about the issues I was having. I thought this was a setback in my recovery and that I wasn't healing well, but Dr. S assured me that they weren't really complications per se, but more like issues that can happen along the way, and if they happen, we deal with them. He said that overall I'm healing well and I should feel good about the progress I've made so far. That was nice to hear because it means that as much as I've hated staying home and resting, it's doing me a world of good.

So now I'm back to resting, recovering, and trying to prevent any future issues. Yes, I have pain tonight but I know it's part of the process and will soon pass.

Time for a pain pill. Goodnight.

ugh

2011-12-05T23:43:00.000-05:00

Can I get a birthday do-over? I have never had so many people try to ruin my day, make me feel bad when I defended myself, and then play the victim. Seriously? How about you just wish me a happy birthday and not shit on my parade? Oh and for added fun, remember I am only three weeks out of major and painful surgery and dealing with some healing/recovery issues, as well as ongoing exhaustion.

It was not a happy day. Next year I may just stay home and stay away from other people, the phone, the iPhone, the iPad, and laptop. Or I may run off to a fabulous all-inclusive for the week.

I'm definitely not putting up with this shit again. I can assure you of that.

happy lesleymas eve!

2011-12-04T23:28:00.011-05:00

Oh it's been quite a weekend, people, and I'm more than a little tired tonight. I think it's safe to say that Lesleymas will involve a lot of resting, although for added fun I do plan to go get bloodwork done (ok, that's not so fun) and swing by Trader Joe's, and the perhaps go out to lunch.

Despite the tired, on this eve of my birthday I feel grateful for many many things, including my family, friends, and most of all, my good health. But I'll say more about all that tomorrow.

Good night, my lovelies.

post-wedding mbr

2011-12-03T23:21:00.000-05:00

I went to a wedding, and I am TIRED!

Minimum Blog Requirement, once again.

Good night.

friday mbr

2011-12-02T23:25:00.001-05:00

I am beyond tired tonight, just in time for the cats to start their midnight crazies. Regardless, I bid you good night. If you need me, contact Clementine and Luna. They'll be up for a while.

Good night.

toothy thursday

2011-12-01T23:41:00.015-05:00

I am very tired tonight. Here's some things I did today, apparently some of these activities were quite exhausting!

- Went to the endodontist for a root canal. I'm not sure what I was smoking when I made this appointment. The tooth that had to be done is lucky number 13 -- top left, three away from the last molar. Getting that tooth root canaled involved being put into the dental chair with my feet higher than my head. Very strange position, and not one I should've been in right now. The good part is that the endodontist is super fast and the whole thing was over in under 45 minutes.

- Stopped by my house for a few things I need. Yes, I'm still not able to stay on my own. I miss my cozy little house. I hope I can go back there after next week's follow up appointment. I'll also have to figure out a way to sleep. I may need to buy a recliner. Hmmm...

- Went to Starbucks for a venti Christmas blend. While there I sneezed for the first time since surgery, and OH MY GOD was that painful. I won't forget my Zyrtec again. Not fun.

- Did a little clothes shopping. I found some much-needed items that were super bargains, but this is when the exhaustion set in. After I shopped for myself I needed to stop at Petsmart. I walked around there hunched over my shopping cart, I'll admit. Ugh.

- Returned to Casa de LesleyParents. Took a big nap. Ate a few bites of lunch, but didn't feel like eating anything so I eventually settled for a protein shake. Snoozed a little more.

- Got dressed and went to a demo party that one of my friends was having at a shop near the gym. Right now my wardrobe options are either Adidas pants or a skirt, so I went with the skirt, along with a very cute top I bought on Black Friday. I was smokin' hot, if I do say so myself. Since I was so close to the gym, I ducked in to say hello to my 6pm Zumba friends. I miss the hell out of my Zumba friends, however, dancing is still one of the last things on my mind right now. It really was great to see everyone, though. People have been so supportive and kind, and are all so happy for me now. I'm just floored by it, actually.

- Went back to the demo party and this is when the bigtime exhaustion set in. I decided to leave, swung by CVS for a few essentials, then went home.

All in all, a lot of activity for my recovering self. One of my former drain sites (the same one that decided to push the drain out on its own) is now leaking quite a bit. LesleyMom helped me bandage it up, and now I think tomorrow I'll stay the hell home and rest so hopefully the leak will stop!

I know I've said it before but this recovery is no joke. And kinda gross, too. I'm just saying.

ouchie

2011-11-30T23:43:00.010-05:00

Yeah, more pain today. I had originally planned to get up and take myself shopping, but even after a good night's sleep, I woke up feeling very sore and ended up taking a 2.5 hour nap. I realized I needed the serious painkillers, so my shopping trip waited until LesleyMom came home. It's still very painful to do a lot of walking. And the nerve pain? I am NOT a fan!!!

Since this is my blog and all, I have a little something to get off my chest. And it's this: I really cannot imagine anything tackier than asking someone who's just had reconstructive surgery how much weight the surgeon removed and what size they now wear. A person should not ask such things. It simply isn't done.

You would not believe how many people have asked me this. They're even asking LesleyMom! Too tacky for words. I may post this little rant on Facebook, even though most of the guilty parties are on there. Let them feel like shit, instead of me.

Oh and for the record, I wear the same size I've always worn: SIZE AWESOME!

progress!

2011-11-29T23:36:00.019-05:00

Today I had another follow-up appointment with my surgeon. And it went very well! He removed my final drain and I can't even tell you how happy I was to see it go!!! The drain was still draining about 50 cc's per day, however because the drain's exit site was oozing, the doctor said it would be better to remove the drain and then if needed he can drain any fluid buildup at next week's appointment. I'm thinking that that will probably involve some sort of needle, however I am choosing not to think of that!

The surgeon also said that he's thrilled with how well I'm healing and that I'm doing better than he had expected. Aww! I told him that when I've recovered a little more we can talk about which procedure I need to have done next, but he said not to worry, and that he thinks that having my abdomen taken care of will already make a huge difference for me. Well, yeah! And then some!

I'm sore again tonight from what they did my incision (don't ask) and I'm also starting to get some nerve pain, which feels like little electric bolts running through my abs. I guess the nerves in my muscles are waking up and starting to say "hey, what the hell did you do to us, homeskillet?" Yikes. So during this coming week, my job will be to rest, keep my feet up so my incision heals and my drain sites close, and manage my pain. Will do!

Good night. Peace out, girl scouts.

monday mbr

2011-11-28T23:32:00.000-05:00

Everything hurts tonight. And I mean EVERYTHING! My giant, almost-circumferential incision, my drain exit, my newly tightened muscles, everything! I think I've probably overdone it the last few days so I'll do my best to take it easy tomorrow. And the next day.

I just hope I have the patience for it!!!

Good night.

sunday roundup

2011-11-27T23:59:00.030-05:00

Oh yeah, about yesterday's blog? Well, I didn't write it. Let's just say that a certain high school reunion attended by yours truly had an open bar and hardly any food. Certainly not the buffet dinner we were promised! By the end of the night, I think the entire party had been flagged by the bartenders so that no matter what we ordered we were handed a solo cup of water. Yes, I'm 38 years old and I've been flagged by the Elks. Am I proud of that? Why yes, yes I am!

I'm proud to say that I felt good enough to stay at the reunion and then to also go to the after-party. However, this morning, I was really feeling it and I rested as much as possible, took painkillers (I had skipped them yesterday so I could have some tasty beverages at the reunion), and kept the heating pad on my back for a good part of the day. I've had a lot of lower back pain because of the whole walking-like-Quasimodo thing. The exhaustion was totally worth it, though. I enjoy reunions, and I'll admit that I loved showing off my new bod, and I was really touched by how many people said such kind things to me about my weight loss, and told me that I inspired them to work out and eat healthfully. Me? An inspiration? Never thought I'd hear those words!

Tonight one of my besties was going to visit and bring me dinner, but I once again felt the need to OMG JUST GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, so I had my sister drop me off at PF Chang's -- Painkiller Lesley is not allowed to drive, you see. It was fun actually going out to dinner for a change but right now I enjoy anything that makes me feel "normal!" Plus, I love those chicken lettuce wraps. I need to figure out how to make those at home.

We spent a long time chatting over dinner and then after dinner as well, and it gave me a lot to think about. I keep saying that 2011 is my year of transitions and I'm thinking that there are a few more changes I need to make in my life very soon. Good changes, though. To me, at least. Not sure how popular my choices will be with other people, but hey, they're MY CHOICES. As JBJ sings "it's my life!"

Good night.

friday mbr

2011-11-25T23:52:00.001-05:00

Oh yes, it's a Minimum Blog Requirement kinda night. Today I managed to once again drive my car (not sure who moved my seat so far back!), run a few errands, and go to the mall with LesleyMom for a cute outfit for my HS reunion, and all that activity wore me the hell out!

So good night, my lovelies.

more thankful

2011-11-24T23:24:00.014-05:00

Thanksgiving was lots of fun, but any holiday with the LesleyFamily is lots of fun, as you can imagine. I don't have much to say tonight. I'm feeling better each day but still having some pain and I'm managing it as best I can. I'm sure I've said this before but this surgery was no joke. I'm very grateful for how well I'm healing and how nice the results look so far and I realize I'm only about ten days out from surgery, but this is a much rougher recovery than my weight loss surgery was. With that surgery, I didn't even feel like I'd had surgery at all! This time, I'm quite aware. And also quite thankful that I have much more time to recover afterward. There's no way I could go back to work two weeks after surgery, like I did before. Today I managed to take a shower (sort-of) and wash my hair all by myself, and just doing that totally wiped me out and left me needing a nap. True story.

In other nerws, I have a conundrum and I need some helpful advice from people who actually like me and want what's best for me, but I'm not sure how much I feel like writing about it here. I'm still mulling it over in my mind. More later. Maybe.

Good night. Peace out, girl scouts.

thankful

2011-11-23T23:17:00.001-05:00

How am I thankful? Let me count the ways...

I am thankful for:

My family
My friends, especially those who are like family
My health
My commitment to exercise and nutrition
My reconstructive surgery
Clementine & Luna

And a whole lot of other things! Yes, I'm another year older since last Thanksgiving and certainly didn't expect to be out of a job at this point in my life, but deep down I know that all will be well and I will come out of this on top and in fact in a better place than I was in before or could have dreamed of before. I know this for sure, and for that I am thankful.

Good night, and Happy Thanksgiving!

progress!

2011-11-22T23:32:00.001-05:00

And it's good progress!

I went to the surgeon for my first follow up appointment today. I finally got to see what my abdomen looks like and, well, it's pretty fabulous! I was shocked to see the size of my main incision, as it's almost circumferential, if you can believe that.

The surgeon is very happy with my progress, wants me to stay on the same restrictions and up my protein intake, and he removed one of my drains. He also, with the help of a very nice resident doctor, changed all the dressings on my incisions and now tonight I'm feeling it. Big time.

You see, with this surgery I feel as though I've been sewn into a corset made of muscle which I can't take off, since they're my muscles and all. It feels like the corset has been tightened and my big incision is killing me.

So instead of writing more, I'm going to pop some painkillers and go to bed. Good night!

it's been one week

2011-11-21T23:10:00.000-05:00

It's been a whole week since my surgery. Today was yet another day of resting and recovering. I actually took two naps today, which is something I never do, but I figured my body needed the rest. Rest is good!

Tomorrow I'll see the surgeon for a follow-up. I'm very excited for this.

Tune in tomorrow...

getting better

2011-11-20T23:34:00.029-05:00

I'll be perfectly honest with you: this weekend was rough. I was starting to really question why I had done this to myself, and then regret having done this to myself. And then crying because I regretted doing this to myself, and feeling sorry for myself and like nothing will ever be good. Also, I felt lonely and isolated, which is an awful feeling for me. I'm someone who's very social and who likes to go and do and being stuck in one place doesn't suit me at all.

My mood improved today, though. I had a visit from my oldest nephew & niece, then a friend came bearing gifts, and another friend came by bearing Starbucks. Going through something like this is very interesting. It shows you which people are really serious when they promise to visit or say that they want to help, and which people are blowing smoke up my skirt. I really don't get the whole blowing smoke thing. Why even say it? Why tell me you're going to come by and then come up with a bunch of excuses that will look mighty flimsy after I check Facebook and see what else you've been up to. If someone told me "I have no intention of visiting you but I'll send you a funny text or two," well that I can actually respect. However, as I get older I realize more and more that what I really want is just for people to be straight with me. Whatever the truth is, that's what I want to know.

Of course, during this week I've also terribly missed some of my best girls who live far away. I know you'd visit and bring me Starbucks and/or boxed wine if you could, ladies!

Tomorrow will be another day of resting, resting, painkillers, and more resting. The more I rest, the better I feel so I'll do my best to just take it easy. Good night.

saturday mbr

2011-11-19T23:49:00.001-05:00

I don't feel like blogging, no sir, no blogging today.

Come back tomorrow.

baby steps

2011-11-18T23:47:00.017-05:00

Baby steps, baby steps. One of the good things about staying at my parents' house is that they get every premium movie channel so there's always a big selection of movies to watch, including many which I've already seen, and that's good because in my painkillered state I can't follow much. "What About Bob?" is on now and it's reminding me to just make baby steps toward my goals. Hey, whatever works, right?

I'd love to report that I'm doing just super but really I'm not. This recovery is very, very tough. And I am no wimp. After my weight-loss surgery I went home with a huge bottle of painkillers and only took one dose, and that was so I could get to sleep the first night. This time, I've been taking the maximum dose and have already called for a refill. I'm trying to remind myself that it's wise to effectively manage one's pain, and that if I'm in pain I should take the meds, and that I'm not wimping out by taking them. It's hard. I realize that I just had some very major and quite invasive surgery, yet it kills me that it's going to take some time to recover.

Baby steps.

I expected to have some post surgery blues, and adding PMS to that mix really wasn't all that pleasant. I feel very isolated and lonely because I have to stay at home so much and I hate that I'm not even in my own home. I guess what makes it harder is that I didn't feel all that bad before surgery. I mean, I knew I needed to get this done to treat some health problems the excess skin was causing me, but on the worst day my pain level was maybe a 6 or 7, on a scale of 1 to 10. This feels more like a 100.

This, too, shall pass I know. I just need to keep doing what I need to do, getting plenty of rest, etc.

Baby steps!

short and sweet

2011-11-17T23:42:00.000-05:00

I said this on Facebook, and I'll say it again here. Today was an up and down kind of day. However, I am quite grateful for friends who come bearing Starbucks (you know who you are, xoxo) and for LesleyMom for driving me to the surgeon's office to pick up a new script for pain meds, since apparently the stuff I need is too strong to be prescribed over the phone.

Tomorrow will be yet another day of resting and healing. I'm getting a little tired of being so helpless, tired, and home bound, but I must recover. This will soon all be worth it, right?

Good night.

better every day

2011-11-16T23:39:00.020-05:00

I'm glad to say that I'm continuing to feel better and improve. I still have some pain that's severe at times but it's manageable with painkillers. Some different things hurt today, like my belly button, but I'm sure it's part of the process. It's getting easier to take a deep breath but it still hurts like hell to cough. I'm doing my Lesley bestest to try, though, because I don't want to get the pneumonia.

I had a few visitors today which also perked up my spirits. My sister came over with my two younger nephews, and my friend M visited later *and* brought me some Starbucks! Woo hoo! Other than that, I spent a lot of the day watching movies, napping, emptying my drains, napping, shuffling around like Quasimodo, and more napping. Luna has been a velcro-kitty since I came home Fromm the hospital and spent the day napping with me and following me around. I think she may even know seething is up and that I'm not feeling well. Weird.

But now it's time for more painkillers and hopefully a good night's sleep. Be well, friends.

home again

2011-11-15T23:59:00.010-05:00

Well not to my own home, but I was discharged from the hospital today and am now staying with the LesleyParents for a week or two. On the way home from the hospital, LesleyMom and I stopped at Starbucks of course. After two days of crappy hospital coffee I was quite grateful for my sugar-free nutella latte!

Overall, I really can't complain. I feel much better than I expected to and I'm thrilled with the surgery results already, even though I'm still in a binder and have three drains in my abdomen. I'm still figuring out how to best manage my pain and I've decided that at least for the next few days I'll take my pain meds right on schedule, rather than waiting until I feel I need them. Once it starts hurting, it's very hard to break out of the pain cycle.

I've been truly overwhelmed at the show of support and love I've gotten from so many people in my life. It really means the world to me!

I'll post some photos soon, I promise. But for now it's time for painkillers and sleep! Good night.

yay!

2011-11-14T21:16:00.001-05:00

yay!
Originally uploaded by lesleygirl

Surgery went well and I'm ecstatic! Greetings from Morphineville, population ME!

one more sleep

2011-11-13T23:59:00.011-05:00

Well it's almost time, people! In a few hours, the LesleyParents will drive me over the river to the surgery center. I have to be there at 7:45 so I'm guessing that my surgery time will be around 10:00. I will update my Facebook and Twitter as soon as I can but I don't think it will be until the evening.

Now I need to attempt to sleep. Wish me luck with that. I'm too excited to sleep!

Good night.

almost there

2011-11-12T23:58:00.007-05:00

Almost there. Two more sleeps, and all that.

I have a few things to take care of tomorrow, but I'm feeling good about it. I have to do some laundry, finish packing, and swing by CVS and Shoprite. So I'll definitely have time to get myself to one last Zumba class. I can't believe I'm going to have to be Zumba-less for about six weeks. Actually, I don't want to talk about it! It makes me too sad!!!

But I must sleep. There is MUCH to do tomorrow! Good night.

three more sleeps

2011-11-11T23:20:00.012-05:00

Oh it's coming down to the wire now, people!

Today I got the call that I have to be at the surgery center Monday morning at 7:45 AM. Not bad. Of course, this means that I need to get up around 5:00 so I can take my thyroid medicine. I really hope I can get some sleep Sunday night!

Tonight I went out with some of my friends for a girls' night out. Happy hour with some wine, then my favorite bacon & bleu cheese burger. My friends commented on how relaxed I am now. And it's true, I am feeling rather chill. I really do believe that I owe it to the guided meditation I've been doing.

And now, I must sleep. I have a full to-do list for tomorrow, but nothing too overwhelming. I need to get some cat food and a cartridge for the self-cleaning litter box (important!) and then I need to stop and pick up my post-surgical prescriptions (very important!!!), among other things.

Good night.

thankful thursday

2011-11-10T23:07:00.002-05:00

I am thankful for many things this Thursday! So thankful that I'm giving you an MBR (minimum blog requirement) post.

Tune in tomorrow...

it's the final countdown...

2011-11-09T23:20:00.012-05:00

I passed my EKG (as I knew I would). This means Monday is a GO!!!

I did my before pictures tonight. Fully-clothed and semi-clothed. My friend M took them, and my friend B was there for moral support. There are very, VERY few people in this world who I could ask to do such a thing, and I'm glad we were together tonight!

I also had a massage today, which was heavenly and definitely got a lot of the stress out of my back and my legs. The massage therapist said that my leg muscles were very tight, and I explained that I'm pretty much the Zumba Queen and she said that any kind of dance will do that. I think once I've recovered from surgery and am once again gainfully employed, I'll get massages on a more regular basis. I think it would help the heel and knee issues I've had, too. Although I'm pretty sure that the knee issue will resolve after next week's surgery.

There is so much to do before Monday. Tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up bright and ugly to tackle my to-do list. I'm hoping to do most of the running around tomorrow and Friday so that I can chill out this weekend. We shall see!

Five more sleeps.

tell it to ya tuesday

2011-11-08T23:06:00.017-05:00

If you're looking for a blog about something than my upcoming surgery, then you should probably stop by in a few weeks. However, if you want to hear all about it, then this is the place for you!

I had my pre-op appointment with the surgeon, and everything went well. He answered my questions, gave me my prescriptions so I can have them filled before Monday, and gave me a letter to get out of federal jury duty. I also signed a bunch of forms, and was given a lot of the discharge information. I'm still not clear on whether or not I have an overnight stay in the hospital approved yet. I'd prefer to stay at least one night, but I'll see what they say. The approval says it's "ambulatory" but the dates of service are 11/14 - 11/15. I'm wondering if it's one of those situations where you can stay 23 hours, but nothing more, and it's still considered ambulatory. I guess I'd better find out!

Not only was this appointment great, but I was done in time to get to the morning Zumba class. WIN!

Tomorrow I have to go get an EKG (the final hurdle, thankyouverymuch) and then in the early afternoon I'm going to use a Groupon to get a massage and foot treatment. I have no idea what a foot treatment is, but hey, I'll take it! After that I'm going to bake a ricotta pie and then go hang with my support group. I'm planning on Thursday and Friday both being a flurry of activity so it'll be nice to chill out a little tomorrow.

For now? Sleep! Six more sleeps until surgery!

breathe, just breathe...

2011-11-07T23:08:00.043-05:00

Oh my, people. Today's been a very good day. That pulmonary function test I was all Nervy McNervouspants about? Well, it went very VERY well. I will explain.

I've been asthmatic for a very long time. While I knew that my asthma had greatly improved, since I no longer needed two of the daily meds I had to take and hardly ever use my rescue inhaler, I wasn't sure the degree to which this was true.

First, the whole hospital experience was pretty awesome. I was able to find a good parking spot (although I'll admit it was one of those non-spots that makes me glad I drive a Beetle!), and the admitting people saw me right away. As I was getting registered my phone started to ring, and my ringtone right now is La Vida Es Un Carnaval, which is a super fun salsa and one of my favorite Zumba songs. Seriously, I challenge you to listen to it and not dance! The hospital admitting girl heard it and said "Are you Spanish?" and I said no, it's a Zumba song and I'm a Zumba instructor. She said she's been meaning to try Zumba, and we started chatting about the different dances, and music, etc. She told me she's Latina and thinks it's great that so many of us non-Latinas are embracing Spanish music. I said I come from a very proud tradition of Irish-Italian salsa dancers.

After that, I went up to the pulmonary lab and then the real fun began. I had to do two sets of tests: one done under normal circumstances, and one done after four hits of an inhaler. After the first set, the pulmonary tech told me that my breathing is... wait for it... NORMAL. She said the patterns didn't look asthmatic at all. She asked if I was sure I needed the second set of tests, but I said if Dr. F ordered them, we have to do them. I wasn't about to do anything that could prevent my getting a pulmonary clearance for surgery! So we did the second set, and she said that my post-inhaler results were even better. After I was done, I filled out my paperwork while the tech faxed my test results to Dr. F.

I can't even begin to tell you what a huge, giant, awesome relief it was to get this news. It means that not only will I get my pulmonary clearance, but I'm no longer someone who has to fight to breathe. I'm quite sure that I owe this victory to my commitment to cardio and Zumba, and I'm feeling very VERY good about the fact that I've made exercise a priority in my life and I've stuck with it.

Now tomorrow morning I have to see my surgeon bright and early for a pre-op appointment, then Wednesday morning I have my final hurdle, an EKG. Keep those good thoughts and prayers coming, please!!!

Seven more sleeps until surgery...

sunday seven

2011-11-06T23:31:00.000-05:00

Why? Oh why not!

1. The LesleyMom has a very bad case of bronchitis right now, which has me a little worried. LesleyMom hardly ever gets sick. I told her that I couldn't stop by Casa de LesleyParents because I can't risk getting it myself before my stupid pulmonary function test tomorrow, and more importantly, my surgery next Monday. So send some healing vibes to my mama, people!

2. The surgery anxiety has found its way into my dreams. Last night I dreamed that I got to the hospital and realized I'd forgotten to take my special pre-surgery antibacterial shower, so I asked if I could use their shower, but when I got into a locker room-type place they had, I ate a protein bar without thinking about how I need to be NPO before surgery (that means nothing to eat after midnight the night before). I then woke up and googled what can happen if one eats before surgery. Not good! So now I've made up my mind to eat something light and easy to digest for dinner the night before. And to avoid any protein bars. And locker rooms.

3. I also had a dream that I was fighting a python with just a stick, like a broomstick. It was an angry python, but I wasn't scared, I was just giving it hell with the stick. Yeah, don't read too much into that one, people.

4. Since I had to cut my carbs way down recently, I had to cut out the occasional hot apple cider. Well, today at the grocery store I saw Celestial Seasonings cinnamon apple spice tea and thought it sounded interesting. Interesting indeed! I added a few drops of liquid splenda to it, and it's definitely rockin' that whole hot cider thing, except without all those pesky carbs. I'm giving it a Lesleygirl endorsement. You heard it here first!

5. I made a giant pot of giambotta (vegetable stew) today. While eating it I once again concluded that eggplant is pretty awesome. Zucchini and fire-roasted tomatoes are pretty snazzy, too.

6. As I said yesterday, listening to retro music from my younger days is very relaxing. Incidentally, I don't think I have changed the CDs in my car's CD changer since 2004 or 2005, so I had a ready supply of retro music when I got in the car, and rocked out to the Finn Brothers and Rachel Yamagata while I was out driving. I was in a very experimental music phase in those years. Plus, both Rachel and the Finns really do kick some ass.

7. I have a pulmonary function test tomorrow so please, wish me luck with that action. I have to go to the hood to have it done (ugh) and if I don't pass it, bad things will happen. Bad things I'm not going to think about right now!

That's seven (7). Time for bed. Eight more sleeps until surgery.

but not a real green dress, that's cruel

2011-11-05T23:14:00.008-04:00

Today was a day of cleaning, preparing, organizing, with just a tiny (really, insignificantly tiny) amount of surgery fretting. I am making progress in that area, but I'll write more about that later. In an effort to help myself relax, I've been listening to music that reminds me of when I was young and carefree, and that's also helping. And from the subject line, you can probably guess that I was listening to BNL today, and you'd be right! Ding, ding! Circle gets the square!

I was going to relax tomorrow but unfortunately, since I have to go get the stupid-ass pulmonary function testing done on Monday, Monday's tasks have been moved to Sunday.

Nine more sleeps. Assuming that I actually do sleep...

emotional rollercoaster, emotional merry-go-round, emotional tea cups...

2011-11-04T23:33:00.078-04:00

I hate the phrase "emotional rollercoaster", however today I'm making an exception. This day certainly felt like one. And not just a rollercoaster, but a merry-go-round, the tea cups... oh hell, even an emotional funnel cake stand!

This morning, I was sipping coffee while returning emails and perusing job boards, when my phone rang. It was my surgeon's office calling to say that the surgery center has now decided that they need a pulmonary clearance (because I have the asthma) as well as an EKG + health history. Not sure why I need the EKG since I passed a cardio clearance, including a nuclear stress test three years ago, but if I don't have both of these done, my surgery could be cancelled. Even typing that just now made me want to sob uncontrollably. Oh and what makes this even worse (in my book, at least) is that when I went there on Monday for my pre-admission testing, I told them that I'd just had a sleep study and could get a copy of the report, and was told "oh no, that's not needed." Oh really?

The person who called from my surgeon's office was very nice, and started telling me the name of a practice I could go to for the pulmonary clearance. It was a sleep medicine practice. I asked if I could just call my own sleep doctor and get this clearance from her. She said most likely, so I called the sleep doctor. But I'll get back to that in a moment.

As for the EKG + health history, I could go to my usual primary care practice, but I figured the path of least resistance would be to see the surgery center's house doctor. I didn't really like him when I had my last surgery there. He creeped me out, plus his office tried to bill me for a copay for every visit he made to me in the hospital and I ended up making several phone calls, faxing them benefits explanations showing that I owed $0 for that service, and basically just telling them to get bent. But, like I said, it's the path of least resistance. I'm going to see him on Wednesday. And I anticipate no problems with that.

So like I said, I called the sleep doctor's office, had my surgeon's office fax them a form, and since I was about to either go crazy or dive face-first into a vat of Ben & Jerry's from the stress I was feeling, I instead opted to go to a Zumba class. Incidentally, the gym's ventilation system was not working so the studio felt like a steam room, and I sweated like a beast. I have to say, though, it was a good sweat. It felt very, very cathartic even though I could pretty much wring out my Under Armour by the end of it.

After the gym, I returned home, got back to my emails, and told myself all will be well. The sleep doctor's office called me back and said that I would have to have a pulmonary function test, and that they were scheduling them in their office and the first opening was the second week of December. Also, they said I'd have to come see Dr. F and maybe she'd clear me without the test, but her first appointment was next Friday. I had no doubt in my mind that if I told my surgeon I wouldn't have pulmonary clearance until Friday that my surgery would be cancelled. So of course what I was thinking was "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???" but instead I very calmly said that I had just seen Dr. F, she knows my history, she knows how I have waited for this surgery and how much I need it, and that I'm quite sure that something else could be worked out. The whole time I was very nicely explaining this, I was still telling myself "stay calm, all will be well." I got off the phone and said a few Hail Marys and stopped myself from thinking about the fact that getting these tests done mid-December would mean a January surgery date at best. Nope. Not thinking about it. Although I did briefly think about how if a solution were not worked out quickly, I was going to hop into my little car and drive over to their office and explain it in person.

About ten minutes later, my phone rang and this time it was Dr. F herself!!! She told me that I could get the test I needed done on MONDAY if I was willing to go to another campus in the hospital system. Um, yeah, I believe that can be arranged. And, even better, she said that as long as the test results were good, she would sign off on the pulmonary clearance right away since she had just seen me. She told me not to worry because she was sure it would go well, and said "of course you know how to breathe, you're a Zumba instructor!"

So this day started out as stress-filled, aggravating, and upsetting, but it ended well. Around dinner time, I picked up my friend K, stopped for Chipotle and then went to visit our friend M who'd just had a similar surgery to mine done, and I was so happy to see her doing so well. It put my mind at ease, actually, because I thought "ok, I can see myself doing this." There is light at the end of the surgery tunnel!

I won't feel 100% at ease until both of these clearances are officially checked off but that should be by Wednesday. Please keep sending me positive thoughts!!! All will be well. Ten more sleeps until surgery.

Good night.

thursday minimum blog requirement

2011-11-03T23:21:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I blogged. And this is all I feel like writing.

Good night!

so no one told you life was gonna be this way...

2011-11-02T23:59:00.020-04:00

Why yes, I am writing this as I watch "Friends" on Nick at Nite. What else would I be watching?

I'm feeling like I should MBR things tonight, although I'll probably end up rambling enough for an Actual Non-MBR Blogpost.

I have a lot of things on my mind, you see. And it's all feeling rather disorganized. I didn't sleep well last night (apparently that sudafed I took around 11:00 pm was a bad idea, but I'm no longer stuffy so I can live with that!), and I know I'm feeling a little stressed. As I've said before, I'm anxious about my upcoming surgery. And I really hate it when people tell me "don't be". Oh okay, it's that easy? Hearing that all will be well doesn't change the fact that I feel anxious now. I think I'm going to do what I did for my last major surgery and ask the anesthesiologist to make me as goofy as possible. After I sign the consent forms, that is.

Oh and I'm also re-instituting another rule I had after my bypass: after surgery, when you see me, the first thing out of your mouth after "hello" should be "you look fabulous!" Actually, this is not just for people I'll see -- phone, text, Facebook, and email are under this rule as well.

That's all I can think of. I really, REALLY need to get some sleep now.

typical tuesday

2011-11-01T23:22:00.070-04:00

Some things you would have done today if you were me. Which you're not. But if you were...

Upon waking, had a brief moment of "hey, who let these cats into my house?!!" I love my little beasties but now that the weather got cold, Luna has taken to sleeping in the crook of my legs (I'm a side sleeper) and Clementine was doing her usual "Yay, human is up and will feed us!" dance and meow-fest. I do love my little beasties though, which is good because as it turns out I'm the one who let them into my house.

I realized that I was out of K-cups (the horror!) but I have that reusable K-cup thingy, and I had some ground coffee that I unearthed recently so I was able to make coffee. Crisis averted! The ground coffee was part of a Starbucks gift pack that I had gotten for Christmas but hadn't even looked at since then. Yeah, that really wasn't a happy time. I'm looking forward to actually being able to enjoy the holidays and my birthday this year. The whole recovery-from-surgery thing will be a walk in the park compared to what I was dealing with last year.

I drank a protein shake and then went to Zumba. I enjoyed some post-Zumba chitchat. All of my Zumba peeps are crazy excited that I have my surgery scheduled and a few told me today that they'll keep me in their prayers, and asked if they can get updates about how I'm doing. I am overwhelmed with how supportive people are being to me, but that's another blog that I'll write another day.

The rest of the day involved things like going to Trader Joes, sending out resumes (God help me if anyone wants to interview me during the week of the 14th!), doing some things around the house, and making a lot of phone calls. Nothing too exciting. One of the phone calls, however, was from the surgery center where I'm going, letting me know that I was right (ha!) and I don't have a copay. I told them to make sure that's in my chart because I'm not going to argue over that on the morning of my surgery.

I also did some bad Googling. The surgery itself freaks me out, since I have a panniculus that is quite epic, but the general anesthesia scares me too. The last time I had general anesthesia was during my weight-loss surgery, and waking up from that as a morbidly obese person with severe asthma was no fucking picnic. I know that I'm healthy and strong now, but it still makes me anxious. Yeah, I really need the next 12 days to pass quickly!

After all of that, I iced my sore heel. Achilles tendinitis, I has it. It might not be the worst thing in the world that I have to take some time off from the gym. I figure that'll give my heel time to, well, heal.

That's all I can think of right now. Peace out, girl scouts.

pre-admission testing? CHECK!

2011-10-31T23:15:00.057-04:00

I'm in a numbered-list kind of mood. Bear with me.

1. My day started with the aforementioned pre-admission testing. Well, actually, I had to fast for two hours before said testing, so I woke up at 4:45 and took my thyroid medicine. Since I can't eat for an hour after I take that, I went back to bed until 5:45, and got up and ate breakfast before 6:00.

2. I arrived for my tests. I peed in a cup, then I was given wrong information about having to pay a copay, which was a little aggravating and once again made me think that the world would truly be a better place if people just listened to me. I was told that I had a $744 copay and after repeatedly stating that this is not correct, that I don't pay copays on surgery or hospitalizations, I gave up. This afternoon when I came home I called my insurance company and they're straightening it out. I mean, $744 is a drop in the bucket compared to what my surgery will cost, but still, I'm not paying money I don't owe!

3. The testing then continued with bloodwork. The first vampire stuck me twice and had no luck. She was very apologetic but I assured her that I am well aware of my bad veins, plus it was freezing in there which didn't help. I joked that the good thing is that I could never be a heroin addict, which made her laugh. The second vampire got a good vein and they were able to collect the many tubes of blood that they needed. He noticed my birthdate on my hospital wristband, told me that he was a Sagittarius too, and that Sags always get along with other Sags. Like I didn't know that already. I really hope that this bloodwork shows that my iron levels are good. I will be VERY disappointed if I have to delay surgery to get more g.d. iron infusions!

4. Following the blood letting, I had to meet with the nurse. I gave her a list of the meds and vitamins that I take, and she asked me about 100 different questions. Do you smoke? Do you smoke weed? Do you feel safe in your home? Is anyone in your home abusing you? (Who, the cats???) Have you ever had MRSA? And on and on. Then I was given a special sponge to shower with the morning of surgery, a bunch of directions for the day of surgery, and some literature on pain control and fall prevention.

5. I was done around 10:15, and as I got in my car I thought "Whoa! Shit just got real!!!" As a reward for being a good girl during my tests, I treated myself to Starbucks (my usual grande two pump sugar-free vanilla latte, along with an egg white feta spinach wrap), played a few rounds of Plants vs. Zombies on my iPad, and did a little reading.

6. Visited a local Petco for the Gather Cat Supplies item on my to-do list. I bought some food, a lot of litter, and a new cat bed so they won't fight over the one cat bed in the house now. I had originally bought that cat bed for Clementine when she was a kitten, but she showed no interest in it at all until Luna came to live with us and took a liking to it. Interesting.

7. Made my way back to the Jersey side (oh yeah, the surgery center I'm going to is in Pennsylvania) and stopped at the post office to mail a few things. I bought stamps, although I regret buying them already. I feel like what always happens is that I'll buy a book of stamps, use one or two, and then I can't find them. I should just buy one or two at a time but I didn't want to wait in line and the automated machine doesn't sell loosies, only books. See, that's how they get you.

8. Finally I came home and did some things around the house. Busy busy. And now I'm tired. I really don't do well on days when I have to wake up uber-early and get myself somewhere important. I kept waking up and thinking "Is it time yet?" Not good!

Good night, my dears.

sunday surgery brain

2011-10-30T23:13:00.019-04:00

I have a few things I'd like to write about, however, I need to get to bed so that I can wake up bright & ugly tomorrow morning for my pre-admission testing (PATs). I am hoping all goes well and that my iron levels are good. I've spent the last five days eating every piece of red meat I could get my hands on (my cholesterol is low, don't worry) and taking big doses of my iron supplements.

Today started out with some Surgery Brain comedy. I woke up around 8:00 AM, looked at the clock and immediately thought "OMG I AM LATE FOR MY PATs!!!" I bounded out of bed, and did a Muppet Panic run to the bathroom. Ya know that run that Kermit the Frog used to do with his arms flailing? That was me. Clementine followed me in there, as she does every morning, and I yelled at her "Why didn't you wake me up?!!" Most mornings she starts meowing for her breakfast around 7:00 but today was the one day she let me sleep. I then ran to the kitchen so I could feed the cats and start pounding water (a must-do for me before bloodwork) when suddenly I remembered that yesterday had been Saturday and so today was indeed Sunday.

Yeah, I blame Surgery Brain.

So now I must sleep. I'm only required to fast for two hours before tomorrow's tests, so I'm planning to wake up obscenely early to take my thyroid meds, then sleep for an hour, then wake up again and eat breakfast, then doze for a little bit before it's time to wake up for realsies and drive over to the surgery center. Maybe I should leave myself a note on my nightstand saying "YES, it *is* Monday!"

Two more weeks of Surgery Brain. I can do this.

Good night.

snowtober!

2011-10-29T23:17:00.042-04:00

Yeah, those of us here on the east coast got some early winter weather. I don't get it, either. I'll just say that I did NOT move back to New Jersey for this! I thought I left this behind in Minnesota!

I figured that heavy wet snow / rain + fallen leaves = way too slippery to drive so I stayed home all day. It was pretty nice. I got caught up on some things on my DVR, got some things done around the house, and did a lot of reading. Not too shabby, really.

And I'll admit, I did spend some time researching surgery info, but it was actually helpful. I'll feel better if I know what to expect. Also, here's the thing: before I got approved, I thought my insurance would only pay for a panniculectomy, which is removal of skin and tissue below one's navel. However, they actually approved not only a panniculectomy, but also abdominoplasty (more commonly known as a tummy tuck). I hadn't even thought about that yet, so I wasn't at all sure what to expect. In abdominoplasty, they do more for the upper abs, and the rectus abdominis (or "six-pack") is sutured back together.

So my research has led me to believe that the first week after surgery will be no fucking picnic. I'm going to recuperate at Casa de LesleyParents, and I'm thinking it'll be a week of lying on the big chair with an ottoman, taking a lot of painkillers, and watching movies. I'm hoping that I feel a little closer to fully human during the second week, especially since Thanksgiving is 10 days afterward.

I haven't yet decided what I'll do with the cats. I think I'll stay with my parents for about two weeks after surgery. I could leave the cats at home and then check on them a few times, but I think I'd feel better having them there with me. LesleyMom said to bring them, but I told her I think we'd have to do a practice run. Clementine has stayed at their house, you see, but Luna never has and she can be quite a handful. So one afternoon in the next two weeks, I'll bring her over there for a few hours and see what she does. If she's bad with knocking things over and jumping onto things that she shouldn't, then I think the felines will stay home alone.

See? So many details. But I know everything will come together in the next two weeks. You see that? TWO WEEKS. In fact, I have my pre-admission testing on Monday. I'm sure it'll all start feeling very real once that's done. Crazy!

Good night.

surgery brain

2011-10-28T23:59:00.025-04:00

I have Surgery Brain. I vaguely remember writing a similar blog about three years and three months ago. What is Surgery Brain? Well, it's causing me to not be able to remember shit because my brain is preoccupied with The Surgery.

This morning I could not, for the life of me, remember if I had taken one of the meds I take in the morning. Normally I have a routine but this morning I just couldn't remember if this morning's routine had in fact involved taking said med. And I couldn't take it again because I didn't want to get some crazy overdose side effect just in case I'd already taken it. But if I didn't take it at all there could be other side effects. UGH.

I posted a message on a support group board that I have with a few friends and said that I was planning to remedy the Surgery Brain by buying "one of those pill thingies that's for pills with the different places." Of course I didn't go get it today, but I'm going to feel mighty cool strolling into my local CVS or Walmart and saying "Um, I need one of those pill thingies. You know, for pills? So I won't forget? One of those!"

The last time I suffered from Surgery Brain, two weeks before surgery I felt like I was working with half a brain, and then during the last week I felt like I had a quarter brain. I also feel super emotional right now. I'll say more about that later, though for now I will just say that I am really quite touched by how many people are so excited for me, and how many have offered to help me after surgery. But I can't write about it now or I'll get all verklemmt!

Well anyway, my Surgery Brain and I are going to bed. Good night.

breaking news

2011-10-27T15:58:00.002-04:00

My surgery is SCHEDULED! November 14th. OMG!!!

More later. I am so happy happy HAPPY!!!

well, it's official

2011-10-26T23:26:00.002-04:00

Last week I had a verbal approval for my much-needed surgery, but today my nurse case manager called and said it's officially approved. OFFICIALLY! My surgeon's office is supposed to call me to schedule, but I'll call them if I don't hear by noon.

So that's happy news. And now let the planning and list-making begin!

I'm tired. All this happy wore me out. Good night.

tell it to you tuesday, again

2011-10-25T23:26:00.017-04:00

Oh I've totally used that title before. Well, bear with me.

I figured out why I was feeling so gross and tired last night. I'm pretty sure I had some sort of GI virus and since I can't really throw up anymore, it took the form of pain and tiredness. Not too bad, really, although the time I spent googling gall bladder symptoms was totally worth it. I think my triple threat of omeprazole, gas-x, and mylanta has done the trick. I'm still having some pain when I eat or drink but I'm feeling much better and less tired, thanks for asking.

I spent most of the day undertaking a big project at my house. I also worked out, went to the library, sent out resumes, and came home and played with the cats. For added fun, I also drove to EWR (that's Newark Airport) at rush hour to pick up my parents after their trip to Mexico. They were all tanned and relaxed after their week at an all-inclusive. I was quite jealous. And now I may or may not be plotting to use a little (just a little!) of my severance money for a little Mexican getaway myself! You never know.

Early morning tomorrow. I have a date with the Volkswagen dealer early in the morning to fix Rizzo the Beetle's leaky antifreeze issue and get a new fuel filter (that's a diesel thing). Good night.

monday mbr

2011-10-24T23:26:00.007-04:00

Yeah, I'm doing the minimum on a Monday of all days. I have terrible gut pain today and I'm really not in the mood to write. I think it's either that I have a virus or that I'm having a reaction to taking a multivitamin that I don't normally take, since I ran out of my preferred brand and won't get my shipment of new ones until tomorrow. The substitute multis have iron in them, whereas my usual vitamins don't and then later in the day I take a dose of carbonyl iron, which is not rough on one's guts like iron supplements usually are.

Well at any rate, I'm going to finish my peppermint tea and then go night-night. Tune in tomorrow.

who says you're not perfect?

2011-10-23T23:16:00.045-04:00

I'll admit it: I like that Selena Gomez song that has the same title as today's subject line. Yeah, I know. Shut up.

I've been thinking a lot about body image issues lately. I like to kid myself into thinking that I don't have them, but I guess everyone has them at one point or another. And it's not that I don't like my body. It can do some pretty cool things, so of course I love it. I may wish that I were taller, or didn't have quite so many ~~white~~ discolored hairs growing on my noggin, or didn't have a crappy metabolism, but overall I'm pleased.

But this week I'm sad to say that when I realized that the surgery I have wanted for so long is going to be a reality, the first thought that popped into my head was "Good. Now maybe I can look normal." Yes, this is something that I've struggled with in the past, I hadn't thought about it in a while, and now, oh hey! It's back again!

As I was driving to the gym today, I heard that Selena Gomez song, and I'm embarrassed to admit this, but it made me want to cry. I'm not sure what the answer is here. I think it's probably something I'll continue to struggle with, and will probably weigh more heavily on my mind at some times than others. And let me be clear that I'm not doing this surgery for my own vanity. I'm way too afraid of general anesthesia to sign myself up for unnecessary surgeries. It really is medically necessary in my case. And just in case I had any doubt about that, just this week all the medical problems that necessitate this surgery have flared up and I've been quite miserable from them. And it is no fun.

But in other news, tomorrow I have an early start and a busy day so I must sleep. Good night.

saturday roundup

2011-10-22T23:56:00.057-04:00

Since I love making lists (or as they're known in the project management world, "work breakdown structures"), I've been compiling a list of things I need to do before my surgery. This would be much easier if I had my surgery date already but for now I'm just telling myself that I'm working without a firm date for the deliverable. This list-making process is making me love my iPhone even more than I already did because as soon as I think of something, I can jot it down. So I've been adding little things like "get pedicure with clear polish" and "buy lots of cat litter" and "stop being a baby and get root canal already." That first one is because you can't have any polish on your fingers or toes during surgery, the second is because it'll be quite a few weeks until I can lift anything heavy and I don't want to hobble into Petco and ask them to carry the litter out to my car and then bring it into the house one scoop at a time, and that last one is because, well, I actually do need to stop being a baby and get that root canal. The tooth isn't painful, it just feels dead, but I'd rather get it done now than have it flare up when I'm busy recovering.

Today was in large part dedicated to the "clean house thoroughly top to bottom" item on my list. Mostly this involves getting rid of a lot of stuff, like every item of clothing I wore last winter, and also several bags of clothes that other people had given me supposedly for me to wear, however once I opened them I realized that there wasn't anything in there that I'd be caught dead wearing let alone giving to another human being. So why have these bags spent several months sitting in the corner of my bedroom? Yeah, good question. From now on, I'm not bringing anyone else's old clothes into my house without inspecting them first. If they're not wearable, I'll drop them off at the Goodwill on my way home and/or the dumpster in the parking lot. As for the stuff that was mine, today I was separating what will be donated from what is going to be sold on eBay. Oh yeah, you can sell clothes on eBay. I had some really nice things and they fetch a pretty good price on eBay, and then that money goes toward new clothes! WIN.

In other news, tomorrow I've been invited to several Zumba breast cancer fundraisers, and I'm not sure if I want to go to any of them. It's not that I don't support the cause, it's just that I'd rather avoid drama where I can. And that's all I'm saying about that.

Time to sleep.

just call me angel of the morning...

2011-10-21T23:26:00.007-04:00

I've written so much this week that guess what? MBR! That's right, tonight you are getting the Minimum Blog Requirement. Blog365 is a cruel rule but hey, I'm enjoying the ride.

Good night, my lovelies.

happy girl

2011-10-20T23:35:00.022-04:00

Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.**

So I don't have my big, official approval that I was hoping for. And yet, I am not at all worried.

You see, I got a call from the nurse case manager who is assigned to my case. She started out by talking about clinical information and I was thinking "OMG, get to the good part, am I approved or what?" but then she started saying things like how she was so impressed with my weight loss (natch!), and that yes, of course I need this surgery, and not to worry about it. So I won't!

Honestly, I wish I could have spoken with the case manager weeks ago. She made it sound like no big deal, and that of course as long as I fulfill all the requirements, it's covered. This is so much better than all the fretting I was doing before, as much fun as that was!

So once everything's official, the surgery scheduler will call me. I will feel much better once I have a date on the calendar, but I feel pretty good now knowing that that date will come! I think for now I'm just going to enjoy the lull I have before I start worrying about the surgery itself. Not that I'm going to worry or over-think things. No, not me.

I am very happy tonight. Normal blogging will resume soon. Whatever normal is...

**If you actually know where that quote is from, I owe you a beer. And a punch in the arm!

hold on for one more day...

2011-10-19T23:10:00.000-04:00

Today I put on my very bravest pair of Big Girl Pants** and called my insurance company once again to find out the status of my surgery approval. What I was told is that the nurse has reviewed it and it's gone to the medical director for approval. The rep I spoke with said she thought maybe I'd hear today (which I doubted since I called them at 4:00 pm), but I should know by tomorrow.

**Before putting on said pants, I'll admit I took an aromatherapy bath with lavender and peppermint oils to calm myself the hell down!

TOMORROW! I've waited so long for this surgery that I can channel my inner Wilson Phillips and Hold On For One More Day, can't I?

Don't you know things can change?
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day...
Things'll go your way,
HOLD ON FOR ONE MORE DAY!!!

Here's hoping that things do, in fact, go my way. I have a very good feeling about this. I just need the official YES. Keep those prayers, good thoughts, crossed fingers, and swinging chickens coming!

And yes, I will update once I hear. Good night, my dears.

tell it to you tuesday

2011-10-18T23:27:00.033-04:00

I haven't done this in a while so how about a day in the life of Seymour, my pouch? Yay!

Breakfast: Cheese stick. I had to wake up at 5:15 AM to drive my parents to the airport and all I could manage at that hour was some cheese. I also had coffee. And then more coffee.

Mid-morning Snack: Greek yogurt with protein granola. I used to buy protein granola at a certain fancy-pants place whose name rhymes with Schmole Schmoods and then one day I went to the big huge Walmart with the supermarket in it and they had the EXACT SAME GRANOLA for less than half the price that other place charges. So they can suck it, and meanwhile I'll be here enjoying my protein!

Lunch: Feta & tomato omelet, broccoli, one piece of wheat toast. I went to the diner with some of my Zumba pals after class and this is what I had. I asked them to give me a vegetable instead of the fried potatoes, and I was happy that they were cool with that. I ate about half the omelet and took the rest home.

Afternoon snack: Protein hot cocoa. My own invention that involves adding hot water to chocolate protein powder and stirring. I drank this after a brief yet well-deserved nap.

Dinner: Crabmeat provencale, which involves tomatoes, capers, and a little feta. Trust me, it's good. I also ate a little (as in 1/4 cup) of quinoa with it.

Evening Snack: A piece of sweet ricotta pie.

Seymour also enjoyed more coffee throughout the day (I was up at 5:15, after all), water, decaf iced tea, and Propel Zero. A very good day food-wise.

Good night.

manic monday, oh whoa...

2011-10-17T23:54:00.024-04:00

This was a good day. A very good day, in fact.

Well, first things first: my approval for surgery is still pending (UGH!) but I do know that my insurance company has whatever clinical information they needed. This is good. I'm not sure if I'm going to call tomorrow or wait until Wednesday. I don't want them to think I'm a total lunatic, after all. I am determined to get that approval in hand this week. Bound and determined! It will happen!!!

I went out for lunch with one of my very favorite former coworkers and after lunch spent some time chatting with people I used to work with. It's funny though, I noticed that every person I met up with at the office gave me a once over although only some of them were nice enough to tell me how fabulous I look. A few of them weren't even subtle about it either!

Although I've visited the former workplace a few times, this is the first time I've gone there and felt really good about where I am now. And I realized that even though there are a few people who I miss the hell out of and really did enjoy working with, I'm glad I'm no longer there. And I really do look forward to the day when I settle into a new job. Ya know, one where people actually want a project manager around. Or at least do a better job hiding their disdain for all things project management related. I mean, I'm just saying.

After lunch I went to get my flat tire fixed and another tire checked because of a slow leak. While that was being done, I got in a kick-ass workout (the gym is next door to the tire place) and then I was very pleasantly surprised to find out that rather than needing a new tire or two, both tires were able to be patched for a mere $40. WIN.

And later still I had dinner and girl talk with my good friend G. A very good end to a very good day!

And now I'm writing this blog from Casa de LesleyParents. You see, I have to drive them to the airport at around 5:30 tomorrow morning so I figured it would be easiest to just sleep here. I told them that one of them has to do the drive to the airport so I can use that time to chill in the backseat and wake up. I'm sure I'll be stopping at Starbucks on the Turnpike during the return trip home.

Good night. Peace out, girl scouts!

weekend mbr

2011-10-16T23:53:00.015-04:00

It's Sunday night, and I'm tired from watching the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" reunion. Tired, but yet quite aware that I'm a good person. And yes, I watch that show. It's quite entertaining!

I'm hoping that tomorrow I get very good news regarding approval for my surgery. Fingers crossed!!!

More tomorrow.

everybody wants to be a cat...

2011-10-15T23:55:00.027-04:00

Why that subject line? Oh because I'm typing this with a cat on my shoulder. Luna says hey, incidentally.

My previously discussed need to stop Googling things that I shouldn't? Yeah, not going so well. I really hope this approval comes through on Monday so I can just get this thing scheduled and over with. As much fun as the fretting is, I'd just rather skip to the good part.

And in other medical-related news, I think I'm noticing that my treatment for SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is working. So if you are someone who finds yourself in a similar predicament every winter, PLEASE don't hesitate to get some treatment for it. Or any other variety of depression or dysthymia, for that matter. DO IT.

I'm still not happy about the fall-ish weather, both the cold and earlier darkness, but I'm handling it. I've been making sure that I get at least a 20 minute walk outside in the early morning so that I get a good dose of daylight to start my day. I'm so not a morning person, but taking this early walk has been a very pleasant way to begin my day. And it's almost made me wish I had a dog. Almost. I think I'd be ok with borrowing someone else's dog to walk around with, actually.

Time for more tea, then bed. Someone has a killer workout planned for the morning...

friday mbr

2011-10-14T23:53:00.012-04:00

Minimum blog requirement tonight, people.

Although, I will write enough to tell those of you who are as nerdy as I am that, as I'm sure you've noticed, I switched back to full feed syndication. I had disabled it for a while because I wanted to track visitors because I was paranoid about who might be reading. However, now I'm not so concerned. This is on the internet to be read, after all and I was asked rather nicely by my friend Faisal to go back to full feeds. So full RSS it is, but please stop by to say hello once in a while, would you?

For those of you who are not as nerdy as me, I realize that the last paragraph made no sense. Well, don't you worry your pretty little heads about that, my lovelies.

In other news, I need to rework my blog template. I especially need to replace the photo at the top, as that really doesn't look like me anymore. However, site design still feels like "work" to me, and I'd prefer to keep this blog "fun." Therein lies the conundrum.

Good night.